Agreed! SW - the couples who succeed here who have been as broken as you two are make an agreement to NOT read, let alone POST on each other's threads. I know that's hard, because you so want to know what's going on with her, but you have to let her have a safe place, and you are working on being safe, but you're not there yet. You have to leave her alone.

Zora should also not read your thread but focus on her own recovery behaviors.

I just know she was hurting, and I wanted to try and maybe stop it a little if I could.

then


STOP

I am trying, I really am. Its just difficult when you know someone you care so much about is in pain. I will be stronger next time.

I did email her a short while ago, my friend who dropped off the dogs said she was confused as to why they are there and what the situation is... I asked her call me or drop me an email to discuss them.

I probably should not have done that either.

Not strongER - with what you've been doing that amounts to giving yourself permission to only be less weak. Just be strong.


I completely agree.

People here cannot help you effectively when you keep sabotaging your own efforts.

Do you have an email you can share? I would like to ask you a few few things offline. You can PM me yours if you dont have any public ones you post...

Brandt: How was your meeting, Mr. Lebowski?
The Dude: Okay. The old man told me to take any rug in the house.

You just made me laugh again. Its one of the only movies that gets better every time you see it.

YOu ever seen this? I use this at work when I need to laugh.

http://thugbot.net/features/lebowski/

I'm a little confused about the OP.

You refer to your wife as your WW, and you leave a note apologizing for what you did?

I assume you were a WS, too?

Did you get an apology as well?

I dont know what to refer to her as for purpose of these boards.Ive left posts calling her my wife and ww. She is a BS, WW, and I think I settled on just calling her my wife because that is what she is.

She is my wife, she did wander but had given up all hope on me.

And I was a WS for a long time, I had a EA for quote some time that turned into a physical one.

If you are asking about her OP, he was a long time friend of ours. I asked him to look out for her during this difficult time. I know she used him for support quite a bit because he told me he stopped taking her calls at some point last fall because it was too draining. Thats really all I know other than the recent events.

My OP was someone I work with, when I thought out marriage was over, I started getting my EN's met from this person and over months of skiing, one thing led to another and eventually a affair later that year. It was never our intention whatsoever, i understand why it happened, its so easy to see now that I have even the slightest clue about these matters.

Does that answer your questions? If not, feel free to drop me an email or PM. I am trying not to post alot. **edit**

You can email my DH at.......

DH = divorced husband?

Why would I care to do this?

Or is that your designated hitter since I am so difficult?

Sorry about the confusion.

OP = original post

DH = Dear (or Darling) Husband

Our precautions go both ways. We have full accountability to each other for communications with members of the opposite sex.

So I think I owe Zora another appology...

I used to give her a hard time for the $$ she spent at linens and things....

Um yeah, I just had to go there for myself for the first time for things like bedding, bathroom, etc....

That was worse than me going to a best buy!!!



And on to something more serious...

I did not make the AA meeting. My friend has been gutting his house he is trying to sell and its just endless work. It was in bad shape. There are a bunch of us there working on it a few times a week, looks like maybe one more weekend of work and we will be done. They all put off working there Sunday to help me move. They are all good people. We always laugh, Even I joined in today. I will attend the next available meeting.

Slept last night for the first time in a week, got 6 hours, all in a row. I actually ate something today too. I guess the not easting and losing weight QUICK was the one positive element of whats going on.

I really think confessing to my parents my lies and deceit was what changed my state of mind. I talked the talk before, went to confession, appologized to zora, etc.. But that was all self serving. I was doing that mistaking thinking it was enough. What my parents think of me means alot, i could have hid this from them as well as my friends. I feel like god lifted the weight of the past when I came to terms with my past and now I can look forward without that weight. Im not saying I dont feel the shame of it, but its not holding me back anymore.

