Cinder,

Nope, no local roads other than about 2 miles off of I71.

Come up sometime for a weekend trip. Any weekend (it's not like I have a full social calendar or even a life, you know).

Good morning Chai,

send me your number at my email and I will give you a call.

Queenie,

Do you still have the same number? If so, I have it...

Yes I do. Give it a little longer, my phone is charging.

Chai,

Glad he didn't show up at court, as it would be just one more thing to think about and I believe you have enough on your plate for now.

I'm so sorry about DD. Both my nephews and my niece went through problems like this. My niece did in-patient rehab and is now doing great. It's been several years, but she's happily married to a great guy and has a new baby. One nephew continued to have problems until about 6 months ago. He's still on meds, but is working to get off of those, too. He's getting married in a couple of weeks - but it took him a long time to get straight. His daughter is the one that just got out of the hospital.

My other nephew had to hit total rock bottom. Ended up homeless and living on the street. We did an intervention with him. He came to live out of state with his aunt(my other sister), and her husband who is a recovered alcoholic. They knew how to help him. He really got his life on track and was going places.

Each one has to get there in their own way and time. Hang in there!!! It's a rough road, but she can come back to you someday. Protect yourself so that you are ready/able/willing to help when she needs you most.


DEFINALTEY reconsider! Why NOT????

Wow! Hello, Chai- hope you are doing well. A point you made a post or so ago struck hope. You feel a little "used up" by your WH and DD. I have been feeling that way now too.

At first betrayal hit me as disbelief,then I used to get mad, then I got panic/anxiety, now it has seemed to mellowed into kind of a sad depression of "I feel all used up".

I have been dealing with these symptoms for years (2.5 to be exact) -- it is nice not to have anxiety-
but the feeling of being taken advantage of is almost as bad.

I thought I was abnormal, your single sentance resonated with me.

I wonder how long it lasts?

just my 2 cents.

Bugs,

I'm afraid Dd is headed for the homeless path. She just doesn't seem to care. Honestly, I really don't know where the bottom is. I just know that she has to want to do it herself or it won't happen.

As for dating? I'm not D'd yet so it's definitely out for now, but after? I don't know. To be honest, I don't want to go through that whole thing again. It's worse than interviewing for a job.

Barbie,

I don't know how long that used up feeling lasts, but I think it will be a long time. When you have no energy left for it, you just don't care anymore. That's pretty much where I am on both counts. Thinking about it anymore just makes my limbs feel like they are weighted with concrete. Sometimes I physically can't move when I give it too much time in my brain. I don't know what that means, but the term "burn-out" flashes before my eyes.

I suppose there will always be a lingering sadness over this. Any loss as deep as this is bound to leave some lasting scars.

Hi CL,


Sorry about the feelings, CL....are you monitoring this with your doctor?

I suspect all the ingredients are there for a 'burn-out' when dealing with a WS...and even more so, I imagine, without the protection provided by Plan B.

...and in your case, you have the added worry about DD and new baby.

Glad to hear you took time to go out with a friend.

Hang in there, CL, and it will be helpful if you can continue to FOCUS on and APPRECIATE what you have in the 'present'.

CL

Trying Luna, trying. It's sometimes easier to focus on all of the things going wrong rather than the things going right.

It's the things going wrong that bubble up to the top and need attention. Maybe that's why we tend to focus on them more.

Gathered my justification for spousal support. I think me and everyone in the US will hear WH when he blows up about this one. I guess part of me didn't want to do it so as not to make any waves or cause him to be any more hostile than he was, but right now I don't give a horse's [censored]. I'm just d@mn tired of being the one who has to work 70 hours per week and struggle with the problems of marital decisions that he just tippy toed away from.

Hi CL,



I think you are doing great, CL, given your circumstances.

...and when you decide to deal with 'things going wrong'... you are CHOOSING to do so because it will bring YOU some relief....so you CAN focus on the the good stuff!

I know Plan D weighs heavily on me too. I needed to 'slow it down' a bit because I felt I had too much on my plate, but my intention is to keep doing what it takes to move it forward but not feel 'rushed' over some of the financial issues only to have regrets later....because clearly when a WS remains a WS, it is very 'unhealthy' for BS to maintain financial ties with a WS longterm...

It seems we have both reached the point of 'appreciating' the idea of Plan D....as we did with Plan B.... the next step is it's execution....which is not for the 'weak hearts'...

