Shucks. Global companies just don't seem to give the same TLC. Then if she keeps on just go the stalker route.

If she manages to harrass him in ways he can't prove, he may have to transfer or even quit. It's not something you need to worry about yet, but kind of mentally toss around the idea of, at what point would you no longer feel comfortable with him working there? Especially keeping in mind that even a FWS who is doing just fine can be led back in fairly easily in most cases if they are pursued enough.

One other idea to consider, is if the problem persisted, to have his supervisor talk to someone higher in the company and explain that an employee is being stalked at work. A company who doesn't want to be liable for potential bad things happening would likely take action to change his info, even if it would be troublesome and involve the loss of business cards, etc.

Make a list of the steps you would have to take to be safe in your recovery, in order. That way if it keeps happening you have a plan already.

EXACTLY, JO..Don't downplay this despite how sincere he REALLY is NOW...

I wouldn't even feel comfortable with him answering the phone and hearing her voice...just the VOICE would get to MY HUSBAND....

There's a PART of HIM... that he may not acknowledge or admit...that WANTS her to keep TRYING...and wants to know that she CAN reach HIM...

Sad to say to you..but it's IMPORTANT for you to KNOW and BELIEVE this...

Your H can rip her a new one in the form of a letter. If he's sincere about wanting this woman out of his life, what's stopping him from writing such a letter? He can also add that he will get a restraining order if she continues to contact him. Is either one leaving their current employer?

He already did, and she is still trying to break NC.

You don't keep sending additional NC letters unless there has been contact on his part, meaning NC needs to be re-established.

I thought he sent the "polite" version not one telling OW off.


True. He could ignore or just hang up but it sounded like he didn't even want to deal with that.

If OW doesn't stop even after he continues to ignore her, HR may have to get involved if OW refuses to stop the harrassment. Is OWH involved at all?

The next step would be a letter the BS writes on behalf of both of them, informing OW that if any attempts at contact occur toward either one of them, they will report it to the police.

Then if it cotinues, they follow through and report it to the police.

Nowhere in there is there any room for the FWH to have any sort of contact, even negative contact. An "I'll call the popo on you" letter is still contact, so it must not come directly from FWH.

Part of recovery is the BS being willing to do the dirty work in dealing with breaches of NC.

Neak's right, she's already left the company that they both worked for. She's been gone a little over 3 weeks.

The problem is that my H is a salesman in a field where he deals with property management companies and she has gone to work with one of the company's that he does business with. WIth that said though, she works in the main office and he does not have any contact with that office only the actual propery managers for the buildings that he sells to.

This is why her attempted contact was such BS....even my H said so. So would NEVER need to contact him now for anything only the actual property manager would.

As for my H and 'just hearing her voice', I don't think or feel that that is going to be a problem. He's really pissed at her because he always thought that she was a 'friend' ... but the last 6 months has shown him that I was right about what she was. He 'thought' that she 'cared' about our marriage and was just trying to help. WHAT A JOKE!!!

Especially now, with her knowing the damage that her 'just friends' relationship with my H has done, she is STILL trying to contact him. He's passed pissed at her. He's calling her names that I haven't even thought to call her, and believe me, I've called her every name in the book.

My H and I also have figured out what in our marriage caused him to seek out another woman to meet his EN's and I have worked very hard to meet every need that he has. In the process, he is meeting mine better than he ever has during our 18 years of marriage.

He works very hard to be transparent to me, always talks to me when he knows that I'm having a bad day and ALWAYS tells me if someone just brings up her name, what was said, what he said, even though he knows that it brings the problem to the surface again. He knows that not telling me is not being totally Open and Honest.

He and I talked about this a lot last night and have decided that if she calls again and actually gets in touch with him, he will say, "Do not contact me ever again for anything" then hang up without allowing her to say anything.

If she calls and leaves a message, he will not call her back and will save the V/M for me to hear.

If she emails him, he will immediately forward it to me and I will answer her and give her a :twobyfour:

We will also talk to our MC about this on Friday but that's still 5 days off :crosseyedcrazy:

Jo:

Maybe it's just ME..my H is the SAME..transparent..takes EPs..loves me more than EVER..says he "HATES" the OW..been happily recovered for 5 years..

BUT..I still don't want him to EVER EVER TALK to her AGAIN..even for one second...

I HEAR YOU..it's most likely gonna work out to be JUST FINE for you...

Can you get any help from OWH?

It was the standard NC letter and was far from telling her off. I see your point with he needs to get nasty with her, but he and I both feel like contacting her again, even with a Nasty "DO NOT CONTACT ME EVER AGAIN" letter, is still opening the door for contact again.


