I have not read all the posts on this thread, so please excuse if I repeat what others have said.

You should know the difference between MC and IC.
Many IC terapeuts concider it their job to build up the individual without any regard for his M, kids or whatever.
These councelors are NOT concerned about the M. They are not concerned about the couple recovering from the A.
Thus his advice was not made to ease YOUR pain.

To me, it seems like the IC councelor of your H is of this kind. If so make your H find an other one.

Mark said:

"I was going to ask you if he knew what had to be done to earn the right to have contact with his parents. But I decided to ask him instead and see what he says before seeking your input."

OK, so then I take it you want him to answer. That's fine. That's a valid question.

He is super down today and so am I because the obstacles just keep getting bigger and bigger.

"KalyaAndy once said to me..."you do not need to be married that bad"...have you read her posts? She (and I) have had similar issues as you.

If I were you: (this is ME speaking, not you)
*I would fire your MC immediately...you have been through enough crap and for your FWH to not have to be accountable for that crap, no way.
*I would consider what you need to do in your own personal recovery plan so you can determine if you really need to be married to this man. 25 years of SA does not get cured in less than one year.
*I would not budge on the boundary with the parents. Them "supporting their son" is at the root of why you are in this predicament in the first place.

I don't know your whole story, but I feel for you from the bits that I can relate to mine. I can also hear your bitterness, which comes from years of this kind of abuse and being sick and fed up from it.

Now it's time to take care of you! You don't owe it to him to be in MC. Go to IC and let him make his own recovery plan. If a boundary was that he needed to be in group therapy then decide what the consequence is and stick to it."

Only,

KaylaAndy used to post me, yes. So I think I know what you mean, that we are in similar situations which sort of separate us from the usual run-of-the-mill affairs on these boards. Not that it makes us special, far from it. I would love to be dealing with just one affair.

I AM done with my counselors. They bore me anymore with their psycho babble. Yeah, some of it is valid, but some of it is just plain old bull$hit.

Frank,

I agree with you on the counseling thing. Their view to to get two people healthy first, THEN go to MC. What they end up doing, in reality, is emboldening two people in a marriage with very different ideas, and then throwing them in a room together to watch them battle it out.

It sounds great in theory, but it doesn't work.