I suspected my wife was cheating cause over the course of a few weeks she was texting back n forth with this co worker.She was very free with him even though he has a gf, n she would say things like " dont sit next to the tv u will mess up ur eyes, come sit here" n motion him to come sit in between her n this other lady.She admitted that she did get very close to him when i confronted her, and said its cause of working together, sometimes till 3 am her him and another guy - and thus friendship grew.She promised me shed have a word with him n tell him they need to cut this texting and calling each other everytime cause she needs to work on her releationship and also cause he has someone in his life too.
Today she did that and now this guy wants to call me and just set the record strait that he wouldnt disrespect my marriage etc.
But i did notice and she did admit that she was close to him.But she says it was only platonic as she would share lots of stuff about their work together and also about life in general.
She says no sex was involved. But i feel bad like i destroyed their friendship or that he may be scared to approach my wife now. What do i do to make it right? I mean sometimes my wife and him and this other guy were workn till 3 am, and i was getting concerened about that, and with all the texts flying back n forth.Was i Irrational? Or did i stop sometjing i dunno. How do i make it right with him? If nothing was goin on i feel guilty

I would NOT believe her about no sexual contact. I would say that it most likely happened and they will likely be more careful now.

I would STRONGLY suggest a few things. A key logger on your computer...a voice activated recorder in her car (be careful as this is NOT legal) can also be used.

I would ask her to leave that job immediately AND submit to a polygraph test.

I would bet the house that she is lying.

If she was lying why would she tell him they need to stop calln n textn so much now? That onlye leaves chatting as the only communication line n she cant do that at work only when shes home.
She says he was surprised cause all they had wa s a strong work releated friendship.So he wants to call me to assure me that. Besides she knows ill see the phone statement so she cant be texting back n forth with him n calling. She admites at some point in the last 1 month cause of workn so much n puttn in so much nto this project they did get close but never worked together alone, and she only felt close to share stuff with him (i imagine her marriage too)cause they shared a common project and many hrs on it.

I agree with MEDC. She is almost definitely not giving you the whole story. You did NOTHING wrong in bringing this to light. She is/was involved in a highly inappropriate relationship for a married woman, and thats IF she is telling the truth.

Your wife was at the least involved in an EA. These boards show that nearly ALL emotional affairs turn into physical affairs. If your wife is telling the truth, she still very nearly threw away your marriage. Do not apologize for snooping or exposing this. You do yourself a great disservice if you don't continue to snoop and gather intelligence.

There is a good chance that their "friendship" is just going to go further underground.

I will keep my ears n eyes alert but now its harder to communicate for both as they know they cant use cell phones n she cant use computer at work to chat. N they only see each other now once a week at church.

because that leaves a trail.



A GREAT percentage of affairs start in the workplace.

What kind of work does she do that requires her to work till 3 am?

She could be telling the truth, but saying that she has to work late hours with a coworker, then having another coworker collaborate the story is a very good cover for an affair. Are you able to contact here when she's working on lan phone, that can prove she's actually there?

I don't know your wife so can't say what she's doing. As far as apologizing to the OM, absolutely not. Regardless of whether more was happening there were emotions going on that made you feel uncomfortable that your W willing apologized for. You stopped(maybe) a relationship that shouldn't have existed in the first place.

she said she told him " we cant be this close anymore always texting and calling each other as i have a hubby and u have a gf" and he asked why? and then she said that i was very uncomfortable with their closeness, he said he understood that, n just wanted to call n assure me that nothn happened.
What i think is i probably stopped something from happenning cause had it gone n on it could have developed into something.
My wife works editing dvds etc n it takes hrs to do this sometimes.He told her he doesnt mind now editing this stuff at our hse cause he doesnt want me to think anythn.

If she told you that she was getting closer to OM then it was a begining of an EA at the least.

You shouldnt really feel the way you do. Only cause you have the right to bring up things to you W on any level and when you feel soemthing is off. That is the way it should be. Open communication.

When does she go into work> It shouldnt take till 3am to edit cd's.

Friend,

I'm afraid you are being severely gaslighted by BOTH of them.

They work together (supposedly LONG hours) and now you tell us that they go to church together also ... WAY TOO MUCH contact for you to ever feel secure about them maintaining contact, given their "admitted closeness".

Listen to these folks ... unfortunately we've already "Been There and Done That". You have an AFFAIR on your hands ... if your very LUCKY it hasn't gone PHYSICAL yet ... but its coming.

You need to establish a firm boundary with your WW (wayward wife) and insist on NO CONTACT for life between these two. That means that at least one of them will have to find a new employer and a new church.

... and NO CONTACT means just that ... NO CONTACT FOR LIFE ... no texts, no calls, no signing in the choir together, no lingering glances across the congregation ... NO FRIGGIN CONTACT, PERIOD!!!

