Here's something I've changed...

My daughter would ask me for something... like to use the computer... I would say "OK but you have to do your chore"... She would use the computer... then re-neg and not do her chore... Or she would NOT do her chore first and I would still let her use the computer. (Big mistake on my part and I do it all the time.)

So because of this... I've created a little monster.

Today she called and asked me to take her to the youth group at church. I told her she needed to do her chore before I got home. (Clean the Kitchen, wash dishes, take out the trash, put the clean dishes away, etc...) So when I get home she had taken the trash out and done nothing else. I asked her if she had done the dishes and of course she huffs and puffs about how there weren't that many. So I told her "I'm not taking you to the youth group if you don't do your chore." So 10 minutes before she wants me to take her she starts rinsing the dishes in the sink without filling the sink up with water or puting the clean dishes that were already done away. I told her she needs to fill the sink up and put the clean dishes away. She throws a fit about me complaining how she's doing her chore and stomps off..

So I stay calm cool and collected... go get my grocery list and go to the store... get back about 30 minutes later, put the groceries away and do the dishes. She didn't go to youth group and I didn't get mad and stressed because she threw a fit. I just set a boundary and stuck too it... She knew that if she didn't do her chore she wouldn't go to youth group. Her actions and her decisions dictated weather or not I would give her a ride.

PERFECT! (although I wouldn't have done the dishes - they would have been waiting for her)

That sounds EXACTLY like my house, BTW.

It feels like the big bad wolf is always outside the door with all the huffin' and puffin' going on.

And don't forget the :RollieEyes: eye rolls.

It's teenage stuff. You're not alone.

Change your reaction to the outbursts and maybe the outbursts will change. No promises, though....they're wily little creatures.

Fox

Thanks WH74...

One of her friends wanted to come over and her mother wanted to make sure that it was all right. I snickered because we are both on the same page and want to know what's going on in our kids lives...

Just Currious...

For those of you in Plan B...

What was the longest amount of time that went by without hearing from your wayward Spouse?

I gave my WW the plan B letter on May 17th and haven't heard from her since.

There's been no communication at all...

The separation is getting old and I'm getting lonely... I keep getting these urges to contact her... but I haven't yet...

My ex went 4 months with NC, jand then just before Christmas, he called me at work announcing that he was moving back home.

Two questions:

Did you let him come back?

and.... What's "jand" ???

I figure it must be a typo... But I thought I'd ask just in case...

No, I didn't let him back, and jand is and. I was at work and checked in here, and everyone told me to keep him out until there was NC with OW. He thought he could move back in and still have her.

OK Believer...

The closest I've gotten to talking to my WW ... I've passed her on the road a couple of times...

She's made absolutly no attempt to contact me...And I've made no attempt to contact her...

Is there anyone else who has gone longer than 4 months?

The last several weeks have been kind of strange....

First, My WW contacts me after 4 months of silence.

Then my WW's sister calls ... I believe, to check up on me for my WW.

Now... WW's OM #1 has contacted me... He came by my house on Thursday before I came home. My son answered the door. He left his number so I called.

From listening to him and reading between the lines here's the deal...

He feels guilty and is sorry that he's done this to me. (He's looking for forgiveness but I'm not there yet) He goes to my church and says he's a Christian. I asked if he would be willing to take a deposition and make a statement if I end up getting divorced and he said yes.

I'm thinking I'm going to call him back in a day or two and tell him that if he's sincere about being sorry for what he’s done then a small token of that sincerity would be for him to write a statement with details about his affair with my wife, have it notarized and send it to me.

What do ya’ll think?


Amazin.

Wow. That hardly ever happens. I would ask him to sign a statement.

Have you heard from your wife?

Hi Believer!

I haven't heard from my wife since she emailed me and called me about 3 weeks ago. However, someone tried to call me yesterday and it said "Blocked I.D." Who know's... maybe it was her.

I'm in a state that sill has fault divorce laws on the books. If he'll make a noterized statement, then later if he's willing to take a deposition.... It may really turn things in my favor if I end up getting a divorce...

I don't really want to get a divorce... but I don't like having my a$$ hanging in the breeze either. I want to protect myself as much as possible. It would be real nice knowing that I have an ace in the hole.

Amazin.

Well, I'm no lawyer but I do know his letter would be thrown out as inadmissible evidence. He must be available for cross examination before his testimony is admissible.

Sound's to me like he may be willing to give his deposition. I would ask.

BTW, I so love your name. Makes me want to sing the hymn evertime I see you post. Saying a prayer for you as I type.

I'm no lawyer either.... and I'm not sure if you're statement is accurate. My ex wife wrote a statement to the judge saying she wanted me to have custody of our children so that her mother wouldn't get custody... she didn't have to be cross examined...

I would get it in writing first, and then ask him if he would be willing to go to court.

I doubt your case will end up in court, most don't, and it would be nice to have the adultery in writing.

Are you going out and having fun?

Well this weekend two of my sisters drove 16 hours to visit. They got here on Friday morning and they're leaving on Monday evening.

Pretty cool huh... I have a good family. I was really feeling homesick and lonely and they just decided to come out for a visit.

My sisters left a week ago. I'm on vacation this week and I'm still homesick and lonely.

I think I'll try and do something fun for me this week. Maybe just relax and go fishing. There are a few home improvement things I could be doing this week. But I'm not feeling too motivated.

Well I'm back at work and it stinks. But being alone at home stunk too.

There are days when I feel so defeated. I feel like I'm stuck in a rut that I can't get out of. Does this ever go away? I'm so tired of being in limbo and not knowing what is going to happen that I think I'm on the verge of a nervous break-down.

One of the chritian girls at work said that at some time I have to let it go. And she's right. I'm trying but it's hard.

This sucks.

If I knew the answers, I would pass them along. As you have read, I'm still searching for them myself.

I think one thing that helps is being able to fill the empty time with something that occupies your mind. It fills up some of the time, and time is the best healer of all. Better if what you choose to fill the time with is something you enjoy.

What kinds of things do you have going? What are you doing to take care of yourself?

Well lately not that much. But Earlier this summer I think I had too many Irons in the fire. Physical fitness/Gym 3-5 times a week, Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University once a week, Mens Group at church on Wednesdays, Individual counseling, Chief Petty Officer's Initiation.... etc...

I kinda felt burnt out by September so I've scaled back.

Believer keeps pushing me to do something fun just for me. Every now and then I'll go fishing but that can get old. I need to find something that will keep my mind occupied that's fun at the same time.

Amazin,

Hey, no nervous breakdowns allowed....remember???.....



I am not surprised that you were feeling burnt out and it was probably good for you take that break, but it is obviously time to get back into the swing of things....

How about some martial arts classes???

Kickboxing???

Look at your local Adult education classes and see if there is something you would be interested in....woodworking, computer classes, heck check out the basket-weaving class (ok maybe not...too much "temptation"....but keep it in mind for later use... ;)). Learn more about something that has always peaked your interest......

Stay strong....oh, the "let it go" speech... :RollieEyes:

You have been morally wounded...it will take time to heal, no matter which way your story ends. Give yourself a break.....

not2fun