Thanks for stopping by, guys. I go through periods where reading here just triggers me, and so I'll go for a while without posting. What usually happens is I go too long and have stuff stuck in my head. I don't keep a journal, so this place is a good way to get all the stuff that runs around in circles in your head out of your head. I post it out.

Good day with DS8 today. In the baseball game he got his first hit of the season, which was great. He's a good pitcher but hasn't had too much confidence with the bat, so this was exciting for both of us.

During a conversation in the car, DS8 told me that the SCQ was okay with counseling, but it was just too sudden. I'll give it a few days and reapproach.

Lots of anger toward the SCQ these days.

Yeah, sometimes we women (and you men) are not totally opposed to things but, because of the timing or means of presentation, we fight against them until we have a chance to think about it and prepare to deal with it.

I think it really frosts the SCQ that I don't talk to her about the kids, and subconsciously this is probably a way to get me to interact with her more. She won't like it if I do, of course, but she doesn't know that.

And she didn't like the last minute thing. Unfortunately, that's part of who I am. I am a last minute person who will do things spontaneously, and making sure that I have communicated with everyone is not one of my strengths. Usually, it's because I spend too much time in my own head and it hasn't occurred to me yet to tell someone else. In this case, and my co-worker called me on it, ("You were afraid this would happen, which is why you didn't want to tell her. You hoped it wouldn't, but you knew this would happen.") the potential results of communicating were mostly bad, so I put it off.

Lots of anger lurking today. It's right there all the time. I dropped off DS8 at school this morning and stood for a minute or two watching the parents and kids, and as I walked away I thought to myself "How can I be normal when I have all this anger gnawing at me?"

It's like the proverbial elephant in the room, except this one is riding on my shoulders. I really wish I could get rid of that elephant, but I can't seem to let go of what I want for my kids.

Here's one. The other night the kids and I were just chatting about stuff as I put away the dishes, and somehow the topic turned to referring to someone as "Whatever-your-name-is." This is something the SCQ does (lots of mothers do this)--cycle through the names when you don't pick out the right one. I said "Your mom does that, doesn't she?" and they laughed and said yes, and rattled off the list, including both cat's names.

Then DS8 said "Once she called DD5 [POSOM's daughter's name]." On the scale between Completely Oblivious and Totally Understood the Magnitude of This, DS8's level of seriousness when he said it was about a five.



This would be high on my list of reasons why family therapy is a good idea. This kind of thing makes the elephant heavier.

I hope the week improves, but shortly we have a teleconference with a corporate vice-president, and I don't think the news is going to be good.

Yipes, sdguy, that's alot to deal with. Those darn elephants are heavy.

Make sure you .

Corporate vice-president, huh? Good luck.......

Fox

Hi SD,


I don't want to be a downer, SD...but yeah...I know the feeling...and I try and pull out all the 'tricks' I learned so far out of the hat... but SOMETIMES...nothing seems to work! :RollieEyes:

Hope your corporate call went well....

The corporate news was predictable. They are exiting one of the research areas that my site worked on. Ultimately, it will probably mean that they will need fewer people here (i.e., layoffs), but they don't know exactly what it means today. It will be months before we know for sure, so all they've done is ratcheted up everyone's state of anxiety, but then they will act surprised when employees are "not engaged."

The state of morale here is just about toxic, but I like what I do and the people I work with. The uncertainty won't help my overall health any, but compared to the elephant, the work stress feels more like an armadillo. Maybe a wildebeest.

Hope your job works out okay. Remember, the government is always looking for workers in the sciences. Check out the opm.gov site and Navy jobs site.

And a nice vicious exchange from the SCQ via TM to end a perfect day.

Do we have an emoticon for Letting It Go? Other than this one, of course

Because that's what I need to do. Let it Go. (Puking comes later.)

I had a really fun yoga class. Chatted with the women in the class. It could have been flirting. Or I could have made it flirting without much effort. But I was in a good mood before class started. I can't really imagine why.

Now I just need to shake the bad taste from the SCQ contact without losing any sleep over it. And maybe eat some food.

Waywards suck.

Yup.



So how much more LBing will you be able to take before the does?

Hey SD!

