You guys doin' ok?

I don't think I've seen this thread this quiet ever.

Ya'll died or something???

Quick update. Thanks for checking up, and thanks Fox for calling out all of the amigos earlier in the week.

I am okay, if not good. I went through a period of anger over the weekend, where the background conversation was right there waiting for the quiet moments. That seems to have really withdrawn during the week, though. I've kept busy at work.

I tell people that I signed the papers last Friday, and the response is "I don't know whether to say 'good job' or 'sorry.'" And I tell them that's how I feel, too.

As I was walking between buildings, I realized that I have not been thinking about It. I have been thinking about other things, like work and the Cubs (*sigh*).

Then just now, I checked in here. I read BobPure's post on the 10-second rule and wanted to send it to the SCQ. I started to check in on my amigos, and I realized that my breathing was becoming tight and my shoulders were tensing up. Not sure what it means, but I'm going to stay away from It for a while. I'll check back in soon. Hope everyone is doing well and has a great weekend.

You did a good job, and I am sorry.

Your kids will know forever what you tried to do.

I'm with Chris here..

I know it's been quite the ordeal for you, and I know that the paperwork probably changes very little other than the 'agreement' is legal now.

I've personally been having some long drawn out thoughts on the whole D thing, and I'm finding that I have a bit of a sense of humor about it.. dark humor as it is..

I find it a bit amusing though to think that in order to break the most important promise a person can make to another person.. you have to enter into an 'agreement' with that same person who has shown to be untrustworthy in the most important of 'agreements'..

Even more amusing I suppose is that the court will actually punish you for breaking the dissolution agreement.. but with the number of no-fault states.. there's really a glimmer of 'reward' for people breaking their first promise.

Ok.. so a little dark humor, but it kind of shines a light on the rediculousness of it all.

I truly hope however that you do find some peace in this SD.. and the realization that years down the road you're still going to be able to look yourself in the mirror and know you did the right thing for you, and more importantly, for your children.

Keeping you in my prayers bro.. time to let those shoulders loose and focus your eyes on your future. I'm sure it's going to be a bright one.

J

MB can sometimes be it's own trigger at times. I get caught up in other people's stories sometimes and see myself in their shoes, which reflects in the advice I offer, so I understand how MB can have it's own triggers.

A little break is in order. Sorry about the Cubbies. I'm a Dodger fan, though I quit following back in '94 and haven't really followed since.

It's ok to let yourself grieve this massive loss (your marriage).

sdguy and kiddos


Fox

Hi SD,

I am sorry for the pain...

Thinking of you.


((((((((((((((((SD))))))))))))))

I think I read somewhere around here that you were going to do an update.

Let's have it....

....and specifically...I think it was on Bugs' thread!

Yeah, I just haven't had a chance to do a decent update, not that there's all that much to say. It was a hectic week at work, and now I'm on a quick trip to Chicago to visit friends. So it will have to wait.

I'm good. Hope everyone is having a great weekend.

Mine is fantastic

looking forward to hearing the update

Have a great time there SD. I love shopping in Chicago. I'm sure guys don't get as excited about Michigan Ave. as we females do, but there are tons of other things there to do too. At least do a quick walk down the Miracle Mile, huh?

Sorry about not being able to go to a Cubs playoff game....



LG

SD,


Good idea...spending time with friends...that's great!

...wait? us?....'patience' is our middle name :RollieEyes:...

Hope you have a great weekend.

Yeah, I guess we can let you go....after all, we don't have real lives.

It's been too long since I updated. Sigh. I've been getting a bit twitchy lately and probably have stuff backing up on me.

So. Let's see. First things first.

Ah, but we were able to go. I got tickets and took DS8 to the game at Dodger Stadium. It was horrific. One of those great life experiences, to be sure--the first playoff baseball game I've ever been to, but to watch the team that played great baseball all summer long morph into choking losers was pretty tough. Especially amid thousands of obnoxious, classless Dodgers fans (there were some nice ones, too). Not an easy thing for DS8, but a life experience we will always have. The nice Dodger fan sitting next to me took a fabulous photo of DS8 and me.

But thanks, LG. I know what you meant. I am a total Die-Hard Cubs fan (i.e., masochist) who relentlessly follows the team, so the whole post-season collapse was quite painful. Because I am a long-time Cubs fan, however, I was ready for it.

Visiting Chicago was fun. It was great to be among old friends I hadn't seen for years, even if it was for a very short trip. The traveling took something out of me--I've been tired this week.

And work is not easy these days. My company and industry are past their peak and in down-sizing mode. There are layoffs all around, and we don't know exactly what is going to happen. I think my job is pretty safe, and even if it gets eliminated, I will get a generous severance package, but all the uncertainty and fear makes it really hard to concentrate and be engaged at work. It's SO demotivating, and it seems like things have been this way for years. Which, I guess, they have. Lots of gallows humor. I've been meaning to post to SL and tell her I understand what she's talking about.

There hasn't been much in the way of communication with the SCQ, which is how I like it. Things have been peaceful in that regard. Minor triggers come and go (the SCQ showing up briefly at DS8's baseball game--long enough for me to tell the moms who were keeping an eye on DD5 so that I could help coach that the SCQ would watch her, only to have her leave right after that--to go grocery shopping, she told DD5. DS8 didn't even see her.), the kids going on sleepovers at POSOM's house, the plans for this weekend's split-squad time (DS8 will go tour the USS Midway. . . with POSOM in tow).

I've been up and down with moods. Sometimes I am angry and want to tell the SCQ off. Sometimes she doesn't cross my mind at all. Sometimes I think it would be easier to just let everything go and be nice to the SCQ, but then I think that I couldn't do that without Plan FU'ing her, because it's important to me that she GET IT.

Why is that so important to us? It's what we all want, right? That the WS acknowledge that they were wrong and recognize how much damage they have caused and take responsibility for their choices. I know I want the SCQ to Get It. It's one I think I need to let go of, but it won't be easy.

About a week ago I got an email from LilSis. It was an email she forwarded from her WXH informing her that he and RT will be getting married. She said it was triggering even though she's much more fulfilled and in a better place. It was triggering for me, too, because that is almost certainly where the SCQ and POSOM are headed. Up to that point, I don't think I realized how triggering that would be. Ugly thought--would they want the kids to participate in a ceremony?

I haven't heard from my lawyer but expect to hear pretty much any day now that my marriage is officially over.

Tomorrow the kids and I are going in for family therapy. For a while now I have been intending to get some counseling for DS8 but hadn't even thought about family therapy until one of my neighbors suggested it. I scheduled the appointment over a week ago, and that has been mildly triggering: How much do I tell the SCQ? Do I invite her? Do I tell her why?

I put off telling the SCQ until today, but here's what I said:



Lots of things in my update that could make me twitchy. Some combination of them has. Not sure which ones.

It will be nice when my life is about more than my wife's adultery.

"It will be nice when my life is about more than my wife's adultery."

You'll get there. And if you follow the course of the MB men before you that divorced, your next wife will be younger, hotter and richer.

Wow, B, you always know the right thing to say to cheer me up!

some of the women do something similar too.

Ay, Believer