CL,

I caught your thread asking for the link to 31 Reasons....

Did you pick up on the author's suggestion that it was best for a BS NOT to read it?

I did... sometimes....my curiosity gets the better of me urgghhh

How about you?

Luna,

Oh yes, I read it. I thought that it was OK to read. In a way, it gave me a little comfort. You know, just one more reinforcement that A's don't work out.

I wanted it for a friend who thinks her H is having an EA or is at least on the edge of one. I want to arm her with any and all info that I can. I'm also going to direct her to this site.

Hi CL,


....guess it's just a bit double-edged sword...

....I do struggle with the LETTING GO and yet not giving up HOPE completely! ...I know it's possible to do it...I do FEAR that, for me, one does equal the other :RollieEyes:... particularly if Plan D goes through.... and how eventually, IF ever WS wakes up, a BS's unwillingliness (or unavailability) to risk M recovery will be what makes the difference...

Oh yesss....providing info. and advice to help empower others with a situation that often makes one feel powerless is the least we can do...n'est-ce pas?

I now have signed copies of both Mason-Dixon Knitting books.

Very cool Cinder.

We're having Lucy Neatby in November. Do you do socks? If so, you should come.....

I have never done socks....


Oh, some women I met, Jamie and Amy, who were knitting while waiting for the presentation, told me I should get in my white car and head out to your shop. This morning, they went to my two LYSs.

Well c'mon down (or up).

I may just have to do that....let me get a couple of life issues under control, first. LYS run to a far city....hmmmmmmmm......


but if they knew the reason was a SEX run, we might get kicked off here ----- but we're just two needle users.....




BTW, the Mason-Dixon project that most intrigued me was the knitted curtain....I must have a BAD case of it!

Where are your priorities girl!!!! SEX trips should be at the very top of the list. THEY are what give you life. THEY are what help you deal with life issues....

Yeah, all those cheap yarn bundles to make booties for the NICU when I had something I knew I was medicating.

Sorry Cinder. I draw the line at knitted curtains. That's a bit over the top for me. I'll stick with sweaters and afghans.

I just frogged 2 inches of a baby sweatier.....125 stitches per row of a nubby yarn and I nearly went crazy getting it all right. But it's right.....

The M-DK curtain, 20"x18" requires 540 yards Euroflax Origalns sportweight and size 5 needles. I don't think that I could do it for my den........it would take WAY to many years.

If you want that curtain, it won't take long. Really. It's about 2 skeins of Euroflax. It's a snap...

I just got home from a wedding. I really had a great time with so many of my friends - friends who have all been there for me, supported me and helped me through the last year.

You know, I didn't cry at all. Thought I would, but didn't.

I was a little sad because I was in the middle of what seemed to be a thousand couples, but I was OK.

Sometimes now when I think of WH, it seems like he is someone I knew in the past. I don't seem to miss him like I used to.

Maybe this is finally recovery? For me at least.....

I know that everyday I'm much closer....

Hi Chai,

I'm glad it wasn't so bad for you. I love you girl, you are doing great.

I think alot of us are finally accepting and maybe moving on in our own way. I'm starting to start thinking I don't want to wait anymore. I don't know what's going on, but I sure know that he doesn't care about me today.

And life is so short, why should I wait for him?

Smartie told me that you two might be out here for New year's...I would so love that.

Q,

I think it just takes time. Time to accept the reality that was forced upon us. We're both going to get there....

Yes, I told Smartie I would come with her if I can swing the ticket. I think we would have a great time. If you are up for it, I will do my best to get there since I've always wanted to visit that city.

Let's talk soon....

Glad you made it through the wedding. I've had many, many reactions to them. Good and bad. I finally had an experience where I cried because it was so beautiful in the hope and dream aspect - didn't really bring up any of my stuff. It was wonderful to experience that.

As for that knitted curtain, I have 2 largish windows and 2 small ones in my den. I don't think I want to even attempt knitting those curtains. Would be as unrealistic as to think I might knit a 5'x7' rug

Hi CL,

Thanks for the supportive posts to me and others, CL.

...and how are you doing these days?

Hi Luna,

Thanks for checking in. You are quite welcome for any support that I can lend. I'm not so good on advice. I mean, look at my sitch. Woo-wee, it's a mess.

