Agreed. Big mistake.
Here is a synopsis of what you will see:
Desperation. Crying. Begging. Pleading that you not expose OM.
She will be in full protection mode for her lover. Do you want to see that? She will blame you for hurting OM's wife (ignoring the fact that HER actions were the cause...not the telling...)
Then if her crying doesn't work -- she'll try anger. She will unleash venom upon you like you have never heard before.
She will tell you that she was "trying" but now she can't. That you are someone she can't trust. She will try using her "I'm leaving you" card when the other things don't work. She will try to shift the focus from "exposure" to making you afraid that you're losing your marriage. She will likely contact OM to warn him. Then OM can spin the story to his wife that some crazy jealous husband is stalking him.
Don't put yourself through this. She will do ANYTHING to keep you from telling OMW. You will see sides of her that you would never expect to see.
Just do it -- no warning. Just inform your wife after the fact.
I love this. This is an exact description of what happened with Wayzilla.
I had not threatened exposure, but a conversation one night (a couple days before exposure) about Gollum's betrayed wife got twisted in Wayzilla's head and the fog horns started blowing.
This was her best performance by a wayward in a leading role ever. She went through Lexxxy’s list verbatium in that exact order. She begged, pleaded, cried, spewed, and threatened. What a great time that was. This was the night she performed some of her greatest wayward lines ever.
I kept very calmly saying, “I never said I would call her.”
She finished sitting up in bed with her arm’s crossed and teeth clenched growling, “If……You…..Tell……OM’s……BW……I’ll…….I’ll…….”
She never finished that sentence but I suspect she was not going to say, “buy you a new fishing rod.”
What a skit! Still, I think I hid all the shears and kitchen knives that night.
I exposed a couple days later, but true to wayward tradition Wayzilla and Gollum tried to hatch a preemptive plan. Waywards are ever so clever.
I came home on a Friday night and Wayzilla was in a great mood. She told me that Gollum had confessed the affair to his BW the night before and she had taken their 2-year old son and moved out.
I replied, “That’s funny, you think she would have mentioned that when I talked to her this afternoon.”
Wayzilla’s head literally dropped to the table.
That day I exposed to Gollum’s BW was the best day of the whole ordeal.
I can't believe the day has come when I would be laughing out loud telling this story.
I do hope that things work out for him and his W.
I love that picture. 