I am a little skeptical about this. My FWW and I are doing fairly well (see post D-Day 2). I would just like to get some feedback on this. MC says what will it accomplish? I am just wondering what he was feeling during this EA. Was it just friendship for him or was it more? Any insight either way will be greatly appreciated.

Are you expecting a dishonorable man to be honest with you?

Most likely he will CYA -- not be truthful.

And does it matter what he says?

Not really. Just a gut instinct to get a glimpse into him. Does that make any sense?

Surely after 53 wiews somebody has an opinion.

He WILL lie to you as my XW's OM did with me.

He probably will get smug and provoke you if he isn't a coward and crap his pants. It will only go one way or the other.


He could also do like my XW did OMW, she had OMW arrested when she asked XW to stay away from her husband.

It'd be best just to tell OMW and let her handle it.

Like others say, he won't tell you the truth any way so even if you contact him, you still won't know how he feels. What does it matter anyway? He's a lyin' cheatin' POS who isn't worth the oxygen he consumes.

hurtdad,

I contacted OM 4 or 5 times when I knew my WW was lying to me. He was happy to fill in the blanks for me on the amount of sex, positions, when, where, etc.... All of which WW finally admitted to. Contacting him at that point in time was benificial for me...but now it would not be.

Obviously it would make no sense for me to call him now that we are in recovery. Niether should you...unless, of course, you feel that you (more specifically your WW) are not 100% in recovery.

The fact that you feel the need to contact OM tells me that you are feeling that your WW is not being 100% truthful about something?

Hurtdad,
Even if you feel you WW isn't being truthful - it doesn't mean you will get the truth from the OM. I've already told you what happened to me when I called OW. She wasn't truthful with me either.

G

Single man right? I would. I didn't contact the OW for 2 months. I thought she wasn't worth my time, breathe, etc. but not saying anything drove me nuts. I knew certain things about the OW and unless she had absolutely no humanity in her whatsoever I knew what to say so she felt the sting. Of course the OM can hold the phone in the air and say yeah yeah, whatever or delete your email without reading it but at least you got it off your chest. He's single so he may be more prone to not give a crap since he has no family to loose.

What would you hope to accomplish by contacting him?

Do you need answers and you don't feel you are getting the truth from your W?

Or do you just want to let him know how YOU feel?

Chances are VERY slim you're going to get anything positive from contacting him. He didn't care about you when he was in contact with your W. VERY doubtful he will now either. He'll either lie to make himself look better, or embelish the truth to make you feel worse, rubbing it in your face.

Just 1 month and 2 days from D-Day 2. In recovery and counseling. Things are looking up. She quit her job(where OM worked), we destroyed secret cell phone and all secret emails. I just want to know how he felt about things. Did he enjoy helping damage two DS 10 & 14?

If it brings you peace of mind, then do it.

I contacted the multiple OM. They all had the same story. It was either, "I didn't know she was married" or "She told me you knew and you were divorcing".

The man she got physical with also filled in all the details of what happened when they went out.

She wouldn't talk about this and his honesty helped me move forward.

The fact that you want to tells me that you don't think she's being truthful or fully honest about something.

That's the only reason I wanted to.

If you'll get some peace out of it, then do it. Otherwise let it be.

If this is the only question you need answered then I'll save you the phone call...


"I didn't damage your children. Your WW did that all by herself and would have done it with someone else, other than me, if I wasn't involved."

Hurt dad,

I have been reading and replying to your posts since before your WW came clean about the EA. While I read you saying that you want to ask how he felt hurting you and two DSs, I hear you saying that you want to verify whether it was PA. You could probably do that if you watch your words.

I waited exactly one year before calling OW. I read all the advice against it on these forums and I did it anyhow. I was polite and respectful because I am. It was brief, she confirmed and apologized. I did not need or want her apology and I told her that but surprise, surprise, it gave me most of the closure I had been seeking.

I had never seen her or even heard her voice. I needed to.

Follow your heart on this one HD.

God's Blessings,

Say

Thank you for the support. I just don't know what to do. I think I need all the imfo posssible to move on completely. I have made some very good progress. I just want to finish. I realize it will take time. Quite a while actually. I just want to make progress everyday and not live in the past any more.

I didn't realize that it was a EA (with supiscions of a PA). This is pretty close to my sitch when I first called OM...and I found out about WAY more PA details.

If you are still suspiscious of a PA, then you are not in recovery right now, and should make contact.

If this isn't the case and you just want to call to talk about your kids to make OM feel guilty......don't waste your time. He doesn't give a [censored].

You do need all of the info to move on. Your W has already proven that she will lie to your face to avoid consequences. I am very heartened by the fact that she was willing to quit her job and appears to be really working on your M but it is very common to continue to lie about the physical aspect of an A "to keep from hurting BH more." You will find many cases of that as you continue to read through these forums.

My H was caught red cell phoned in the physical part of the A but it still took months for him to come clean about duration and frequency and even her name. Facts discovered or confessed months later just set back your R and increase and continue your pain.

I am not a threatening, kick your butt kind of girl but there are BHs on here that advocate a controlled confrontation between BH and OM. I finally called not because I thought it would do any good but because I realized it could not do any harm.

God's Blessings,

Say

Don't really want to talk about the kids. Just want him to know he actually helped damaged two innocent kids. I don't know if he even know they exist. I have just a small suspicion of a PA.

Couldn't your WW answer this question for you?..

...whether he knew about her kids that is.

All info you can exchange will only help you. Remember, he probably does not care and may not talk to you. He crossed a line with your W regardless. Any info you get from him may help your WW to open up to you. Lies between you will eventually destroy your M. Read "I had an affair two years ago" in the Just Found Out forum.

I am still having a serious trust issue with my DH 15 months later because of the things he withheld from me even though I truly consider our M to be better than it has ever been. He has become a loving, model H but I still check on him occasionally.

God's Blessings,

Say