Like I said ... YOU'LL know when YOU'RE ready.

Just keep this in mind when these thoughts ...


... creep into your head. "SHE" made the 1st move, so obviously she doesn't share your opinion of yourself. You need to realize that you just cracked the top 10 "Most Available" in your hometown.

It's a curse , but I'm sure you will adjust.

It takes a year to grieve the loss of the marriage.

This time is needed to go through withdrawal for the X.
You can not have a new healthy relationship until all of the baggage has been taken care of.

Children are not ready to see a parent date to soon.

Is known that attempts for recovery can happen after a divorce.
Dating only a short time out will cause many roadblocks in an attempt along those lines.

If I had more time and smarts I could make more points.

Road,

I don't feel ready now. I would like to just have meaningless sex but I don't think I'm ready for that either.

How about five finger Mary?

Or group action, Rosie Palm and her five sisters?

If I was single, with all of the diseases out there I wouldn't want ONS's. And, I find the idea of a FB unsettling. Though I never had the offer, I must admit.

Road,

That always works but it's not the same. Yeah, STD's scare me too.

6YEARS,

I think you should take both Road's and MyRev's advice. There is no set time as far as I know, BUT you do need to heal, you do need to get your feet on the ground, and you need to learn the ground rules for the "new" world.

I say do some light dating. I say pay close attention to how you feel, and what ideas and pictures pop into your head. BUT, you would be doing a very big disservice to a woman to become deeply involved until you have addressed the damage from this marriage and the newness of being single.

Plus you have children to take care of, so that would add some other issues to be addressed if you became serious with some woman.

So as you can see, I agree with both Road and MyRev. Heal, but get some experience under your belt before you "fully" engage a woman.

God Bless,

JL

JL,

I'm working on the kids stuff and they are my primary responsibility. I was just kind of thrown by the offer of "benefits" for no strings. I had assumed that I would have sex again when I was ready for a serious relationship and not before. I didn't really know that you can come right out and say I'm not interested in getting to know you or a relationship but sex would be good. Kind of makes me a little concerned about what Sam is up to at college.

lol, boy, don't I know it. My daughter is a high school senior who's been waiting for SF until after she graduates. But this year...well, she and her two best friends are over at one's house right now pouring through the new Cosmo magazine.

Catperson,

I'm not kidding myself that Sam is a virgin at 21, heck we already had him when I was that age. I just don't want him to catch anything or get so hardened against real relationships.

On my side, I'm getting weaker in my resistance to the gal at the gym. She is very cute and persistent. I almost went back to her place for a shower on sunday after my workout. I'm feeling that I am d*mned either way. I know I am not at all ready for a relationship but she doesn't even want that. I'm pretty sure I would have an hour or two of fun and then kick myself after.

Here is a brief update and a question,

I'm heading up to college sunday night for Sam's 21'st birthday celebration. His room mate has a big night planned, involving much alcohol I suppose. Sam asked me to come along because he is missing dad. I'm have not taken my anti-D welbutrin for a couple of days but I am wondering how long off before I can drink alcohol?

Also any other dads have good suggestions for a birthday present?

I shouldn't admit this, but I take wellbutrin, and I've been drinking wine the whole time. The medicine still works.

I'm not a guy, but I think, given everything, that he may be looking forward to the future a little more than usual, as an adult. What about something that can help him get started once he's out of college? Like a bond or whatever the proper term is, a monetary fund, that you set up for him to start his career, whatever that is. It shows how much faith you have in him, and how much you want to be part of his future.

Catperson,

I guess I should be fine then, I didn't know you like to live on the edge. I was thinking of giving him a nice chunk of money toward medical school. Maybe also a nice bottle of tequila ( can't always be responsible.

6Years,

Take the young man out for a good steak dinner, and take his best friend/roommate/whatever. Never met a 21 year old boy that didn't like a free meal. My bet that since he is in college it is fast food, and TV dinners. It also gives you a chance to buy him a drink if he does such things :RollieEyes:

Taking his friend as well, makes conversation easier and makes things a bit more festive. Ya know what I mean.


God Bless,

JL

I drank while taking Zyban (welbutrin) and never had any problem. I agree with the dinner and drink idea. Dinner because I've never met a 21 year old that can't eat like a horse and a drink because he's 21 and better to do so with you as a role model on how to drink responsibly than the many alternatives that are available on a college campus.

JL, Tabby;

I had a great weekend with Sam for his birthday. We did the dinner, some drinking thing and I told him I would pay for half of medical school if he kept his grades up. It was more emotional than I thought and we really seem to have bonded again. We did not discuss xW (his mom) at all but that did not seem strange.

The rest of the family is getting into the routine with no xW around and we are doing pretty well.

I'm feeling guilty because I had sex with the cute girl from the gym. She is unattached and said it was just friends with benefits but I'm feeling like a cad since I didn't even buy her dinner or have a date or anything. It went pretty well and today at the gym she said hi and let me know that anytime I want it to just give her a call. The other guys say she is very very picky and not a slut, but I don't know. I'm confused about how all this works and I think I am the vulnerable one right now.

what kind of girl walks up to someone in a gym and tells them she is open to sex with no strings??

who would want to be with someone like that??

absolutely amazing! :RollieEyes:

Alluring,

She seems nice, she is young and we have been acquaintances for about a year. I probably made a mistake but I was feeling lonely and missing sex. She said she is not having sex with anyone else right now but is not looking for a relationship. I does seem horrible but I'm not able to do a relationship right now.

I go without before just having random sex like that. You have kids to consider....just because she SAYS she isn't sleeping with anyone else right now....doesn't mean she isn't a walking disease factory. I sure hope you used protection.

For me it's more of a character thing than anything else.

Alluring,

I don't have any issue with sex for fun. I do think that my D is so fresh that I should take some more time to myself to process it all. I also really really hate lying and liars so it would really tick me off, if I found out she lied to me.

I don't know, if two adults want to get some fun and relief and they're lonely...you seem to be a pretty good judge of character, so I'd trust you to know if she was...off. Wouldn't make it a habit, though.