Maybe you didn't understand my question. Around here, even when a wayward has ended the physical aspect of adultery, if they are still saying they would do it again given the same circumstances, they are considered STILL to be adulterous. In other words..still a WS, not a FWS.

When did I say this?

If I did say it...I'm not aware of it.

Now that I have knowledge of MB principles under my belt, I would do plan A (which I did, before I found out the "truth" about the affair, without even knowing about MB)...and if that didn't work, it would be straight to plan D.

Sorry, but plan B is just NOT something I could put myself through. The personal recovery part of plan B is great...but that can be done during plan D...without letting my WW screw OM for a while, then letting her come home (which is the ultimate goal of plan B...hence the word "plan").


And, I must correct your sentence...."Around here, even when a wayward has ended the physical aspect of adultery"...

It should read..."around here, we will ignore what you actually say, twist it to what we want to here. And if you don't toe the MB line and say exactly what we want you to say...we will disect your post and call you a cheater...even if you aren't"

Don't let them get to you Introvert. Many of us do hear what you are saying.

BTW I feel the same as you about plan b. I could never do it. I'd substitute it with plan 'GTF out'!

Ya....me too.

Even plan A is something I could have never done if I knew for sure that the affair was in full swing. I did do a plan A, but I was only under the assumption (i.e. believing KMS' bullsh!t, lies, and manipulation) that she was hanging out with OM for friendship. H3ll, I even told her to invite him over to the house and I'd buy him a beer and throw a steak on the bbq for him.

My instinct was telling me it was a full-blown affair, but I just couldn't wrap my head around the thought of her doing something so dispicable. Now that I know what she is capable of I know better.

Just like I could state as FACT that our marriage is now better because my affair "helped" Mr. W get that he needed to be home with his family instead of working all the time? I know Mr. W was sure glad to have that kind of "help"...NOT!

Can't you see why that is nuts to say? Why that is the same thing that is being said by intro regarding his RA?

Good grief, if I (or any other FWS) said the above [and meant it] I would get HAMMERED here and rightfully so...



Sure looks like you did Intro....


Good Luck,

Mrs. W

On one hand Intro says he is wrong and on the other he says he has no remorse.

Sure sounds like a giver and taker fighting against each other inside of him waiting to see who will win.

I am wrong for doing the unthinkable...but if I didn't do it my wife would still be screwing OM. Saying I have "no remorse" (which is something I admittedly have said) is meant to mean that I have no remorse for doing it in the sense that it aided in getting KMS to end her affair (which it did). I do however have personal remorse for the actual wrongdoing...in the sense that I am now tagged as a cheater. It's a catch 22...that's for sure. The fact is if I didn't do it, I'd be on my way to divorce. This is a marriage builders site after all isn't it?

Never EVER have I said to you that my affair doesn't stink Intro...It DOES...It tears me apart that I did what I did...I REGRET it...I have DEEP REMORSE over it...I believe with all of my heart that Mr. W and I could have gotten to a better marriage a different way...

Mr. W and I say that our marriage is better IN SPITE of the affair, not BECAUSE of it...It sure could have turned out another way...We could have a broken family now because of my choice...It is only by the grace of God that we do not...

You have me pegged wrong...I am posting to try to HELP you, NOT to throw stones at you...I'm sorry you don't see that...

Mrs. W

you've been quite clear on this. Personally I am shocked that anyone that has cheated on their spouse would have anything to say about this. THEY do not know what it is like EVERY SINGLE TIME they dropped their pants...what it did to a their BS. I understand your personal remorse for doing this...and I also understand the "no regrets" attitude since it resulted in your wife not f-ing her boy toy any longer.

And the comparisons are not remotely accurate. Your act, although wrong, helped stop an evil. Should you have picked a better way...yep...but I think you should be able to sleep just fine at night.

No, actually what you are doing is saying that your affair was a catalyst in starting you and Mr. W on the road to marital bliss, but because you do not publicly say that the affair was the catalyst for it...you are a "F"WW. But, because I stand firm in the fact that my marriage would still be a marriage of 3 people (myself, KMS, and OM) if I didn't do something unthinkable (like you did) then I'm still a "currently" WH. Right?

I may have said "no remorse" as kind of a blanket statement, and it's probably my fault for not clearing that up earlier. Just took for granted that people knew what I meant. Hopefully it's clearer now.

You can't KNOW that with 100% certainty Intro...Just as I can't KNOW with 100% certainty that I would have followed through with my suicide plan if OM hadn't shown up when he did...

Mrs. W

So who are you Intro?

I really get your pain. I can even feel it. I can feel the reactions and the striking back in pain.

I see your logic. I can even understand it. It makes sense.

Then there is the other catch-22 side that contradicts all the above and even that all makes sense.

I sense you having big struggles with your belief system. If I stay with her I violate this belief if I leave I violate this other belief.

Big personal decision.

Are you letting her actions cause you to act in ways that aren't you?

No, I will not say that (publically or privately) because I do not think it is true...I have been shown that anytime that I've ever stepped outside of God's plan it has caused great pain, strife, heartache, etc....When I choose God, good things happen...

Hindsight being what it is, I would choose God's plan, NOT Mrs. W's plan...

I am a former because my heart condition has changed...The scales have fallen from my eyes and I see clearly the wrong that I did...I am deeply regretful and remorseful...I am wholly repentent...That is what makes a former a former Intro...

Mrs. W

You're right...I don't know that for 100% certainty.

What I do know is this...

- I plan A'd for 1 month
- KMS continued to tell me their "just friends"
- I found out about the PA.
- KMS lied about the amount of sex.
- False recovery for 2 months.
- Found out about continuing sex throughout the month I was in plan A....and continued contact throughout the whole 2 months of false recovery.
- Had a ONS....contact ended same day I told KMS.


You can say that after about 4 months of lies, manipulation, and adultery... that it is just a coincidence that contact ended when KMS was told about my ONS...but it's obvious it wasn't a coincidence.

She was a cake-eating tramp who realized her husband was moving on without her and she decided the grass WASN'T greener on the other side. She was faced with a CHOICE when she found out about my ONS....and made it. A CHOICE she would NOT have made if I were in any sort of MB "plan". The one month of plan A (while she continued to screw OM) proves that.

Am I 100% certain it had to be done?...no. But, as the history of the events tell the tale...I am more certain that the ONS aided in her ending the affair than I am certain that anything else would have worked better.

-

Introvert, I am going to suggest a very simple solution to all of this for you.

STOP defending yourself and sleep well at night. You deserve it.

Okay, so you say that your marriage is better now in "spite" of your affair...not because of it.

From now on I'll say that my marriage is in recovery in "spite" of my ONS instead of because of it.

Can I be a "F" WH now?

Thanks med...I do.

Good Luck Intro...

Mrs. W