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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 691
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OP
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 691 |
FF
thanks for your post.
The authors name is Scott Wetzler. Ive read the book and that is the book I asked H to read, the one that he appeared to enthusiastically agree to read and the one that has unleashed the torrent of little PA behaviors since he agreed to read it.
Most of what was written resonates deeply with me although my H is much more passive then aggressive. Even his anger is covert and disowned.
I guess MB isnt really possible with a PA spouse. You cant possibly follow POJA with someone who is only appearing to go along.
BS: Me, 43
FWH: 50
EA/PA with My Friend Jan-Apr 06
DDay: 4/29/06
NC: email 5/1/06
Recovering
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 691
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OP
Member
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 691 |
Cat
There is much truth in what you say about wanting things to stay status quo, about fighting to keep things the way he likes it. Some of that is true for me as well. Changing this is hard. Even if the change is leaving.
I think I understand the why of what he does. It follows that he is terrified of intimacy, of being close to someone and angry that he is dependent.
Pre A - I would have been on board as I am a "fixer" and would have worked to help him through his stuff.
Now, I just dont have it in me. Im feeling more focused on my own recovery.
BS: Me, 43
FWH: 50
EA/PA with My Friend Jan-Apr 06
DDay: 4/29/06
NC: email 5/1/06
Recovering
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539 |
Most of what was written resonates deeply with me although my H is much more passive then aggressive. Even his anger is covert and disowned Mine is also. In fact he is VERY passive to the point of being harmful. It is not an easy road, JK. Especially when PA's have affairs. They are masters at gaslighting as well.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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