Sorry I haven't been around much. Work is rockin my world, among other things.

SCQ is at it again, eh? Typical. I know no response is the RIGHT answer, but man OHHHHH man, how I would love to rip her a new one a la your tirade. I know, I know, be the bigger person.

:crosseyedcrazy:

Going out now to have some champagne with a close friend and toast to her husband's new job in TEXAS. Hope I don't get the beer tears.

She was alwasy inclined to obsess about the little things and blow things out of proportion, but that's probably because she has no idea how to communicate her feelings. Or that she has any, for that matter.

But no, she wasn't always like this. The snapping, going nuclear, is all new. It's still shocking when it happens because it's so out of character. I think it's a defensive response--I can expect it if the mirror gets held up to her somehow.

Good question. I don't know. I haven't talked with the OMW lately. I would like to know, though. I bet the answer is no.

Have a great time, SL!

Well reading your early posts was a bit enlightening. Have you done it for a while?
I mean this very nicely because I like you and I know you still have feelings for her....sometimes she come across as a little unhinged.

Now, tell me about carrotgate

Yeah. FWIW, I believe in the concept of Fog and the temporary insanity of affairs and the difference between my WW and my W. This is not who she was. I don't think she could have hidden it for the first 12 years of our marriage.

Don't feel bad about wanting me to be rid of the SCQ. Everyone does. Outside of Jennifer I'd be hard-pressed to name a half dozen people who think I should keep doing this. Well, except for my kids. . . .

And, I hate to disappoint you, LD, but Carrot-gate is what Chrisner has dubbed the latest round of venomous emails, with me not noticing the ziploc bags of three-day old carrots in the bottom of DS8's backpack. Did you find the sippy cup ones back in the earlier parts of my thread? And the silliness that followed? Those were the best. Well, Chrisner's posts, really.

The other ones--dryer sheet rash, chocolate milk--she was just lashing out at me. Or trying to get her needs met. POSOM still interacts with his wife (I assume) to get his needs for parental support met, but the SCQ doesn't have that. I'm sure POSOM isn't interested in talking about our kids, so she does want something from me, even if she doesn't know it and wouldn't admit it. And, like my IC tells me, bad contact is better than no contact.

The emails like the ones I just got from the SCQ are why one is supposed to stay dark in Plan B. I know that they are the work of a crazy person, that they don't reflect my abilities as a parent, and I recovered from them fairly quickly, but they still suck away some energy.

I checked with the kids when I got them back tonight. POSOM took his kids home Saturday night, so the SCQ was alone when she wrote the emails.

Recall that a while ago I made and gave to the SCQ a bear puzzle. The kids knew that I was making that puzzle, but they didn't know when I gave it to her. They never saw it again and asked me about it, and I told them that I had given it to her. Tonight DS8 told me that the SCQ had told him that she couldn't remember what she had done with the bear, and that was why it wasn't on the mantle, which is where he thought it should be. It wasn't even a good lie.

You ever know anyone who has truly fabricated bits and pieces of their lives to kinda make themselves seem just a little more interesting?

Little embellishments all the time on what would otherwise be a fairly mundane story that make it just a little more interesting?

I think waywards are kind of like this.. they embellish, and manipulate the truth.. but they tell the same lie so many times it becomes.. for them at least.. their reality. We all know intuitively that one of the main wayward defense mechanisms is an unwillingness or inability to take a real good hard look at themselves. The lies make for pretty wall dressing and are certainly more interesting than what they know is underneath.. so they don't look beyond it.. they integrate it into their lives and it becomes their 'authorized' history.

I'm sure SCQ and my WW both have those naggling moments where the parts of themselves who knows the truth starts talking.. where the pretty wall dressing gets thin and just doesn't mesh quite right with the rest of the wall.. Well.. we've learned to see these moments as opportunities to change something about ourselves.. learn from our mistakes and make the overall better. Waywards tend instead of the self-analysis approach to throw more, or different covering over the blemish by deflecting the anger or dissapointment they feel themselves onto the most convenient target... while continuing to be in the wayward relationship.. that target will almost always be the BS.. This is one of the reasons as you put it SD.. that a dark plan B offers the best chance of recovery.. in a dark plan B the BS doesn't have to deal with this.. well.. bs.

I agree that it's different with kids, and I'm not saying you're taking the wrong approach.. this is just what insights I'm gaining from our similar situations.

It is almost comical if taking the right approach like Chris here does.. though it helps to have a healthy appreciation for humor that is high on irony... I recommend British comedies myself to develop this skill..

That is a very good point SD, and really makes a lot of sense. If she were truly blissfully happy and on Cloud 9, she wouldn't even be bothered by those things. She and POSOM would just have a good laugh about what a dork they think you are and have some fun with it. The lashing out pretty much says it all. An underlying issue there....

Everytime I think of that email I crack up. I visualize your kids with pants at their chins (Steve Erkel), little coats (think Tommy Boy - big guy, little coat), rashes on their faces, and chocloate milk mustaches.

Oh waywards, you gotta love 'em......

