AH:

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

IF, and that's a BIG IF, you have never seen your wife naked, the problems in your marriage are much deeper that you liking women in tight jeans.

A women in tight jeans is just about fantasy world for me as well.

But I get to see my even more delicious W naked. Whenever I want. Yes, she has her modesty moments. But the lights can be on, or the candles, or the sunlight coming in the window. I get to see her naked.

And if your not having SF with her anymore and she's spending all her time on second life, then she is replacing you with a fantasy world, and take deal with reality. After all, on line, you can unplug or leave that area of the game or do a number of things that you can't do in real life.

Now, you could have, early on in your relationship and mariage pointed out that your W, just wasn't as sexy as other women, or she at least perceived this, early on. She may also have serious self-esteem issues. Either way, there is a reason that folks here are recommending counseling.

LG

I stand by my original post.....I do not think this man has a fetish, possibly an obsession, but I tend to think this is more of a need in the PA dept. that is quite specific. He likes women in jeans.....I guess I can relate because my WS #1 need is PA and he is very specific in this area, which thanks to HNHN, MB, and Mimi, I have learned this is NOT a bad thing. Actually, it makes it much easier for me to fulfill this need.

I also think your wife does have self-esteem issue's. I too have this problem, which I have worked hard on. I USED (and admittedly still do....) to think when my WS would see another woman and see something he liked on her whether it was her make-up, an article of clothing, her nails (this happened last week... :D), or whatever and he told me, I ALWAYS took it to mean that it was a FLAW in me. That is not what he was doing. He was saying "Hey, I like this. It turns me on, made me notice, and I would LOVE it if YOU, the woman I love, the woman I married, the love of my life, would try this out." But with my esteem issues and the problems in our marriage, not to mention my screwed up way of thinking sometimes, didn't take it this way.

Mimi has worked VERY hard in drilling this into my hard-headed brain.....WS wants me to do this because he wants to be MORE attacted to me, because he loves me, because he wants to be with ME...not because he doesn't love me, not because he doesn't love me the way I am, just because he wants to love me MORE.

To me this is no different than if it were a weight issue.......

BUT.....this is not ruining his marriage. It is an excuse for his wife to continue in her affair, or at the very least a justification to "go there".....

not2fun