He's really mad that she is still trying to contact him. That I'm finally getting to a point where I don't feel like I'm going to have a nervous breakdown every day and here she is again making things bad for me.

For the first time in a really long time he wants to protect me


Not a problem.....I've had enough of her skanky a$$ and I'm not going to be nice. Sorry guys, I just can't be nice to someone that tried and continues to try to destroy my marriage.

Mimi:

No, it's not just you. I feel the same way but she's not trying to call me she's trying to call him and if she keeps up, she will eventually either talk to him directly or leave a message. I, nor my H can control that.

We do however need to have our ducks in a row so that when/if it happens he is not taken off guard and then doesn't handle it well, doesn't act in the best way that will not leave the door open to her and will maybe put an end to the attempts.

If he never ever has any contact with her again, it would work for both of us.

She's not married but has been living with someone for 9 years.

I'm working on getting info on him so that I can let him know. Other than his name and email address I don't know anything. Yes, I've researched and tried to find out without any luck.

Gotcha.

People at your H's work already know about the affair, correct? Does her work know about the A? Should the attempted contact not end, would your H be opposed to you showing up at her job asking to speak to her? You can let the receptionist know that you are there to speak to Ms. OW because she's a dense sl&t that won't leave your H alone and you need to have a chat with her.

Right from early on in R, my H too was filled with disgust after seeing her dishonesties and manipulations for what they truly were. He was revolted at having his email hacked repeatedly. He cringed at the thought of accidentally meeting her.

In spite of all that, a number of months (six or more, if my memory is correct) into our recovery he went through a stage where she was heavy on his mind and he again had the desire to contact her. He did not, but if she had chosen that time to again break NC, who knows what would have happened?

What Mimi said is absolutely true - even in the best of reoveries, TRUE recoveries, there can be cravings and desires long into the process. Sometimes unexpectedly, after a long period of being fine.

He's handling it well, but this is a very unhealthy situation for you and your FWH both. Somewhere deep down, dormant under the disgust, are all the same feelings that were pleasant at the time. Over time they will shrink to a speck, but he will always have the potential for that weakness and so must guard any access to that part of his past emotions.

Keep up the good work, both of you.

Raven,
SInce she just changed jobs less than a month ago and works for a new company, NO, the new company does not know about the A.

No, my H is not opposed to me doing anything including showing up at her new job.

I also have an email address for a good friend of her's that is also a client of my husbands. This good friend actually asked my H a few weeks ago if my H had talked to OW since she had left H's company. H told her NO and the friend wanted to know why and H told her to ask the OW.....

I got a little steamed with his answer to the friend because I thought that he should have told the friend, even though she is a client of his, the truth and not given the OW the chance to spin a tale about why they no longer had contact instead of the OW's version with, I'm sure will not be anything that even resembles the truth....

H saw the friends email address in my purse and asked if I was going to email her and I told him I'd thought about it. H didn;t say anything else.

I think I Might just sit down tonight and type a nice letter email to her to let her know what her good friend is capible of.

EXACTLY!!..as Neak said....

Neak,
You and Mimi are RIGHT!! I think my problem is that I WANT to believe him when he says he never wants anything to do with her. I've even said to him.."how can you go from spending so much time (about a year) talking to her, sharing your feelings with her, discussing our marriage with her, and all the other crap, and now not wanting anything".

His response is that back then he thought she was his "friend" and that she cared about his marriage but she has proven over and over again that that was not true. That I was right from the beginning when I said she didn't give a rats a$$ about our marriage. That she isn't nor has she ever been a frind to our marriage. Good woman do not do this......Friends DO NOT help you destroy your marriage.

I've also got other people that he works with reinforcing that line of thinking. That she does not care about our marriage only herself. This has been very helpful.

I have an email typed to the OW's live in and will send it today. I'm also going to email her friend that is one of my H's clients and also tell her. Maybe if the OW has to explain to those around her what she has done and is doing maybe she'll think twice before trying to contact my H....

I will do whatever I have to do to keep that skanky HO away from my H so that I do not have to worry about her contacting him for some BS reason.

From what you have shared of his ACTIONS (not words) as a repentant FWH, I do not think that his insistence that he is disgusted, finished, etc. are at all because of dishonesty on his part.

I think he has a lack of self-awareness at this point. (Normal for early stages of recovery.)

That's why it's so important that you understand it the way you do, because it's going to take him a while to assimilate his feelings, weaknesses, etc.

By no stretch do I totally trust his negative feelings about her. I know that there is a chance that the moment and circumstance could be right at some point for him to talk to her. Therefore my reasons for not wanting her get have comtact with him.

I'm going to do what I have to do to stop any contact.

GREAT!!