I did this for over a year. My H told me that they were "just friends." I asked him point-blank if they were having sex. He said no. I asked HER, she said no. She even tried to be friends with me. My GUT told me it was bad, but I didn't want to believe my gut because it meant that the man I married was lying to my face.
Eventually, I caught them in a small lie, but I must have looked upset enough for H to worry and he ended his "friendship." But it started again three months later and continued for another THREE YEARS without my knowledge.
It was a PA from the beginning. He was "gaslighting" me...making me believe it was all my problem, that if I were more secure with myself I would be ok with his friendship, that he could have female friends. It's B*$%#$t!
A man who is committed to his M will give up ANY friend just because his wife is unhappy. There is NO CONTEST. Think about this...if you had a male friend and your H was uncomfortable with it, wouldn't you stop your friendship? Wouldn't you choose your H over a friend?
I am so sorry to hear what you are going through, but your H is in an active A and it will not get better until you EXPOSE it to everyone, establish NO CONTACT with the OW, and start to rebuild your M together.
Definitely snoop. My first suggestion would be to ask to read ALL of the texts. Then hide a voice-activated recorder in his car so you can listen to him talking with her when he thinks he's alone. Ask for transparency. If he has nothing to hide, he won't have any problem with this.
DON'T IGNORE THIS. It pains me to think of someone else going through the horrendous years that I endured.
MogiSola
