He was having a one-sided ea w/ a woman at work and things weren't going well career-wise (people above him not getting promotions so he couldn't move up) PLUS he turned 39.

The object of his misplaced affection wouldn't go out with him. He never bothered to give me a good reason why he had his petition dismissed. Just said he wanted to work on his marriage but he never actually took any action toward that.

Actually, when he had it dismissed, he did it in a pitiful way. His attorney sent the Order of Reconciliation to my attorney. The only signature on it was his attorney's. My attorney called me and said he had gotten it - on our 18th anniversary - and wanted to know if I wanted to sign it. I was flabbergasted. I asked him to tell me, again, what he had gotten. Then, I told him I would sign it if, and only if, then-h signed it first so it had to go back to his attorney, he had to go in to sign it, then it had to go back to my attorney.

He never did any real work.

Nothing but a gasbag - - a very fat gasbag.

I know you're suffering, although you may not recognize how much. It's better than Plan A, but Plan B is still about "how to survive this period of insanity in your life." Jennifer's words.

I think of myself as being married without a wife. Sometimes it is okay, but sometimes is completely sucks.

DD has court in the morning and I have decided to go. Man is she ever mad. Doesn't want me to be there to know the truth, but oh well...

In the midst of her screaming and yelling she said that "my dad will be there too." :MrEEk:

Now what? I honestly don't think that he gives enough sh1t to go, but if by chance he is there it will be the first time we have seen each other since the move almost 1 year ago.

I think that if I have to face him, I'll just say that I am sorry he was ill and hope that he is doing better. Beyond that I have nothing else to say so I'll just high tail it out of there.

I'm open to ideas though....

Hi CL,

Just got caught up on your thread...


CL, would you be 'forcing' yourself to talk to him? Are you wanting to 'see' how you would feel about seeing him again?

....how are you approaching the possible encounter?

Luna,

Not sure. I keep wondering how I will react (or should react given that I'm in Plan B).

Do I acknowledge him, do I ignore him, do I speak, what? Not sure what to do. I really doubt that he will be there, but I would like to be prepared for the encounter just in case.

If you encounter him, say "Hi" and go about your business. Just keep doing what you have to do. If he presses for more communication, tell him you are upset that your dd has made these choices and you hoped to never go through this and that is all you are there to do. Any other conversations are for another time and place.

OK, so basically stick to Plan B and don't communicate? I think I can do it. Have never been in this sitch before, so it's a little scary.

I still doubt that he'll show up. He isn't that much of a concerned parent.

Chai, I hope you are able to stay strong...these WH's have a nasty way of messing with our emotions.....I hope he doesn't set you back in your own recovery.....thinking of you.

Maybe this was meant to be...God has his own plans for us!!!!It could be a good experience....

Well, he didn't show up. I was actually glad. I just didn't know how I would react because it would be like seeing someone I knew a long time ago. I really don't know who he is now, and it would be like meeting a stranger.

Anyway, DD is on 2 years probation. She can't be put in an in-patient rehab because she is taking methadone. They won't dispense it in rehab. If she abruptly goes off of it, the baby will suffer. I don't understand this at all, but that was the decision. Anyway in the end, the judge basically said that she didn't care about the baby, just about getting high, and told her to get out of the court room. As much as I hate to admit it, that is true. Her first priority is getting high. She is getting kicked out of another place now. I have to let her hit bottom - there is no other way. At this point, me taking her in will accomplish nothing other than giving her another place from which to run her drug business. And they'll clean me out.

What an effed up mess all of this is.

Glad things are okay. Your daughter will have to figure it out and reach bottom. I told you about my sons' friend. She is PG with twins and still taking drugs.

I don't get it B. I don't understand the whole addiction thing to begin with anyway.

All I know is that I'm tired and used up by both my DD and WH.

Hi CL,


...yes,CL...be glad... the challenge of you meeting WS has been 'put off' for another time in the future.... but you are right... from my experience....it IS like meeting a stranger and it does FEEL...strange!

...and I can't even imagine what it must be like to be a parent and FEELING so helpless in seeing the destructive consequences of our child's addiction...not knowing WHEN or WHERE the bottom is...because I do think that to make the enourmous EFFORT it takes to overcome and addiction....the PAIN has to outweigh the HIGHS.... and part of the addiction to the HIGHS is escaping the PAIN.... and the vicious circle is hard to break based on what some recovered addicts say....

Maybe not now, but I think one day your DD will appreciate you being there...BECAUSE it could have been easier for you NOT to be there!

...and I also think you are right....you taking her in will only postpone her taking the DECISION ....to do whatever it takes to turn her life around....and take responsibility for her HEALING and getting HEALTHY... and now another life will depend on it, too...

I am so sorry, CL...it's a tightrope walk....to show support to DD all the while not be an enabler...continue doing the best you can...

CL

You really have to separate yourself from them. Someone who is addicted is getting their needs met by their drug of choice.

It is sad, but they have to realize that they want to change.

Chai, I just saw some reviews of your shop on Yahoo or someplace. All 4s and 5s. Good! Now, if only I had a good reason to go to Cincinnati. I live w/in 6 miles of two different knitting stores.

My daughter actually mentioned wanting something the other day. She wants a triangular scarf/kerchief/shawl thing - - long, skinny triangle - - that she can wear around her neck to disguise the fact that the shirt she might wear to school did not have a collar as is required by school clothing requirements. I looked at her and asked if she wanted to knit one but she said she could just buy one at Target. I gotta think this over.

CL, I'm glad that you didn't have to face your WH. Sorry that your H didn't show up for his daughter, and that you have to deal with all of that. Rather, deal with not involving yourself in it, which is the best thing for you to do.

There are no easy roads in this.

CL

Cinder,

Well, I always strive for good reviews, but I've learned that there are some customers who will not be happy for any reason. Also, some competitors will say bad things and get rumors going. But, we do deliver good customer service. You should come up and see us sometime. Straight up I75.

SD,

It's hard not to be involved. I'll be the first one called when the baby isn't getting proper care. Just not sure how I'm going to manage all of it. I'm going to have some decisions to make.

DD has found someone else to take her in for a few days. She has done nothing in terms of finding housing, a job, etc. Her first priority is cell phone minutes. Well, that's probably after getting high.

I decided to get out more so went to the symphony tonight with a friend. We had a good time, so I was glad that I went.

Ran into my cousin and his wife in a restaurant. Hadn't seen him in a very long time, so it was a good thing. I told him what happened with WH, and that I moved, etc. He totally understood because his first wife did the same thing to him. He said I shouldn't be embarrassed about it, that it was OK and that I would be fine. He was with his 2nd wife, and has been very happy. He said he had a friend he wanted me to meet. Why does everyone want to play matchmaker? He is a self-made millionaire, so of course I'm thinking that maybe his friends are too. Maybe I should reconsider.

Tired now. Hope everyone has a great weekend.

Just up I-75....Ok, the drive wouldn't be hard but it would be 300 miles.

Cinder

300?? Are you sure it's that far? On second thought, maybe it isn't up I75. Heck, now I don't know. Over to Mapquest....

I stand corrected. It is 300mi. I was thinking you were in a different -ville. But still, it's interstate almost the entire way. Just doesn't seem that far.

I'm so jealous that you got to go to the symphony. This year I couldn't afford season subscription. Bummer. With our new symphony hall, it's gotten pretty pricey.


To get there, interstates from my house...65 to 265 to 71. From there it's all state or local roads, apparently. 4 hours 40 minutes, approx.....295 miles.

Maybe some day I'll need an adventure.