Bring this up to her TONIGHT and check her reaction ... if she goes ballistic ... you have a bigger problem than you know about.

GOOD LUCK!!!

No it was last week of rehearsalsn shes producer for theatrical plays n she was going in after work at 7 pm

First off there should be no reason to go to work after hrs. What can be done will be done in day work hrs. Unless of coarse you work the graveyard or night shift.

Secondly I agree with MyRev. NC needs to go full force.

Prior to being a BS, I would just let statements like that fly by without giving them a second thought as to what is ACTUALLY being said. Now, they don't pass by so easily.

Notice how your W suggested that YOU were uncomfortable with their closeness, so they would have to break it off? Notice nothing was mentioned about how she felt about it?

A M'd woman who was really protecting her M would be uncomfortable if any guy, single or otherwise, was spending so much time calling and texting her.

Not only was your W NOT protecting your M, she was subtly hinting to the OM that she would prefer the texts and calls to continue, that it's only because of you she asked him to stop (and I'm betting that she's secretly hoping that he would continue. My FWW did!).

No they were meeting after work hrs cause thats when u can get everyone involved in the show. Kids n adult actors in the cast, n then after the rehearsals that final week before the show on sunday she worked from 930 pm ( after rehearsals) to 2 am n 3 am. But she tells me now that shes told the management that they need to do more frequent rehearsals n not wait till last minute.One of the three nights she left at 230 am i called her n she was leaving n i could here talking to the two other guys n telling them to lock up, they were remeaining to carry on working on the dvd n other aspects.
But i do believe that most EA's develop at the work place cause of proximity. I dont think any sex was involved as it was just the last 2 weeks that were intense

GFORCE,

Look at it this way ... you came here looking for something that you didn't understand. You didn't understand it, but your gut told you that you didn't like it.

By the time you found this information, your gut was likely doing flip-flops over this "closeness" that your WW was sharing with another man.

Don't let these two gaslight you into believing something that your gut is telling you just the opposite. You wouldn't be here posting, if you believed that this was innocent.

We see a lot of Betrayed Husband's (BH's) come through here, and I've yet to hear the first one say that they wished they would have just believed their WW, and not taken any actions to protect their marriage (M).

Waywards are master manipulators ... its what they do. Don't fall for their bullsh1t ... BOTH of them are LYING to you.

Yes when she told me she mentioned that i was the one uncomfortable i was taken aback cause the plan was for her to go tell him " we need to lay off too many calls n texts cause u have someone n i have someone and i need to work on my marriage to make it work and i admit we we got close cause you know as i told you me n hubby were havn problems but i need to work on my marriage...."

But i guess she said " we need to stop being so close "etc etc n he was like why n she said cause i was not comfortable with it all.

like at his place on friday, he left me to check on the meat as he rushed to the store to get some more things( it was 1 am) n my wife n the girls were in the hse talking. I noticed wife texting. N i suspected it was him. When i confronted her sunday she admitted it was him she was texting to get some tomatoes for the salad her n the girls were makn.
We got home at 530 am n when wife went to shower i notice he had sent her a text sayn " THANK YOU FOR COMING:.
On Wed last week she went to shower n i checked her phone n saw a note that said "OKAY" from him. She had gone to shower n left me in living room only 5 minutes earlier. So i checked outbox n did not see any message from her to him to warrant an OKAY anser from him. N then with the friday texts saying THANK U FOR COMING i was like its time to stop this. Thats the same day at his place when he was sitting close to tv watchn football n she motioned for him to come sit between her and another girl on the couch so he doesnt mess up his eyes.

We are just working on rehearsal together.
You cant tell me who I can and can not talk to...
Its not my fault you are not comfortable with our M.
Its not what you think...
Hes only a friend....
We have to work on this together there is no one else that can do it with me....


Heres what Im thinking. She told OM to talk to you so it would calm you down. BIG flag there. I say she told OM to talk to you is because she shifted blame on you that your not comfortable with all the texting and talking. When in reality she should be doing that to you..not someone else. Does she really NEED to talk to him outside of rehearsal???

What is she doing in some other guys house in the first place? Were you present? If not then she has NO BUISNESS BEING IN SOME OTHER MANS HOUSE rehearsal or no rehearsal...

Im glad i stopped this now cause if i hadnet, no telling where we would be in a few months.
On sun night i asked her " do u wanna work on this marriage" she said MAYBE. I was like what do u mean maybe?
She was like how we have grown distant n no longer have any shared interests etc n i agreed.Its when i asked her flat out if she was seeing this guy n she denied n i said i have evidence that they text alot n thats when she admitted they r just friends