DS15 just came and told me that he had a fight with OW's 16 yr old yesterday.They were in the kitchen and he angered DS15,who shoved him up against the fridge by the scruff of his neck....magnets went flying off the fridge...OW wasn't home..WH came to see what was happening and said NOTHING...and walked away.
Apparently this kid is OW's favourite...

DS15 followed WH outside and WH said"you know I love you right?

Typically WH couldn't take sides...DS15 has had run-ins with this kid before....

DS15 said"without dad there they are all stuffed(financially)....

DS15 said OW 's cooking is still gross,she makes dishes that I know WH doesn't like....
DS15 asked WH to cook supper!!!........
He told DS15"I know her food is different to moms!!..LOL.after nearly 2 years he can't even tell OW what food he doesn't like???

LOL, trouble in paradise. Trust that there will be more trouble.

You know my ex and I raised a blended family and it took all of my effort and time to do it. The first 5 years were H*LL. And we went to family counseling, I spent lots of one on one time with each child, and we had no financial problems.

Keep making a good life for yourself and let them stew on the back burner.

Thanks Believer....

I just hope that I can hold out waiting for him.....

Last night I took DS18 and a friend out for supper,we had great fun...

When we were alone his friend told me that DS18 was lucky to have an understanding mom like me....I told him theres a very fine line between being a parent and being a friend to your kids.This boy buts heads with his mom often....the mom won't let go of him and let him prove to her that he can be responsible etc...

I am just so relieved that we have a good relationship with all thats happened to our once stable family life....

I so wish I had your insight Believer...I can't get it out of my head that things are good for them,exciting and all with new venture looming....
I value your experienced knowledge more than you will ever know.Keep thinking my WH and OW are different!!

My friends are very good to me and are always including me in things.....I know that God is definitely walking beside me....its uncanny sometimes how I am "rescued' by friends at times when I'm feeling really down and alone ,someone will phone me
and invite me round!

Glad you have good friends. That was what helped save me. I let them all know that I wanted to go out and do things, and they invited me.

It also helps your self-esteem, which was probably in the toilet after the affair.

You so right....when I found out,my self-esteem took a knock.As I lost weight and looked better(infidelity diet),people commented more and more about how great I looked.It shocked me cos I felt awful inside.....
I had always had very short hair as I found it easier to handle,but my hair was the last thing I worried about then and subsequently it grew long and I only got more compliments!!was so weird..I seemed to 'blossom' at a time when I felt the worst in my entire life!!! People would say I looked so much younger and actually be shocked at the change in me...was so weird for me as I don't deal well with compliments.

It was embaressing the amount of compliments I was getting....and quess what??WH said NOTHING..not even you've lost weight..it was laughable.

With the weight loss I could buy more flattering clothes etc and I felt better about myself....and thats where I am now...so there are pros to this affair!!!

I just wish WH could be here with me....

Yes, my life has completely changed since the affair. I'm no longer the same person. Even my ex noticed that.

Living a good life is the best revenge, and hopefully he will join you.

I have always been a pretty confident person and I don't have any hang-ups about going somewhere with a bunch of couples...I know they like me for who I am and don't judge me.

I read that quote about living a good life is the best revenge....and I remind myself of it constantly!

I have never believed in getting revenge cos:

1.its not a christian thing to do....
2.It will come back to bite you!!!

Something else I feel strongly about is keeping ones dignity..I've never bad-mouth OW to WH etc..although I wanted to.WH once said to me "why don't you just tell me to f@#! off"LOL
Ok..I did plead and cry in the beginning !!!!

I won't give WH ammunition to throw back at me

This comment reminded me of a reading from Scripture:

1 Peter 3:1 " Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives."

This is the one Scripture that shows to me the power that a wife can exercise over her husband.

Please do not read this in isolation. It does not say that a wife must become a doormat!

Imagine,thanks for that reference..I don't know if you've heard of Angus Buchan,the farmer/evangilist....but he gets a lot of flack for using that phrase from the bible.I think people don't like the word "submissive' and they lose the meaning of the scripture. They think women have to be doormats....

I'm going to my lawyer on Monday to finalise the D papers.....trying not to think about it.

Yes. Angus Buchan of "Faith like potatoes" fame.

Having a quiet time at home...just dropped DS18 at a party his D-Jaying at.Last night he went out with his friends,they came home at 2.30am.Anyway,they made a hearty breakfast when they woke and mom got served first... in bed!!!!
Its the little things like that that make me so happy!

I of all people understand the need for doing a STD screen when a spouse returns(I do these tests at work).My question is do you offer to do one too,in good faith?I'm sure the wayward must get angry at this request.

Imagine,I have the book and dvd..was really good.WH saw the book in DS18's room and asked about it....We lent him the dvd a month ago,don't think his watched it yet.

