Hi you CHEATERS!

Just a question.

I know you have cheated on your spouses. If you cheat on your spouses or you cheated in the past having sex with other lovers outside the marriage, etc, would you mind very much if your spouse cheated on you? I am talking about if he cheated on you during your affair or presently after your affair was over?

Would you mind him or her cheating on you at any time?

I can't speak for anyone else, but yes I would mind if my wife cheated on me. I have no doubt that she minded very much that I cheated on her.

I fail to see the real point of your question, any "cheater" on this forum already knows that they are the guilty party and if they are anything like me they feel an huge amount of guilt and shame for what they have done. Surely by being here they are proving, even if only in a small way, that they know they are wrong and that thay have some amount of commitment to make things right in their marriage again.
If my wife wants to go and "cheat" on me now then it would show that she is really not commited to recovering our marriage.

Getting ready to live happily ever after

Stellakat, your thread title and the type of questions you ask are directed towards people who are still adulterous and/or unrepentant/wayward and very few people of that mindset will actively post on a forum which purpose is to build marriages and help people (both BS’s and FWS’s) heal from infidelity.

I'm the BH, and can only try to speak for my FWW, but I would confidently say an emphatic YES! FWW is somewhat narcissistic, and has incredible double standards. She loves getting attention from other men, but god forbid if another woman shows me any attention - she goes ballistic!

I read some psychologist's article once that those most likely to cheat (who've felt tempted by others) are also more jealous of their spouses. Something about transferance or something.

Stella,

I am concerned about you this morning.

Ofcourse they would mind.

Mine told me to get a girlfriend, I think it was merely to saitisfy her consciense or to give her an "out".

Mine tried to get me to date OWH (I think he was trying to eliminate both of us). He also made a case for me to move in with OWH (despite the fact I didn't agree to date him) but that was so OW could get him for more CS. They are still PO'd at me and OWH for not agreeing to this. Unbelievable.

Stella, maybe you would feel better if you talked openly about your anger.

LOL - my FWW told me something quite similar, that during her A, she was hoping that I'd "find someone", so we could both be happy.

Blech.

Flick,

Happily Ever After rocks!

Totally recommend it to ya!

Stella --
I agree that your title and phrasing are hostile.

I personally will not answer your questions simply because of how you phrased them. If you truly want input from the FORMER WS, then show a little respect...

My H told me that he could care less if I went out and f**ked someone else while he was in the A. When OW's xbf asked me to do naughty stuff with him, H asked me why I didn't. I was baffled. However, once he came home, he seemed upset that I had even spoken with MY xbf and he made sure to ask me (before he decided for sure that he was moving back in) if I had been with anyone else while we were separated.

It's so weird.

Hi you all, first I want to say YES, I am realizing that I am having anger problems now, see my post in Emotional Needs section...

I realize that all cheating situations are not the same. Some cheaters would want thier spouse to cheat too. Some would not. So I guess each situation is different. (I wanted to lump them all in together I guess and get a handle on it so I could put it out of my mind)

I am trying to understand PAIN, I guess. People's pain and my own inner pain it turns out. Sorry for being rude.

Also I realize that some who cheat are really repentant. They are like different new people who will really not want to ever cheat again. Others cheat again and again. These people cannot be compared either.

OK, sorry!

I am also having a great deal of trouble with anger and resentment towords and former waywards. This anger simply stems from my own pain and the trouble I am having dealing with it.

For example, this
Makes me want to scream the following.

I got an idea, if a wayward is so darn repentant and sorry, why dont they just invent a time machine and go back and undoo the affair! Aw, let me gues, thats imposable right? Well the BS probably thought the idea of there spouse cheating on them was imposable to, but gues what!! You did the impossable once, so do it again!!!

However, thats just anger talking. I know that is not possable, the best that can come of an affair is a repentent WS. And what has been done, cannot be undone.

Dont let the anger control you, dont let it change you.
And learn to forgive.

Hi all.

This is bothering me too. You have a lot of anger. So read on.

My H had an affair. He left me. He told me to move on and find somebody else.
What did I do. Yes, I found someone. I did it out of revenge. If he can do it, so can I phylosophy. So he can see me that I can too meet and scr**.
What did I do. I went down to his level. I bacame someone I am not. I became as low as he was.

So think carefully to your question. Right now YOU are angry. Dont do anything you will regret later on.
Dont throw you self worth.
Go and read my post. Two wrong doesn't make it right.

Hang in there we are hurt. That is why we are here. You are not alone. Even though you feel you are.

So go ahead and vent away.......Get your anger out. I know I'm still doing it and still going through a lot of negative thoughts.

I am, too, Stella. Your reply on my post made me think you are really upset/angry/hurt over something. You dont seem to be in a good space. Are you ok? Do you want to talk? Not everyone cheats, Stella. Not everyone.

Hey Stella?





I used to be very angry a lot, too.

I want the best for you, okay?

It's taken a LONG time for there to be peace in my heart b/c of the Wookie's adultry.

If you need a shoulder or anything, I'm here.

I agree the anger shouldn't control you but it will change you.

1. When a BH gets angry enough, he'll quit being a doormat.
2. When a BW gets angry enough, she'll start making good decisions for herself and her family.
3. When an abused spouse gets angry enough, they'll find a way to run.
4. When a person gets tired of our government running rough shod over our rights, they'll get out and vote, or write their congressman, or DO something constructive, instead of ranting.

and the list could go on and on.

Anger is good when used properly. Maybe I should say righteous anger.


This has always bothered me. How can you "learn" to forgive? Sure you can say the words "I forgive you" but that doesn't mean those words come from your heart.

Do you learn it by experiencing the freedom that comes from releasing the chain of unforgiveness?

Do you learn it by experiencing the resentment that comes from saying (or giving lip service) that you release it?

Wondering if I've really forgiven or if I've chosen to just let it go. Cause it seems to me that for the people I've forgiven, there's always that little "he/she did this to me" in the back of my mind when I'm interacting with them.

Sorry, just being philosophical this afternoon. And on a Friday!! Please forgive me... :crosseyedcrazy:

I love you all! My pain and anger came from trying to recreate one of the very few GOOD moments of my childhood yesterday and finding that that was impossible. (see my post on Emotional Needs board.)

Then, I was triggered by hearing from some of you that your cheater spouses did not even FEEL pain at all! What monsters do not feel pain! For what they inflicted on you! (sure some did feel pain)

OK, too much PAIN for me. In ME and on YOU guys and triggered by YOU and MYSELF and my search for a "childhood cabin" that was impossible to find again. I wanted at least ONE nice moment to remember my childhood with...but alas it was not to be though we drove 1.5 hours to these cabins in the woods trying to find it....