Yeah I had kinda guessed that. Most people don't marry crazies knowingly


No, you got me wrong, I know you still want her, i can see it in the posts, I know it because BTDT. You can't just switch off feelings. If you could I would have given Flick, the flick a long time ago.
Darn, I thought there was another carrot story in the mix. oh well

SD or Guy or whatever you call your self for short, I am not posting to you to talk you out of anything. I find your thread fairly amusing most of the time, I get value out of it.
I do have a couple of obsevations and I fully admit, their my own and therefor suspect

I find it interesting that she contacts YOU when the POS is'nt around.
I find it interesting that she has to nit pick because there isnt anything 'real' to go at you for. I have been thru child exchange isues in the past with my X and when I spoke to him it was about BIG issues, like why has she come home with a sprained ankle (she was 18mths at the time), why does she smell like beer, KWIM? Dirty cups and weird clothing I would just :RollieEyes: and move on.
I also noticed that you find it easier to ignore 'nice' WW, but often feel the need to respond to the 'b*tch WW', do you think she notices too?
I find it very interesting she still makes contact with you full stop. I spent the first 10 years after leaving my X avioding him at every oportunity. If I had to make contact it was bare facts and get the h2ll out of it. She just can't seem to stop herself.

BTW, it was crappy of her to lie to her kids about the puzzle. They know, they'll remember.

Not to threadjack your thread Guy, but something you said resonated with me.

My sons' dad is dead and he wasn't a good husband. But apart from his addiction and affair he was a good dad. What I miss most about him is the bond that we had with each other about our kids. No one will love our kids like he and I did. And it was something that was precious.

I also helped my 2nd husband raise his 6. He called me last Sunday to help his daughter. And I did, and then enjoyed talking to him about her and the other kids. They were in my life for 17 years and I miss that too.

My take is that the affair will never last and SCQ will wake up and want you back.

This is exactly what I was thinking!!

So, what does a sippy cup challenged, Lunch box ignoring, carrot rotting, dryer sheet missing, rash producing, chocolate milk mistake making man have planned for the weekend??

SD,

Are you sure we weren't married to the same woman? I get the same type of "I must exert my power" emails all the time as well. The one she sent you could have easily been mistaken for one of mine.

I too am a terrible parent for putting pants on my boys that were a little too short (goodness, they fit last week!) and have had horribly gross violations such as putting the wrong kinds of foods (in her opinion) in lunch boxes, etc.

And, like you, I have had my moments of writing draft emails like the one you posted and never sending them.

They will unfortunately never realize they are cheating, adulterous women with no morals and ARE bad mothers who destroyed their families over selfish interests.

The kids will realize it for themselves one day. We won't have to say anything because we will have been at their sides all along. We can take comfort that we are a constant presence for them and a solid foundation in their lives.

I've almost taken a vow of celibacy to be exclusive to my kids for as long as necessary. They're all I care about and live for and I get that same vibe from you.

The similarities with my own ex are creepy, lecturing emails and all.

Keep at it. Be strong. Good things will come your way.

I got some of those emails from my x. I've written responses and not sent them, too.

He is better now....but, sometimes, he doesn't realize that no one died and made him God. And, one of these days, he WILL have to answer for what he has done.

As for too small clothes....the children will survive that. I bet half the children in their class have worn too small clothes this week.

But, the last sentence of pom's post is on-the-mark.

It wasn't long ago EXWW asked me if I was puposely keeping all of DS4's blue jean shorts, cause all he had at her house was kaki's.

now keep in mind she's done this with different articles of clothing on more than one occasion. The problem is she does laundry about once a month. So what I am basically accused of hoarding is usually at the bottom of a pile at HER house. :crosseyedcrazy:

It's a source of amusement for me.

You are easily amused. Your Momma probably just wrapped up empty boxes for you at Christmas and birthdays and you were still happy.

Man, does this bring back memories of DDs being little and being so ENTHRALLED with the packaging that they didn't want to open the gifts.

We bought them a pony one year and put a big maroon bow around his neck. They had that bow for YEARS - long after the pony was gone.

That's all changed now. I don't know why I bother wrapping. :RollieEyes:

Fox

I went to bags and tissue paper a Looooong time ago. I wonder if SD messes up gift wrapping as bad as chocolate milk and carrots?

Guess that will be a Christmas email from SCQ.

"SD,

DD5 received a paper cut while unwrapping one of your lesser efforts of a gift. I always told you to use Scotch® Magic™, 3/4" x 650", 1" core permanent adhesive tape for packaging, wrapping, sealing, mending and holding, but once again you defy me and use a 1/2" non-opaque off brand. Kindly in the future Blah blah blabbitty blah blah.

SCQ"

Maybe I'm crazy - I still love wrapping presents...and unwrapping them. Shall I send everyone my address?

My mind is in the gutter and I have no comment on any "packaging" or "unwrapping". Well, with Halloween right around the corner, I'm sure there will be something about a costume or unchecked candy to harass you about.

I'm really surprised at how BC has been able to keep it together, lately. So tame. He must be busy or in love, or something.

I think I've only read this thread the last few days, because it is cracking me up

Yep, I really had to bite my lip to resist a response to Cinders last post.

Well, Chris, if I'm not mistaken, you currently have someone to burn off that energy WITH. SOME of us do not. Hmmmm, maybe that's why BC isn't around--he's burnin off some steam

I'm jealous

Yep!!

I am going to my very first homecoming dance in my life Saturday. I will probably be the one spiking the punch!