John,

Are you still here? What's happening with you? I've been following your story and hoping for the best.

Have you had any reaction from your wife to your letter, finally telling her the truth?

RHW

It has been awhile. I have been seeing a therapist alone, and I thought i was making progress with my wife but it looks liks things arent getting but not really getting worse. I dont really know what to make of things. I could use some helpful advise. We had a long talk on saturday, and to give you the cliff note version. She said i needed to treat the situation like we were going through with the divorce and that i neede to look at it like we were two single people because that was what she was doing. She said she has gone on a couple of dates. That hurt to hear. She was also saying that she couldnt be in a marriage that had an affair and that she didnt look at me the same way. That the marriage we had before was what she wanted. She then went on to say that at first it was easy for her. She was having fun going out and having a good time and everything was easy. Then about two weeks ago she said it hit her and she started to feel confused and unsure what to do. She didnt know if it was that she starting to miss me or the familiarity of the relationaship and being a wife and mother. She is having a hard time, but she knew right she doesnt want to come back to the marriage. She wondered if that she got together with me at young of an ageand she wondering if she missed out on going out. I told her that we never regulated each other from going out with or without each other. Then she said it felt it was more like the last two years. She also wants to make the right decision her and our son. She doesnt want to decide on anything that she would be able to take back. But then she goes and says that she is willing to make a decision and if it is the wrong one she is willing to live with the regret of this marrige. Overall I asked her what are you trying to tell me? She said I am not ready to make any decision that i cant take back. I need more time but I dont know how much. So she leaves and gives me a long hug. I even released pressure twice to let go but she hung and then she finally. So I wondered if I just got the kiss of death with that hug or that she still cares about me and the relationship. I left that conversation even more confused than when I went into it. I would appreciate any helpful information.

John,

Um, now it sounds like SHE is caught in affair fog babble. "Gone out on a couple of dates" could easily be code for "involved with someone else." The "confusion" she speaks of. Not wanting to make a decision (cake eating).

Anybody else seeing revenge affair?

Hope vets with this kind of experience will jump in.

RHW

No, I asked point blank if it was someone i knew and she said it wasnt any one person, just went on some dates, and if it is revenge affair, fine get it out your system and lets move on. I definitely think she does want her cake and eat it too. I think she has the right fot now. I did cause her alot of pain, but for how do I let her have her cake before I say she needs to make some kind of a decision. Its been two months so far since she has left. Do I give her another month or longer, or what?

John,

How many times did SHE ask YOU "point blank" questions about what was going on? Sorry, she sounds foggy as h*** to me.

You do NOT need a revenge affair complicating all this. It wouldn't "even the score" so much as mess things up further. To say nothing of dragging things out over much more time. Why would that be OK with you?

Hoping someone else will jump in here and add something because my only advice to you in the moment would be to do some serious checking and verify what's she's telling you about there being no one else. John: PEOPLE HAVING AFFAIRS LIE. Remember?

RHW

Can you get your BW to have at least one phone session with the Harley's?

It appears that she is trying to make you jealous, cause you pain, having an affair. It could be any combination of these three and who knows what else.

Have you been plan A'ing her?

She told me that she was dating. I asked who was it? Was it Greg? She said no, it wasnt any one person, that she had gone on dates. When she confronted me the first time I did tell her. I dont think she hiding anything, if she was dating someone and this was truly over that would be the way to get to believe we wer through. I agree she is foggy and she told me she was. One more month would be three months that shes gone and i dont know if thats giving her enough time to think and that maybe I should start to move on mentally. I need to be refreshed but dont remember what paln A is and would that apply to this situation where i was the who cheated?

Neither an affair nor revenge affair is OK. OK!

Save the marriage if you can, but she DOES have the right to tell you to beat it.

After finding out what plan A is, yes I have been plan A ing her. I have been respectful to her, dont start any outbursts and I have been patient and have given her the time that she has asked for. I feel though that I am getting close to that time where its time for me to start moving on at least mentally. I cant continue to beat myself up for what I did, and I cant keep letting her throw it in my face.