Two key things to remember in Plan A:

1. NO EXPECTATIONS

2. You can't take what they say to heart, waywards lie and spew fogbabble all day long.

You just stick to the Plan A stuff. Example:

He says: "I just don't feel the same way anymore."
You say: "Me either, I was a little chilly earlier, now it's too warm. Pass the rolls please."

See, you totally ignore their fogbabble and focus on Plan A strategies.

K?

Fogg:

This was so accurate in my situation. Every time WW and I would have a few good hours, I would try to talk about our issues. Fail not, every time, it would turn sour. Only after wasting weeks of my time did I stop doing that and did exactly what meggy is saying to do. It can work. It is very hard to do, but once you do it for even a couple days, you start to see small changes. Then you say to yourself, if it worked good for 2 days, 4 days should make it even better...and it does work.

Be very civil. Do not bring up working things out. You almost have to pretend nothing is going on. Just meet his emotional needs for now. The other stuff will come later. You need to be the perfect wife. And be the perfect wife by HIS definition, not yours.

Good luck, try to enjoy the dinner and let us know how it turns out.

Wow, that's great, dinner! There are many a BS that would love to get to the point where their WS is trying this hard.

You can get caught up in the anger, resentment, and wanting to hurt him back, so much so that the OW will seem like a better alternative. That's why Plan A seems like it's counter-intuitive, but it helps...immensely.

To use a dinner reference. You want to be so affectionate, appreciative, nourishing, and enticing that you like a filet mignon and the OW looks like a cheap hamburger...a substitute for the real thing, but YOU are the real thing.

There will be time to talk later. But right now, enjoy, and save the questions for another time. Make it so he would never want hamburger again...

*Go to dinner looking great.
*Be flirty and bubbly.
*Compliment your WH right at the beginning, say he looks good or something.
*Compliment him at least once more before the evening is over.
*Speak fondly of one happy memory the two of you shared from your early days. Funny would be good, but just a time you were really enjoying being with each other.
*No serious talk.

You can do this.

Oh, one more thing.

*Don't get drawn into anything he says, whether very bad or very good. (Bad is more likely.) Do a quick reverse babble and then change the subject to something happy.

I'm so glad I mentioned the dinner thing! These tips are wonderful... I love the "I was chilly a little while ago but now I'm warm, please pass the rolls" gosh I needed that!

But yup, I will follow all advices and refrain from talking about the relationship....

I will be the most tender filet mignon he has ever tasted/had!

I'll keep you posted on how it turns out!

Thanks all !!

Fogg

I do have to admit, he has been trying.. He now calls me from his office the moment he leaves thus I know how long it takes for him to get home and thus I know there will be not "stops" at the commuter lot to meet the OW to share their 'moments'

Now I know some things but I know I don't know all... not really sure I want to, maybe someday he'll divulge.. taking a DEEP BREATH before dinner so as not to question, argue but to be the woman that he claimed was his soulmate and wanted this lil baby with SOOO Badly (when we had met, I wanted no more children as we had his D20, my D15 and D13..)

But he was SOO excited when I found out I was pregnant, I wanted to give him that blessing as he never was around with his daughter (he took her in when she was 9)

He's a great dad... too bad he neglected to think of her while he was with the OW...

As unhappy I was and may have been tempted, I could never consider an A on my WH b/c he was truly the man I love(d)!

I was more focused on the family......

K guys... wish me luck tonight!!!

Calling you is good, but at this point you can't count on it meaning NC. Time will tell whether his calling is good or not. Stolen minutes are very easy to come by if you want them, even if it's during work hours. My H used to call me more when he had just seen or was about to see OW. He wanted to reassure me nothing was going on, and probably to make sure I was home, since I was always popping up unexpectedly, lol.

In fact, maybe one of these days you should be waiting for him when he gets off work, all dolled up and ready to do something...even if it's just go home and ahem meet some EN's.

Become unpredictable and exciting.

And good luck tonight.

Hey all,

Just got back from dinner! It was really awesome.. The good moments so outweighed the bad and I had to bite me tongue only a couple of times!