Hope you had a meal and some decent rest last night.


This happens to me sometimes,,,,and I just ask myself, "Why not?" It seems to come from somewhere, I don't know where, but the good mood CAN and DOES strike. Just roll with it and try to keep it going. It's not like we don't deserve it, especially in the middle of the wayward [censored] storms.


I understand,,,but have found to be optional at pretty much any given moment in this sitch,,,,YUCK! But true.

Don't let the corporate types get you down. I have never understood the "let's keep the troops 'informed'" plan that really turns into "let's keep everyone dancing on a razor's edge". Sometimes I think they truly believe they are doing the 'right' thing. They forget what it's like to be told that stuff while working 'in the trenches'. Just keep doing a great job. It's kind of like dealing with waywards - - keep focused on what YOU can control.

The only real piece of advice I have for you about recent events is that you knew what was going to happen by waiting to the last minute to tell SCQ about the counseling. Don't let that happen again. I understand knowing that no matter how or when you tell the wayward somethig like this, you are going to get backlash,,,,,so the idea of putting it off takes a life of it's own if we let it. Yet we both know it doesn't change the fact that the backlash happens,,,,and we have then also given them a bit of ammo with the last minute notification. Not worth it. Better to face it head on and get it over with.

Ok,,,,I'll step off the soap box.

Sorry for the double whammy of waywards & work. Despite the feelings you may have to the contrary, it sounds like you are handling it with class & dignity.

Glad you are still going to class,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,and even better that you spent some time chatting with the ladies. A bit of an ego boost is just the ticket!

Beware of your anger. It comes and comes hard and you want to spew venom at the wayward that destroyed your life and that of your children.

Be careful because it will eat at you and explode at bad moments.

I've been there. I know.

You will get past it, but the anger phaze is ugly and causes many sleepless nights (and disturbing thoughts).

Talk about this stuff with your therapist. It's normal.

Also beware of taking out that anger on your kids by being snappy with them or having a short fuse.

Find an outlet for that anger. Go beat up a punching bag. Take boxing lessons. Join an MMA gym.

Do the yoga.

And stay away from women for now. Flirting is fun, but you don't need a woman right now. It's very tempting, but you're not ready. Give yourself a year before dating again.

Hi SD,

...trust your gut feeling...if anger is pushing it's way UP... take the time to figure out, not how to HOLD IT OFF, but how you can best diffuse it... with some of the NEW tools in your toolbox

so that SCQ, the kids or anyone else you care about will not be at the receiving end ... for YOUR SAKE!

We got that last week.

“Don’t worry everyone! Our cash flow is good and we do not foresee any impending layo....ummmm....downsizing.....ummmmm... No wait! Rightsizing! That’s it! No rightsizing! HuZah!!!!! Now back to work! Work harder! Oh yeah, and with less and stuff! Be smarter! But don’t worry! Muda! Mura! Muri! BONSAI!!! ! BONSAI!!! BONSAI!!!”

Roughly translated, applying my 28 years of corporate experience, “Layoffs by Christmas.”


Gargle bourbon.

We were told during our resistance training:

"Work harder! Work faster! Or you will be beaten!"

There was also the very well known:

"The beatings will continue until morale improves!"

Office Space also comes to mind.

So is Friday Hawaiian Shirt Day?

Thanks to all. Thanks especially to Bugs for politely reminding me that surprising the SCQ with all this at the last minute was bound to cause trouble. I knew that, of course, but it's nice to have friends who aren't afraid to lecture you if you need it.

Seems like a good day so far. I've been in a good mood in spite of the SCQ contact last night, and I'm trying to milk it for all it's worth.

Here's what the SCQ said via email about counseling:

If you have concerns that you feel warrant the children seeing a psycologist then you will need to be specific about those concerns. I do not see it.

Yes what they are going through is significant but that does not necessarily need a mental health professional. Just because you feel it is helpful to you doesn't mean that it is helpful to them. If you need more ways to help them then maybe you seeing a child psycologist (which Dr. Counselor is not) to get additional assistance might be useful.

I am not necessarily opposed to counseling. I am opposed to you deciding it is necessary for the children without even discussing it with me which is why I stopped it.