I could use some help tonight though. On a couple of fronts..

Had lunch with my cousin today. He went through this about 25 years ago. I learned today that his xW left him because she was involved with their daughter's older BF. Wow, the family didn't know that. Everyone thought he left her. He shared a lot about D and being in this sitch. He also keeps telling me about his friend who is perfect for me. Yeah, yeah. Everyone always wants to fix you up, don't they? Anyway, he told me to sit down with WH and reach agreement for a disolution. The atty fees are eating me up, and so far, I'm absolutely no where. Nothing agreed to and nothing whatsoever signed. It seems to make so much sense because I'm having a hard time with atty payments. So what do you all think? Plan B has helped me with recovery, but honestly, I'm at a point where I need to get out of this limbo state, and I've given up all hope and almost all desire to recover. Given that, does contact make sense?

Secondly, I spoke with Dd today. She lives with some old guy in filth. Any money she manages to get (selling pills or food stamps) she uses on a hotel so she can spend the night with the jailbird, crackhead BF. Then she gives him any extra for crack. She still has no place to live permanently because she says she has no way to get to the housing office. Says she has pains but no way to get to the hospital. In the past, she has used the emergency room as a vehicle to get pain meds. I can't tell you how many all nighters I've spent in the emergency room before I got wise to it. It ALWAYS happens at 10:00pm. I'm am way too embarrassed to ever show my face again in that hospital. I would bet that she has run up well over 6 figures in bills over the last 4 years from going to emergency rooms.

So here is the dilemma. I am feeling so guilty about her tonight. She is 6 months pregnant with a baby likely addicted to something, has no real place to live, basically has no family because of the addiction, and she just can't even function enough to get to the housing office to get public housing. I feel like we threw her away, but I know that there is nothing I can do for this addiction.

I told her that I would not drive 40 miles to sit in the emergency room all night unless it was a real emergency. I also told her that she manages somehow to get everywhere else she needs to go when she wants drugs, so she can get to the housing office if she wants to. She also always has cell phone minutes. My feeling is that she is smart enough to run her own drug business, so she should be smart enough to get the things she needs. Heck, I'm the dumb one. I work. So, was I too harsh there?

I guess I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. I'm so angry because I feel like if WH were here, together we could help her. So many times I feel like I should go get her and let her live with me, but living with her is h3ll, and I can't deal with her by myself. Many of you have lived with a rebellious teenager, and that is exactly what it is like except you have zero control. She is disrespectful, does not adhere to house rules, lives for chaos (conflict, fighting etc), lives in a mess, has addict hours (sleep all day, up all night), and can be violent at times. I'm just too old to live with that. And I just can't afford to have drug dealing going on in my house, or having someone OD in it. So far since August, three people that she hangs with have died due to OD.

So what do I need help with? I want to write to WH and ask if he can somehow work with me to help her. I don't have a clue how because she is 26, but I just feel like I need to do something, and he is her Dad. I'm just not sure if it would help or not. Any feedback welcome.

Thanks for reading and helping if you can. It is so hard in Plan B because it just seems like there are times where you need to communicate with the wayward for something.

CHAI

Hi CL,

It must be frustrating to pay and yet feel you are not getting much service.

...but proposing to meet with WS may just mean that you have forgotten how it is to deal with a WS!

Is considering something 'in between', like a mediation service, an option for you? ....not only re your divorce settlement but also to discuss your concerns about DD? I certainly found it beneficial....we got ahead some, and with the presence of a third party, it forces WS (and BS) to remain respectful, and keep the discussion on topic, and often they are trained to help parties identify areas of concerns and options. If you have never looked into it, it may be worth considering or at least speak to someone who offers these services...and remember, it's a service that can only be used if both parties agree to it, but if will lower costs, I don't see WS objecting to it.

It must be heartbreaking for you as a mom not to be able to intervene in your DD's life. I don't know what the experts in the field say, but I guess it's to remain firm with wanting to help her once she makes the decision to want to get help and get healthy, and refuse to be involved otherwise. Would you say that you have made this clear to her?

CL...do you already know what will happen to the baby if she doesn't 'turn her life around'? ...will baby go into foster care?

Wish I could be there to give you a REAL hug!

((((((((((((((((((((((CL))))))))))))))))