Can you imagine her ranting and raving to her work buddies, “I can’t believe my idiot soon to be ex husband actually wants to bring the children to family counseling so that they can better understand and handle the divorce. What a total idiot! He even invited ME! What is he thinking?

Everyone knows that kids are better off living in a split custody situation missing one parent for half of their time and half of the holidays for the rest of their lives rather than staying in a marriage where the Mommy wants to get sweaty with other men. How can he not understand that?"

And the sad thing is, they probably all nodded in agreement to her.

Oh, this is excellent advice.

I know that people who allegedly understand the law do not always do so. When my x and I divorced, I knew his company was misinterpreting the law on COBRA insurance. So, I called the US DOL and got the regulation then called his employer back. It didn't matter to me what their attorneys said - I knew they were wrong. And this large employer had to change their policies all because some woman told them which portion of the law they were not following.

Find out if this is actually right.

It may depend on how your decree is written and who is the parent providing the insurance, also.

Just when you think she's stooped as low as she can go, she surprises ya!

The whole situation is absurd. It's pretty clear to me that the only reason the doctor's office brought up the permission thing is because the SCQ called ahead and "told on me." Otherwise, they wouldn't have asked the question. But since the SCQ did, what would you do if you were the doctor's office? I would back away, too. They told me it was their policy, and it makes sense to me.

So . . . I can certainly pick out another counselor and not tell the SCQ ahead of time. She can't possibly tell all of them not to see me.

She could drag me back to Family Court Services (her standard threat), but what's she going to tell them? It would come across like Chrisner said. Our case worker is a former family therapist. I don't really fear that.

Some part of her reaction is because I told her at the last minute. I don't think the reaction would have been any different, to be honest.

But I went with the "de-escalation" response in the hopes that maybe she will be reasonable. It's worth a shot, and a better strategy than immediately going nuclear, I think.

Going to go get the kids.

This is EXACTLY what I would do. She IS terrified that a professional peering into her children's lives might see... gasp! :MrEEk:.... some turmoil... and blame it on her! :MrEEk: :MrEEk: gasp! gasp!...

Nothing like getting her damage to her children on the record for future reference.

Man oh man, I do not like this woman.

I honestly don't know how you keep that Plan FU from spewing like a Mentos in a carbonated beverage.

She will NEVER get it. NEVER.

The one thing that I hang onto is that WH once told me "I did you wrong." Told me about 6 weeks after Dday. Didn't stop the A, but at least it was an admission of sorts.

SDGuy

I fully expected SCQ to derail the counseling.

I wouldn't budge too much on this, Guy. I would keep coming at her with YOUR concerns about the kids. All I hear from her is that if she don't want it, you ain't doin it. She's controlling this whole sitch, threatening you left and right with what amounts to extortion.

Man, I wanna throttle that biotch. Uncaring as all get out. Cruel. Doesn't give two [censored] about the effect the separation and divorce has on the kids. If you look up DIVORCE AND CHILDREN on any search engine, you'll be riddled with reports about the negative long term affects, and also information on how to help your children cope. What a BIOTCH!!!

OK, rant over...

I'm utterly amazed that your love bank hasn't spontaneously combusted at this point.

Mr. Smiley

We Cubs fans can't help ourselves.

The problem-solver in me switched pretty quickly into pragmatic mode, hence the calm response to the SCQ. I'm giving her the opportunity to back down from her position.

If she continues to resist, the nuclear option is available (take them without telling her in advance). Or I can tell her something like

"If you refuse to consent to counseling for the kids, I will ask for a hearing at Family Court Services. I will use these as justification to build my case" and then I can make a list of the SCQ's gross behaviors as long as I feel like.

I think she does care, she is just desperately clinging to her belief that everything is fine. And if something is wrong, it's my fault. "You're the one who is filling their heads with this stuff about divorce. If you just said nothing, things would be fine." I'm SURE this is what she thinks.

Get this--while I was there to pick up my kids from school, I got a call from my lawyer. When the doctor wouldn't give her any information (i.e., wouldn't confirm that the appointment was cancelled), she called her lawyer, who called my lawyer. Sheesh.

So sad. She is expending TONS of effort trying to avoid the truth. I wouldn't make this the hill to die on. You are a great dad, and your kids will thrive. Take your time and wait.

Thanks, B. Healthy perspective, as usual.

We got to go FTF just a little bit ago. It's a split-squad weekend, which means we each have one kid, so she came to pick up DS8. She had told me via TM that she was going to drop off some papers to sign (getting financial accounts sorted out), so she got out of the car and came up to me to give me the papers and tell me what needed to be done.

As if I wanted any part of talking to her right now. My whole body language said "I don't want anything to do with you" but she acted like nothing had happened. She wasn't doing it in a superior way, like "nyah nyah you have to talk to me." Just as if we had not had the exchange today.

It makes me wonder whether she's most pissed off that I won't talk with her about the kids. She might just be mad I haven't shared my concerns with her. Of course, she doesn't REALLY want to hear what I have to say, but she doesn't know that, either.

It's frustrating that she's making these terrible parental decisions, but there's no one I can appeal to. Short of Family Court Services. I could bottle all this stuff up and tell her parents, I suppose, but I don't imagine that would do any good.

Thanks again to everyone for the support (PM, Chrisner, SL, Foxy, Bugs, BC, James, LD, CW, Cinders, CL). Hope you are all having great weekends!

sad,
this is the first time i have posted to you. I that been divorced from xw for 10 years this month. I have three boys 26,22,18. I wish I would have taken my boys to a counselor long ago. my s22 moved away to get away from has mother 1 1/2 years ago. s18 is dealing with anger issues. There mother is in her 4rd affair and 3rd husband sense i divorced her in ten years ago. My boys are having a tough time of this. S22 said to me " I wish I had a Normal Mom". My s18 tries to stay away from his mom as much as he can. Son 26 is in the Army and just stays away from her. My S18 and S22 has been effected the most. I did the best with boys that i could. This site has shown me alot i could have done.

Your a good dad. SCQ cares about herself she sound like my X more afraid that she will have to change and she is not perfect.

Keep up the good work

AF

What's FTF? I'm sure after you tell me I will smack myself on the forehead, but I just can't get it now....

Sorry. Face to face.

Duh!! (smacking forehead!)

I knew it was obvious but I just couldn't see it for some reason....

Hi SD,


I hope SCQ reconsiders...

Your patience is unparallelled, and a measure of how much you care for your kids and family!

SD

Thanks for posting here, Audioflyer. I appreciate your perspective. Sorry to hear that things didn't work out very well for your kids.

I had a good day with DD5 yesterday. Soccer game, bike ride, playing around the house. When the SCQ dropped off DS8, DD5 cried and told me she didn't want to go. I think part of it was because she was tired, but still.

Waywards suck.

SD Guy,

I just recently discovered thread and your candor and humor is giving me the courage to go into a very, very dark plan B. It's funny, the pettyness and crazieness you've experienced is exactly what I'm seeing with my WW.

ShockedBetrayed

Hey SD Guy,

I was just reading your thread. For some reason I must keep missing your updates. I feel like I haven't seen any for a while... Must just be me...

Anyway, I just thought I would say Hi and I hope you're doing well.

Take it easy and keep your chin up.

Amazin.