I am keen to see the movie about Hansie, as it has the same actor and producers as Faith like Potatoes.

Hi Hope,

Been a long time, I am sitting at home alone, finally able to catch up on peoples lives. You seem to be getting lots of support and great advice. I'm so proud of you hanging in there they way you have.

As far as STD testing. I would wonder if a a truly remorseful wayward wouldn't be upset if they came home and were asked to take such a test. Not one who was willing to do ANYTHING. But one who would be upset I think wouldn't be willing to do ANYTHING.

How lucky for me that OW has hepatitis C and the chances are very slim that WH is protecting himself. The A could literally cost him his life and he doesn't give a hoot.

So nice to hear from you Queenie,you also seem much stronger.I know whats its like though....one day you on top of the world full of encouragement,then down the next day.
Queenie,I'm curious as to how you found out about OW's Hep status...?

I sometimes wonder if I'm not in a fog of my own.Charlynnes daily devotionals really lift my spirits and my hopes too...

I agree with you about the std testing......

My DS18 mentioned to me that while he was at a club on friday night,he went outside with a friend for some fresh air.A guy in his twenties came up to them and started talking to them about God...DS18 is a christian at heart especially since his major bike accident.Anyway DS18 ended up giving this guy his cell number as they are organising a youth camp and DS18 was interested.God definitely turns up at the strangest places...

Hi Hope

Well, when WH left me he told me about the winner OP was. He told me that she didn't have a home and that in order to have sex, they went from friend's house to friends place. He told me about how OP lived in a one bedroom apt with an former war vet who was very sick and in line for a liver transplant and at any moment they would need to leave for Portland because he was supposed to get one.

He also told me that she was on state disability for a liver condition. But I just left it alone.

One night he was online and I asked him why he was up so late. He said he was waiting for her. I knew I would bite, as I looked for any kind of information at that point. I asked him where she was, he said good question. In the end he told me she was out smoking crack and her daughter was looking for her.

I asked him why she would be smoking crack, he said she was in a lot of pain. At that time, the war vet was dying and I guess she was emotionally upset. Oh yes, both her and WH were financially dependent on this guy b/c WH was turning his entire paycheck over to me.

So she was in pain, from migraines, cysts on here ovaries, nettles - whatever the heck that is, and her liver condition. I asked him what her liver condition was and he told me Hep C. I was stunned to say the least. STUNNED. I asked him how she got it. Sharing heroin needles with her ex husband.

But WH was going to save her and give her a new life.

ICK....

The irnonic part, when WH left he told me that we didn't live a healthy lifestyle. Oh yes, he won out with OP. She is healthy, happy and productive at her best.

He just pushed the knife in harder and kept twisting it. Crazy waywards.

You can't get this stuff in novels. People just won't believe it.

Queenie,that just goes to prove..they are definitely ABDUCTED BY ALLIENS!!!!

What the hell is your WH thinking?There's no future in that relationship..IMO

Imagine,I would believe that you should have enough info by now for your novel....
If you don't mind me asking,why do you hang around this website..are you maybe curious to see the outcomes of different situations?

Quite frankly the outline for the novel since arriving at this site has not altered direction. Really, it requires my pulling finger and just writing the darn thing. Occasionally, I get great lines from posters here which I hope to incorporate.

As to why I hang around... I think that I possess reflexive insight. Or, simply put, I can put myself into a BS's position and run multiple scenarios -pretty much like chess.
I thought it appropriate that I choose the name "Imagine" to reflect this process.

Empathizing is painful. I justify the agony by arguing that I am helping my neighbor. Also, that I am serving my marriage through learning from vicarious experience.

I do not know the extent of positive contribution (if any) that I have made to this community. I suspect that my best efforts benefit the "other" board. I am pleased to see folk from that site refer here at my (and others) suggestion.

Thank you for the opportunity to crystallize my thoughts and motivation.

Evidently WH thinks they have the most magnificent future ahead of them.

Imagine, if you use part of my story, I want a cut... I'm broke, OK

Ok,I've just got back from my lawyer...

We changed a few minor things and I signed the amendments,if WH is happy than we can proceed with the actual divorce.It felt weird signing the amendments though.WH can still disagree with them...
A friend of mine had reminded me how last year WH had withdrawn money from our bond without my knowledge.I told my lawyer and she is making him pay back my half to me!!!That was a bonus I never thought I would get.He'd drawn this money as he was in debt cos of running TWO households...What comes around goes around hey......

WHG hasn't paid me my money for this month and he normaly does by the 5th...I think he is doing this on purpose cos I haven't signed the loan yet.My lawyer is faxing him a letter today.
No money,no loan LOL

My lawyer said in passing that she felt sorry for him cos of the state he has got himself into.
Anyway,life goes on...