Other than that I worked remotly today, got a few good hours in catching up. Tomorrow I am working remotly in the AM and then traveling north to a few stores. Still metting with the CEO again Friday to see what they can offer but there really is nothing. I suspect they will want me to stay on board and work remotly or in the field 100 percent of the time through octover as this is over 30 percet of our yearly sales. (Party good store so Halloween is huge). That would be ideal, No contact would be guaranteed and I could have a few weeks to secure another job.

Parents are visiting Friday - Saturday. They want to see the new place and im sure buy me something to put in int

Thanks all. Continue to pray for us. And expecially Goingforward and turtlehead because of their dog situations. I feel for you both.

I got my books today from MB. Started surviving an affair. I am not going to rush through it, I am going to try and read it slowly and carfully.

Set up the phone coaching with MB, Waiting for the confirmation but that should happen early next week, there was nothing sooner. Thats ok, its probably best I finish at least this first book before the call.

No change at work, I am working remotly or in the field. I despise working in our stores. They are filthy, and customers are everywhere this time of year, but it beats being unemployed at the moment. I have a phone interview with a job I aplied for online. Still waiting about my former company where a friend still works, he is following up today.

There has been no attempts of contact by the OW. I am surprised, but grateful she is respecting my wishes and not trying to contact me.

Still going to church daily just to talk to god. That bring a sense of peace to me, when I start getting emotional and feeling self pity I walk there. Usually by the time I get there its passed as I try to focus on what I need to talk to god now that I think I understand how to pray.

Other than that Ive been really focusing on helping my friend on his house and getting my residence in order. They are both comming along, althouh I almost went to the hosipital last night cause i though I was going to lost my thumb after cutting it pretty bad opening a curtain rod. It would be so much easier if I did not have such a beautifuly decorated house before, I probably would not have known what a duvet was let alone hve bought one. Im trying to become not interior decoratiing challened. I keep saying, autographed pictured of sox players are not art... Leave them where they are in the closet.

Is it too late to plant a few mums? Anyone know? I need so color up front of my house.

Thank all for listening during this trying time.


Silverwind

It's not too late to plant mums if you're in the south; don't know about the north. Mums bloom in south Texas all winter long.

You bring up a good point about being challenged. In many workplaces, they have people cross-train (do each other's job) so there is no single point of failure and to improve employees' training and value.

In a marriage, we usually spend our whole life doing our side, not really knowing what goes on in the other person's side. I bet if we stopped every once in a while and did a 'take your daughter to work' thing - even just for housekeeping and yardwork, we'd learn to appreciate what our better half does for us.

How true that is. Never though if it like that before. We never did that, I had my tasks, she had hers. And some no one ever did I wish everyone would visit this site, before marriage and during. I bet there would be alot less people comming here out of desperation or in dire straights.

I live in Boston Area so its up north...

They still selling them so I assume its ok to plant, but the ones thay have out on display look pretty ratty. Maybe someone else knows if its too late to plant and have look decent for a few weeks or even months.

So i guess ita half a step back tonight. I was doing very well yesterday and today, up until about a short while ago. I was working over my friend house and just started thinking about the past. It was caulking trim belive it or not, reminded me of redoing all the trim work in our house a couple of years ago. I tried to turn it into the "what can i do better" but this time it did not work.

Right now it seems like every little thing I see, or hear on the radio, reminds me of my wife. Im not letting it blind me like last week, but it still saddens me. It seems the reminders are everywhere or at least I am seeing them everywhere.

I have been reconnecting with friends and thats helping, but it seems like when I am alone I want to be somewhere else with friends, when I am with friends I just want to be alone.

Its so hard to not talk to the person who has been in your life just about every day for the past 13 years. Its taking every ounce of strength I have to not call, or send an email. I understand why I cant, and thats helping me stay strong.

Is this normal? Is it just because everything is so fresh?

Silver

And I still need advice on Mums... Too late in New England to plant them?

FYI:
http://articles.directorym.net/Yell...he_Fall_Boston_MA-r861424-Boston_MA.html