He did toast to us, my eyes did well up..He also says, I need to focus more on you... gosh.. does he know what to say or what???


He also mentioned how he "finally did something right" here I thought it would be my opportunity to indicate how he did many things right and he just told me 'not to read into things'

OK?

now we are enjoying ourselves alot.. he comes out with... "I miss our Maddi" (the little one) here's me thinking ... well "s*&T why didn't you ever think that when you were with the OW... Of course I didn't say it but damn... that was the first thing in my mind..

Now, with the other DS's ... he says, lets bring home cheesecake for them...

Nice gesture!! I mean they are watching Maddi and giving her the bath right? We get home... he knows he still needs to speak with them.. about this whole incident as I had said that they are becoming hateful being here... not knowing what's going to happen, how they are humans too and have feelings...
he agrees.. Then he B*&$tches that the TV is too loud and everything else... Why can't he just say... "thank you for watching Maddi for us?"

We get home.. he tells me to bring the cheesecake to them, he has to pee and that way they won't throw it out..

WHY WILL HE NOT TALK TO THEM AND FACE THEM..

Ok, so good dinner, looked hot.. praised him.. basically kissed butt but deep inside, Just a little pissed off inside but I'm still wondering.......

Good job Fogg. I know it is hard and I know you wanna unload on him. Keep steering away from those LB's and just keep up PLAN A.

Remember that this is hard on him too. His not wanting to face the kids could be the guilt he is feeling. As BS's we only know what half of it feels like. WS's can feel a lot of guilt. It can eat them up inside. Remember do not over analyze what he says and do not try to figure out what he is thinking. Don't read into anything he says. It may be the truth or it may be a lie.

Keep it up!

He REALLY wants it back like it was in the OLD TIMES..just the two of you..he wants ROMANCE again...that's what they get with the OW..I know..YUCK..but keep in mind that he really wants YOU...she is not REAL but is opening up those FEELINGS for him again...he came back home to REALITY..important info for PLAN A...

Thanks Jim


now I post that.. go and check on him.. yup, there he is on the bed watching TV... the biggest crutch of our relationship..

So here I am.. saying Yup, great dinner. Thanks for blowing smoke up my butt!

Oh Gosh.. I really read what you guys just said.. And yes, you're right.. he even commented that he was feeling like when we were dating..

OK, then why resume to his old habits once we get home?

Thank you all cause right now I'd love to lamb baste him but I'm going to keep focusing on the Plan A's...

By the way I've completed my EN's Should I give it to him even though he has not completed his or wait?

PLAN A is about YOU meeting HIS ENs only..

Do not inform him about your PLAN.

What ENs were you meeting during dinner?

How can I supress my mind into all the things I'm thinking but cannot say to protect Plan A?

He also said as he grabbed my hand to hold, how our love has endured soooo much since we've met and that we are truly meant to be...


Glad I typed that... plugging that into my mind for the night!

Talk to you all tomorrow.. Gonna spend time with my WH... I'm sure he's in there probably thinking of the OW...

Statements and thinking like this are going to drive you crazy. It will make it harder for you to avoid LB's. PLAN A!

I read this somewhere, maybe on another thread and it worked for me:

Everytime you find yourself picturing or thinking of the OW or the A, picture a great big red STOP SIGN coming up and tell yourself to stop that thinking. I did just that and it really helped me refocus.

Asking about the EN's that I met.. well given the fact he has not completed his questionnaire, I winged it....

I told him he is more handsome than he was when I met him.. How his personality continues to make me laugh.. .I asked him about his work and listened.. and asked questions.. gave him my UA...

We reminisced... he mentioned our dreams of bigger boats, house near the water (closer to my job... yeah!!!)


As opportunity presented itself and he made referense to his 'mistake' I said, there is no need to talk about that, we're enjoying ourselve to much to bring us down...


Golly ... I think I should get an emmy for tonight!

Ok, so really... I'm going to sign off... you guys have me addicted.. and I just left him with my EN's and he looked and said, mine is over here! I said " I know, these are mine, and they are completed"

Asked where I was... just said, tending to the household...

Night all... may all your Plan A's come true!