Integrity is not formed in a day, it comes over a lifetime.

A person's character and thier morals are formed over a lifetime. In my opinion at least.

Both you and your wife are messing around with others. Why be married at all?

no one is answering the question because it doesn't make sense. You are again, arguing with yourself.

Stellkat, do you think it is wise to be posting when you are so angry?

Integrity is not formed...it is adhered to. You are confusing character and integrity. Character and morals as you said are formed.

No...not EVERY WS.

Just the ones that are using the RA card to justify their behavior.

Just the ones that behave in a manner inconsistent to their claimed set of values, because something was done TO them. Our own personal set of values has nothing to do with what is done to us.

"Job" from the Bible is a clear example of that.

No matter what was done TO him he maintained his own set of values.

That is closer to having integrity in my book.

I don't claim that I wouldn't ever kill someone...I would if it meant my own life or those of my family.

My set of values wouldn't be breached if I did because self defense of me and defense of my family is part of my set of values.

If someone said, "If my WS would ever have an affair, I would pay them back with a ONS"...as silly as it sounds it would have integrity if they did. Again...right vs wrong isn't a factor in that.

committed

Medc, you are right! Thanks...

Are you kidding? Every WS lacks integrity...every single one of them. If they had integrity, they would not hide their crimes...it would be part of who they are and consistent with the rest of their life and reasoning.

BTW, I am sorry you are dealing with such anger now. I usually really appreciate your head on approach to cheaters!

Feel better soon.

Another line right out of the wayward handbook.

Waywards use this as justification for their behavior.

committed

Well shoot medc....


I don't know about EVERY WS.

Some people have NO intention of staying faithful.

Remember, we aren't talking right or wrong.

If someone's spouse has cheated throughout the marriage, they might feel that it is ok. It might not go against their own set of values.

Integrity has nothing to do with right or wrong...it is just adhering to that set of personal values.

Values are right or wrong.

committed

ETA I consider "swingers" to be wayward spouses. They adhere to their own personal set of values, they follow them by having sex with multiple partners outside their marriage. They have maintained the integrity of their own personal values. We might consider them having NO values. They adhere to them nonetheless.

Probably the same reason you're married after adultery. You can answer that yourself.

You mean....(F) WS...which I am.

intro,

I think you just gave us another word to call it.

"Hiccup".

committed

...and the march of the Marriage Builder's "selective readers" continues. :RollieEyes:




You know, this whole thread just proves my point that a person who had an RA gets treated completely different thatn an original WS.

Take a look at original WS's threads...take a look at how they are handled, and how you conduct yourself with them, then re-read this thread.

It's night and day.

I'm a FWH who admitted everything, answers ALL questions honestly and openly, tells his BW about his whereabouts 24/7, initiated MC, initiated MB sessions with Jennifer, POJA's everything with his wife, tries to meet his wife's EN's (to the best of my ability, at this time), etc......

But yet I still get 2x4's all day long. Why doesn't everyone else?

because you are HERE and supposedly understand MB concepts and relationships better now that you are here ....

and then you write this:


which is right out of the WS playbook

you are not a NEWBIE who wrote this - you should have a rudimentary understanding of the WS playbook and not use their playbook to underline your own wrong decisions

reach deeper into yourself than this WS common drivel

Pep

As I explained integrity several times on this thread, I know what it means.

Every WS lacks integrity...every single one...otherwise they would not be wayward. You cannot live by a set of values and then lie/pretend your way through an affair. There is no consistency there. Integrity would not require lies and deception.

It's got nothing to do with right/wrong. A person that sleeps with someone outside of marriage with their spouses consent is indeed sick IMHO, but they are not wayward. It is though they POJA the swinging lifestyle.

Pep is right Introvert, this really is WS drivel.


I wouldn't fault you for one second if you had remained "divorced." But you suddenly were married again and therefore you words and actions look like nothing more than an excuse to get some "strange."

Do you see the problem and the reason for the 2 x 4's?

BTW, EVERY WS knows what they are doing is wrong. EVERY WS gets that they are hurting others....even those that know nothing of MBers. They are just lousy people and they don't care.

You have not demonstrated the remorse that a WS who has earned the right to put the F in front of those initials has earned.

You have no remorse. You would do it again. You use that threat daily on your recovering wife.

Until you FEEL THE WRONG you have done in your heart to your own self AND TO HER, you have no right describing yourself as a FORMER.

because we think you have potential

.... it's a compliment