...and I suppose...this is where it comes in handy to say....that if we survived D-day and post D-day...there is NO REASON why we can't get through Plan D...right, CL!?!?! :crosseyedcrazy:


(((((((((((((((((CL))))))))))))))))

If you can not bear going all the way to Plan D, you might consider a legal separation. In my state, you can receive Spousal Support even during that. It might detach you from his debt, also.

Luna,

I agree with you in that if we can survive Dday and the continued insanity between that and Plan B, we can probably survive Plan D. It just seems so final. It's sad really. Lives changed, turned upside down and in financial ruin for something that statistics say won't last anyway. I hope we are through the worst of it.

Cinder,

I originally filed for LSA, however WS would not sign. He then hired an atty, and I thought he filed for D, however he didn't - just hired an atty. I'm the one at this point wanting to go to D. It's been over 1 year and he has made no attempt whatsoever to R, so I ask why I should wait any longer. I'm almost at the done point anyway. The longer it goes, the doner I get. Just tired I guess from all of the monkeys on my back. I have to start knocking a few of them off, but the little buggers are hanging on there tight.

I heard that DD got arrested tonight for theft. And would the theft be for something essential to survival, like food? Oh no, she stole a Baby Name book.

Monkeys? No, I have gorillas.

Hi CL,


...well, since we don't know....we're better off thinking that...FOR NOW...at least! :RollieEyes:



I know that 'thinking' and actually going through it is not the same thing....for me it's really 'fearing the fear' and doing it anyways....because the alternative is just NOT acceptable!



CL

CL

Hun, you need a lot of hugs.

Ok, after a year of Plan B, you are bound to know what you're dealing with. If h isn't making any moves toward recovery, there is only so much you can do. Sometimes you need to go to D just to protect yourself, on a variety of levels.

I have known women who existed in the 'separated' stage for decades and who then decided they needed to wrap it up for one reason or another. In both cases, they were women who were middle aged or older and decided there were financial reasons to take care of themselves.

I existed in that stage for 2.5 years. When I ended up in the doctor's office complaining because my heart rate seemed to fluctuate, he and I discussed the need to lower my stress levels. I decided there was no man worth damaging my health. So, I got my act together, found a good attorney (well, I thought she was good ) and got the show on the road. I felt better and my heart stopped acting crazy.

Cinder,

Yep, I believe you are right on all counts. My original limit was 1 year in Plan B. I knew that I couldn't wait any longer than that. I think the possibility of recovery becomes harder with each passing day. I now understand that I'm not all that important or meaningful in WH's life, so it's time for me to get what's due me and put together my plan for my remaining years.

I hope that the spousal support isn't going to be a problem. I have to drop a few more things off to atty on Tuesday, then I'm going to have him go ahead and file.

I hate the idea of growing old alone, but women usually outlive men so there were no guarantees that I wouldn't be doing it anyway.

Hopefully it will give me some needed peace.

Hey, I'm hoping for a younger man. My paternal grandfather was younger than my grandmother. Their older son was younger than his wife. My dad was younger then my mom. The youngest son was younger than his wife. I was the next in the family to marry....he was a few months older than me......maybe that was the problem.

The Diplomat is about 21 months younger than me.

Maybe that plan works better.

I just had to come vent.

I went to sign the documents today for spousal support. The atty had a document that stated facts such as marriage date, WH stated he wanted to end M, has been with OW for over a year, he makes X, I make X-thousands, we started business and I can't make my bills, I need support etc. I signed. He asked if I still wanted to do the LSA or file for D and I said that I did not want this and will not file for D. So, he is going to do MSA.


He then told me that WH is claiming that he didn't know I was moving my busines, he's claiming that he never wanted me to start the business, wanted me to keep my job. He refuses to pay for any business debt.

It felt like Dday all over again. I felt so betrayed. Moving the business was a joint decision and he supported it. I never did anything in the business without discussing it with him first. As for not wanting me to do it. That's horsehockey. He's told everyone how that was my dream and he took the new job so that I could do it blah blah blah. I told my atty that I could get several people to state that WH told them the same thing. As far as the debt, atty has the paperwork where he signed. If he didn't want the business, why did he sign for a loan?

I just can't believe it. Why, I don't know. I guess this is not below anyone who is capable of all of the things that he has already done.

Man, I'm still in shock that he would say those things.

money

I know. My atty said the same thing. He's staring all of the debt in the face and doesn't want it.

I still can't believe that after 35 years you can have so little consideration for your spouse.....

Waywards are insane. Nasty, vile creatures who do incredibly hurtful things.

My wife is really a very nice person. A good mother. Conscientious. Responsible. Nothing at all like the SCQ.

Sorry for the trigger. I hope it hasn't been too debilitating.

Remember to breathe.