You told us WH has REFUSED to get DNA proof OC is his child.

whenever this type of refusal happens ... the WH is trying to avoid some sort of truthful confrontation with OW !

IF he pushed a DNA test he would have made OW suspicious that:
A. he might be married
B. he might NOT be "almost divorced" like he told her
C. he might still care about his wife & kids

A REFUSAL to protect his wife and COM by getting DNA proof is a rat caught in a trap of his own lies until proven otherwise

Do not consider marriage recovery without DNA proof - it's a boundary every BW ought to enforce

refuse to get DNA? = buh'bye
Pep

OW will hear what she wants to hear. He may have said he was separated or "getting" divorced. She hears the wife is out, the M is over and he is MINE. Then she feels some tug on the other side so (not always mind you) she gets pg to ensure her place in his life.

In my case my H said "we don't have a good M, I am not happy" and OW heard "I am getting divorced, I am available, I will rescue you from this horrible life". Not exactly the same thing but each got what they "wanted" , right? He got sex and she a lifelong tie to him via a baby. What did I get? Sucker punched.

Hi, Update.............H cames home last night just as I suspected he would. He was screaming get the "F" away from me "F" you. Now I'm going to have to pay child support, then in the next breath "she doesn't want anything to do with me and won't let me see my daughter! (Gag) I don't care about her at all, but I do care about the baby"

Just like I thought he would he took over the family room with my son, and I went upstairs. I told him the on;y reason you are so angry is because you got caught!

It gets to be about 10PM, and my 9 year old is still up. So I go downstairs and tell my son (in French) to go brush his teeth and put his PJ's on. I love to do this to H because he has NO IDEA what I am saying! Been married almost 18 years, think he would have picked up something by now........DUH!

I go to bed, and he comes into the bedroom and asks if I'm ok.

He says come downstairs with me. So I go, and what does he want?

SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF! This morning he tells me he is Distraught, and can't imagine not holding his baby again. I said I understand how you could feel that way, but don't tell me about it, cause I don't give a shi*! I said "Your distraught?-Welcome to my world, I've been distraught for over a month!"

We have a MC appt. tonight, he says he is coming and will meet me there. He is going to try to turn the tables on me, saying that I runied his and OW plans for him not to pay CS.

He says we will lose evrything is she takes me him to court. That's a total lie. I told him so too. I said so what if she gets whatever percentage of your salary. You're going to have to make some sacrifies. Trade your Mercedes in for a cheaper car, and have a $300.00 payment instead of a $600.00 payment. Take your lunch to work, don't go to a restaurant everyday. There's lots of thing to do to cut corners. But don't ask me to sacrifice any of my luxuries because you were stupid enough to screw someone else without protection!

And Yes, The more that I have thought about things since yesterday, the more I believe she did know he was married. H was her boss. When I would call the office to talk to H and she answered the phone, she would ask who was calling, and I would say "His wife" H may have told her we got divorced after that.
but wouldn't she wonder why she could never come over to his house? SHe either didn't care that he was married, or is a total moron! Sorry for the long rant...........but I couldn't make it any shorter because of so many details.

Thanks for listening (again)

Hurt

I disagree.

He isn't insisting on DNA simply because he doesn't want to tick OW off or even think that she'd be "unfaithful" to him. His W and COM are not even factoring into his decision here.

Stay strong,

Eibrab

he's really acting dumb

GET A COURT ORDERED DNA TEST IF HE IS THE FATHER HE CAN GET COURT ORDERED VISITATION AND COURT ORDERED CS FOR HIS DAUGHTER

did he think he was NOT going to pay child support for the daughter he cares so much about?

he's acting nutz

Pep

I am assuming you told him to take a hike.

PLEASE speak to an attorney. You are dealing with things that you certainly need professional help with.

Your husband sounds like an evil person and is going to keep playing you and the OW as long as you both allow it.

He also shows what a dirtbag he is by trying to get away without paying CS.

I sincerely hope you are getting a very good look at the man you call husband right now.

You didn't screw anything up.

He did the moment he dropped trou.

He doesn't realize right now that he has A LOT of work to do.

I agree with Pep.

He needs to go to court.

This was never going to be a situation where he could pay OW under the table. The moment she knew she was pg, she knew she had him over a rail.

The only way to take control back is to have everything done LEGALLY.

He needs to get that thru his head right now.

OW is not the sweet innocent he might envision her. I'll bet the farm she's gonna make this really hard once she figures out he's not leaving you.

(oh, and if you haven't gotten that by now, get it...he's not leaving you unless you kick him out)

I have to disagree a little about H not wanting to make her mad. She is not interested in him as a partner. She is in a relationship with a different woman now. I had it checked out.

