And it is the truth. I've been here a long time, and after reading here, the men do JUST FINE. Like shooting fish in a barrel.

I can totally relate Guy.. have no answers myself either, but I can say with certainty I'm right here with you on this.

I'll take hope here from Believer as well.. and while younger, hotter, and richer would be verra nice.. I just really want someone who will be good to me and my kids, who I can relate to.. not just be related to.

I think to some extent that's what we all want.

Until that person comes along though..I've got a year and a half old black labradore who's amazingly happy to see me when I come home.. he's not good at cuddling, or conversation though.. he just kinda lies around and barks at people who wander past the house.

Hey SD,,,,I'm with you on this as well. Wish Drac would 'get it', too. And yes, we DO need to let go of that and NO, it's not easy. A work in progress as they say.

Pls tell Sis we are thinking of her! I'm sorry to hear the RT and Ex are making it 'offical', we should start a pool on how long the demise will take. I'm especially glad to know that she is in a much better place,,,,,,,,,so that while this is most certainly difficult & hurtful, she is better equipped to work through it.

I'm glad you are going to family counseling. It will do you all a lot of good, I think. I am also glad to see that you DID inform SCQ. It was the right thing to do. I understand the difficulty and hesitancy with telling her about it, but don't be surprised to have her backlash be extreme due in part to the late notice. However, I must say, I don't know how ANY parent can argue that counseling would be BAD for their kids before the counseling has even begun. I hope that you have a good counselor and that you all get some healing!

I'm almost there with my life not being about Drac's infidelity,,,,,,almost. And the truth is, what little bit is still about it is totally because of ME. I recognize that and am working on it.

So glad you had fun in Chi-town. I'm headed up for a long weekend myself at the end of the month!

Have a great weekend. Let us know how things go with the counseling!!

SDGUY

Adultery sucks.

Glad you had a fun time in Chicago. I sure wish I could get away for a little while. Everything is weighing on me again as I continue the preparations to take WxH back to court for the arrears and now a bill that a collector is going to start garnishing my wages for. My old attorney was supposed to have dealt with it and reassured me over and over that he would take care of it and it would be dealt with in the D. It was not dealt with and the judge didn't address in the decree. So now they will garnish my wages and I will have to go after WxH for it. What burns me the most is that it was a bill for dental services for WxH. I paid all of DDs and I's. I imagine I will end up having to pay for 1/2 the bill as we were married at the time of the services. I think I'll ask for 1/2 his teeth in return.

Oh well, I should be able to go to Vegas again in January. It's for work but there is downtime so I'll get to have SOME fun.

Sorry to hear about your job, no matter what safety net you have, it's worrisome. Like SL, you are always welcome here. I'm not sure what you would DO.......know anything about cattle?



I think I want WxH to realize what he has done because that is the only way I will know DH is still in there somewhere. It's denial to a certain degree. The people we knew COULD NOT have done this if they had only KNOWN what they were doing. And when they KNOW, they will stop. Right?


That just makes me want to hurl. Hugs to Sis.

When Babs finally gets divorced (date now in Feb) it will either be the demise of their "relationship" or they will get married. Babs lived with her BH for 3 years before demanding they get married or call it quits.

One part of me wants them to get married as I fully believe they will destroy each other - and WxH will be further hurt and it might be the straw that broke the camels back and reawaken the decent man inside him.

I hope for DDs sake that they call it quits and WxH rediscovers his children. He is missing so much.......



I really hope you have found a good counselor and it is helpful for all of you. I'm sure SCQ is going to have a snitfit as she will feel you are blaming her for harm done to the children when she is certain there hasn't been any. Do what you know is right and her snitfit be darned.

Take care, sdguy.

Fox

Reminds me of EXWW WHEN she was home

Thanks, guys.


Yeah. Here's the response:

I do not agree to you taking the children to the counseling session with or without me. These things need to be discussed and agreed to by both of us prior to making an appointment. You will need to cancel the appointment for tomorrow. You have not raised any concerns to me. I have no concerns related to the children. I do not see the need for them to see a psychologist. You need to tell me what the issues are before anything with this happens.

So, I'm not cancelling the appointment, but I'm wondering whether I should have done things differently. Opinions?

Don't respond, IMHO.

Keep your appointment. YOU have seen a need for your children and yourself to get some help. SHE is going to deny it until the cows come home.

SHE didn't ask for your agreement when she flipped their world upside down. There is no point in telling her that, however.

(although, to be honest, I probably would.)

You might just find that your children don't need any outside help, but at least you made the effort to find out for sure.

You have every right to take them, IMO.

Fox

Unless there's something specific in your custody agreement I really don't see where she has any say so what so ever.