I'm mulling over response strategies while trying to prevent it from ruining my day.

She is unfit. She can see it, she refuses to. Acknowledging that divorce hurts children is admitting her own vast selfishness. It won't happen.

Oh, I get it! Your the one who needs help not the kids.


Here is the scary details that Mel usually provides.


An Exploration of the Ramifications of Divorce on Children and Adolescents -The Pennsylvania State University College of Medicine LINK

• Divorce is an intensely stressful experience for all children, regardless of age or developmental level; many children are inadequately prepared for the impending divorce by their parents. A study in 1980 found that less than 10% of children had support from adults other than relatives during the acute phase of the divorce.

• The pain experienced by children at the beginning of a divorce is composed of: a sense of vulnerability as the family disintegrates, a grief reaction to the loss of the intact family (many children do not realize their parents’ marriage is troubled), loss of the non-custodial parent, a feeling of intense anger as the disruption of the family, and strong feelings of powerlessness.

• Unlike bereavement or other stressful events, it is almost unique to divorcing families that as children experience the onset of this life change, usual and customary support systems tend to dissolve, though the ignorance or unwillingness of adults to actively seek out this support for children.

• Early latency (ages 6½-8): These children will often openly grieve for the departed parent. There is a noted preoccupation with fantasies that distinguishes the reactions of this age group. Children have replacement fantasies, or fantasies that their parents will happily reunite in the not-so-distant future. Children in this developmental stage have an especially difficult time with the concept of the permanence of the divorce.

• Late latency (ages 8-11): Anger and a feeling of powerlessness are the predominate emotional response in this age group. Like the other developmental stages, these children experience a grief reaction to the loss of their previously intact family. There is a greater tendency to label a ‘good’ parent and a ‘bad’ parent and these children are very susceptible to attempting to take care of a parent at the expense of their own needs.

• Adolescence (ages 12-18): Adolescents are prone to responding to their parent’s divorce with acute depression, suicidal ideation, and sometimes violent acting out episodes. These children tend to focus on the moral issues surrounding divorce and will often judge their parents’ decisions and actions. Many adolescents become anxious and fearful about their own future love and marital relationships. However, this age group has the capability to perceive integrity in the post-divorce relationship of their parents and to show compassion for their parents without neglecting their own needs.

Conclusions
• Divorce and its ensuing ramifications can have a significant and life-altering impact on the well being and subsequent development of children and adolescents.

• The consequences of divorce impact almost all aspects of a child’s life, including the parent-child relationship, emotions and behavior, psychological development, and coping skills.

• There is a significant need for child mental health professionals, along with other child specialists, to be cognizant of the broad spectrum of possible fall-out from a divorce and then to provide sufficient support for children of divorced parents in all the necessary psychosocial aspects of the child’s life.

Abuse Risk Seen Worse As Families Change LINK

- Children living in households with unrelated adults are nearly 50 times as likely to die of inflicted injuries as children living with two biological
parents, according to a study of Missouri abuse reports published in the journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics in 2005.


- Children living in stepfamilies or with single parents are at higher risk of physical or sexual assault than children living with two biological or adoptive parents, according to several studies co-authored by David Finkelhor, director of the University of New Hampshire's Crimes Against Children Research Center.

- Girls whose parents divorce are at significantly higher risk of sexual assault, whether they live with their mother or their father, according to research by Robin Wilson, a family law professor at Washington and Lee University. . . .

- The previous version of the study, released in 1996, concluded that children of single parents had a 77 percent greater risk of being harmed by physical abuse than children living with both parents. But the new version will delve much deeper into the specifics of family structure and cohabitation, according to project director Andrea Sedlak.

Huh, what about YOU being opposed to the actions she has taken that effect your children without any say from you?

How about: I am opposed to you deciding to destroy our family unit. Until we discuss this and are in agreement, I demand you stop it.



Yeah, I know, not at all helpful. They are just so STOOPID!!!


Fox

And the above is your response to her email.

Yipes, PM, your are EXACTLY right.


Fox

Yes, amigo, that was perfect.

Coincidentally, I just got the call from my lawyer. The judgment was recorded last week. I'm in the Plan D club!