alijo,
I must say this whole situation concerns me. You are going through the normal withdrawal which by the way is really hard on your spouse, but probably not as bad on him as you think...hence the problem you may have.
You stated even your 18 year old son questioned you about the A. If he noticed, I am SURE your H knew more than you seem to realize. You have not given us a time line and that is very important. How long did the A go on? When did you start having feelings for your OM? Why did you end the EA really?
You mention you have only been married 2 years, but state something implying that you two have a 9 year old daughter together, is she yours and your H's or is she yours from another relationship?
I have deep concerns about this situation for the following reason. It seems your H has known or strongly suspected your EA/PA or whatever it really was. It seems he has withdrawn from you. He wants to remain married but I suspect it is simply for your daughter. If these suspcions are true, then you have some real work to do, and you don't have a lot of time. Otherwise you will be in essentially a loveless marriage. Your H is in withdrawal from you, and that is a very very bad place for him to be concerning your marriage.
It is clear you have little concern for him or your marriage because after only two years you are/have had an affair. Further, if your relationship with your H has existed for almost 10 years with only the last two of them being married, that usually suggests some issues with commitment and the relationship. It may not be true, but there is something going on.
If you want to have a good and fulfilling marriage, you have to start to really focus on your relationship with your H. His reaction is one to acceptance (you will cheat and he knows it), which is not good. Or it is a reaction of indifference (he has withdrawn from the marriage) bad for the marriage and relationship. Or this is simply a marriage of convenience due to the child. If any of those are true, things have to change and your approach to change has been very very ineffective and wrong. If your coping skills during bad times is to seek out someone else, then perhaps you do need to divorce. OR you have to change your coping skills.
There is one thing I hope you take from this. You cannot address the complexity of your marriage, recovery and rebuilding of your marriage and be at all emotionally entangled with OM. You do need to leave the job...soon. You can of course choose to stay and meet your obligations to your "patients", but your marriage will die. You can take that to the bank.
It really is your call. You made some devastating choices and now you are going to have to make others caused by your previous choices.
Your H's reaction concerns me greatly. I think it will make recovery a challenge, more so than is normally the case.
God Bless,
JL
Last edited by Just Learning; 09/02/08 02:06 PM.