If the children are fine, then the psychologist will tell you so. I went to a counselor once after D-day and after the session he said I was handling things properly and in his opinion I didn't need further counseling. Now, I could have kept going and he would have been more than happy to take my money, but he flat out told me I didn't need it and I'm sure yours will say the same if that's the case.

If you reply at all it should be just to let her know that you are not canceling the oppointment. That way she's aware that her children are in counseling. Tell her she THINKS the kids are fine. You want to KNOW the kids are fine. Why not let a professional give his opinion.

If you want to push a button, tell her you've got this, she can go stick her head back in the sand.

Yup, the one I took DDs to told me this also. DDs were handling it as expected. She gave me some examples of what to watch for in case things changed and became more extreme with them.

As crappy as our counselor was with many things, THIS she at least had right. It was a nice validation that I was doing the best that could be done.....

Fox

I dunno Guy..

I certainly wouldn't cancel the appointment.

My response would be something to the tune of:

So I suppose that means you won't be coming. Thank you for letting me know. As for my concerns about our childrens well being, I'll have to look again, however I'm quite sure I've mentioned to you on more than one occasion my numerous concerns about the impact of your infideltiy and subsequent abandonment of your family on the children. Just because you don't seem to be concerned, doesn't mean that I am not.





or to be more concise.

SCQ,

Sorry to hear you won't be joining us.

Guy

See, she if finally getting on board with MB principles including the POJA; "As long as we agree to always doing it my way, life is good."



That's funny, I thought you have frequently brought up your concern about young children growing up in broken homes and exposed to new adult partners of questionable moral values. You might have mentioned infidelity too. I can't remember.

I thought you had brought up all the proven uphill statistics the kids will face about drugs, alcohol, sex, abuse, poor relationship choices, grades, dropout statistics, college degrees and on and on.

She is scared a councilor will address the adultery in some way and it won't be her happy dream-like princess in the castle version.


The most oblivious line in the response and one of the most profoundly stupid things I have ever read here! If this is true, she is admitting to be an unfit parent.

She has no concerns about children of divorce? Her own children?

Today, right now, I wish I was your intermediary.

She’s not qualified to be a parent. She’s not qualified to be a wife. She is a qualified adulteress with all the responsibilities and benefits that go along with the title.

I am glad you are nearly done with her. In a few short months you will be wishing it had all happened quicker.



True words of wisdom from the swamp!

SCQ = :crosseyedcrazy:

I give you permission to ignore her message. You know what she needs, don't you? :twobyfour:

Ok, so I'm on lunch break and decided I'm gonna be breakin the law. I wanted to respond to your most recent entries.

First off, eventually, you will not invest much in whether or not your xWS 'gets' it or not. You will have moved on. It will then be up to them to learn from their mistakes, otherwise, they'll just keep repeating. Your job, as I see it, is to take care of your kids and yourself, insulating them, as best you can, from your xWS dumba$$ choices.

I, for one, could give two [censored] if the Z 'gets' it anymore. I just want to protect my son as best I can and move forward with my life. If the Z does eventually get it, hurray Hopefully he will then apply his new knowledge to having a better relationship with DS.

When I let go, this was part of it. I don't even have an illusion of control anymore, there is no veil over my eyes. I see the Z like he is; I'm not trying to force a square peg into a round hole. This is of great benefit to me in more areas of my life than one. I thank God that I'm in this place of healing and growth. It's not easy, but it's oh so worth it.

As for the counseling appointment, go forth and conquer. It's important TO YOU that you have a clearer answer outside of yourself as to how your children are doing, unbiased . It's your responsiblity to find out, at that point. Unless there is something LEGALLY that SCQ can do to bar this, I say move forward with it.

Lots of love for y'all who are reading. Take care.

p.s. oh, the job thing, yeah, I try not to focus on that too much these days. One day at a time, with a keen eye on what's happening around me. No sense in working myself up into a lather right now.

Pics pls..


Sorry... /tj

Thanks, everyone.

Update: the SCQ sent me a text message this morning asking me to confirm that I had cancelled the appointment. I was in a meeting, so I didn't reply. A few minutes ago, the counselor's office called me--the end result was them telling me that since I don't have sole custody of the children I can't take them to counseling without the SCQ's permission. And a couple minutes after that I got a TM from the SCQ telling me that she had contacted the doctor and told them I don't have her permission.

So no appointment.



Remember to breathe.

Here's what I sent her:

Oooooooooo.......nice. Is she brave enough to ask?


She was very afraid of this session.


Executed like a true loving mother.

So, in this case one parent can keep them from getting counseling but both parents have to agree in order for them to get counseling? Uh, am I dumb or does that sound ridiculous?

That's absolutely ridiculous. Check with your lawyer. This particular counselor may just be afraid of being asked to go to court.

It's kinda hard for SCQ to keep her children's head in the sand with her, isn't it?


Fox

They do live by the beach.

Maybe you could start calling OM "Ostrich F er"