As much as I DON"T want H to pay any CS to her, at the same time I am or will be glad. Right now in his eyes, she is the perfect one. The person to have fun with, go places etc. SHe's not the one who is fighting with him over bills, children, money, the evryday BS we all go through with our Husbands/wives.

If she starts making demands on him, he will see her in a different way-as a problem. He says he doesn't want her, but he's such a liar, I don't know what to believe.

SHe told me she doesn't want me around her baby, this is based on lies my H told her about me. I told H, if she takes you to court, you'll get visitation rights. And you can take the baby anywhere you want to see anybody you like. She will not be able to do a thing about it! I'd like to turn the tables on her a bit............Now wouldn't that be fun???

I know this sounds crazy, but right now she is the jealous one. In her eyes he's cheating on her with me. But then again, if she's with this woman, than maybe she doesn't care. Hard to get to the truth when everyone around you is lying like a rug!

At the very least I can hold my head up high, I didn't do anything wrong. it's all the a-holes around me who need to class up their act!

HuH?

Medc, Of course I told him to take a Hike! I said more than that!

I went to the Dr.s to have myself checked out for any STD's or HIV. Tests came back negative. Thank GOD!

Right now, I wouldn't let him near me sexually with a ten foot pole. When and IF we ever have sex again, he's wearing a condom, and not for birth control........for disease control! I had my tubes tied a couple of years sgo. I have 4 kids but have been pregnant 9 times, lost 5 babies. Wanted to try for one more, H said no, so I had the surgery. I did doit for myself also. I didn't want to go through the heartache of another miscarriage.

ANyone who's been through it knows what I mean.

I do have a lawyer on retainer, I've protected myself from day one. In my area she is known as "The Shark" for representing women in divorce court. All I have to do is pick up the phone and say the word go.

H underestimates my abilities. He thinks that because I don't work that I am somehow niave (sp) about what goes on in the world

WHat a joke! I speak a different language that he can't even understand............my 9 year old can understand every word I say. That's also due to the fact that I've been speaking to him in French and English since he was 6 months old. Same thing with my oldest daughter.

H hates it when I'm on the phone with my mother. He thinks that we are talking about him. I told him I had better things to talk about than him.

I am applauding you right now!

Hi Pep. Yes she is in a realtionship with a woman. This is what I know of her sexual/relationship history.

First she is with a woman for 2 years.

Then she is engaged to a man for 3 1/2 years.

Then a live-in R with woman for 4 years.

Bad break-up- My Aunt went out with H to a bar (not my scene)
She spoke with OW (who was not yet OW) about her bad break-up with her girlfriend.

Then My H on and off for two years (as far as I can tell)

Now, apparently with another woman.

H said she told him she hated being pregnant, because it didn't feel natural to her. Don't ask me, I don't get it.

That is why I want a DNA test. If that's what I know, Imagine what the real story is!!!!!!!

You should have a DNA test anyway. Most courts will insist on one unless the man signs the declaration of paternity voluntarily.

I know he sighned the birth certificate, but the OC has OW last name. Thank the Lord for that!

sigh... these men are ALL idiots! :RollieEyes:

Tell me about it! Have MC appt. in one hour. I'll try to get back on for an update. If I'm still alive!!!!!!

Has it been an hour yet?

Hi! H and I had our MC session last night. I was afraid he wouldn't show for the appt.

I am happy to say that it went extremely well. I told counselor how I had made the call to OW, and now H is mad at me because she told him she was going to take him to court. But later that day she also said she wanted nothing to do with H, and for him to walk away from her and the baby.

Counselor told H, in all his experience over 23 years, that the W making a call to the OW was not what tilted the scales for OW to demand CS. He said I was right to have made the call, because H has been so deceptive for so long. Counselor told H, at this point in time not to worry about what OW will do.

Now, you have to understand............H comes from a family who never ever talk about any problems, or how they feel.

So it has been very hard for me to ever talk to him about anything.

I believe H had a small breakthrough last night. Without being asked. H said to counselor " I've been thinking about what you said last week, and you're right, this baby is only 3 months old,'there's no need that I have to see her now. She won't know me" I couldn't believe my ears!!!!

H said he will never contact OW again, and that he will stay close to home to be with me and the kids.

Conclusion...........H will have NC with OW or OC, and if OW contacts him, he is immediately to call me or tell me in person.

H says he wants NOTHING to do with her anymore, because she apparently send him several very mean and threatning texts.

I did clarify that when I called her, that my intention was not to stop H from seeing OC.

When we left the building, H grabbed me and kissed me and told me he loves me. Then we went out to eat.

I am glad for now, but I am not stupid enough to think that it could tip back the other way with no warning. So, I do have my guard up.

Please tell him to keep the texts, or document them then erase them.

Keep them in a safe place, just in case.