We had Fall Fest and Trunk or Treat at church this evening. It was so much fun. I had a blast. I won a costume prize (second place adult costume). I usually resent having to buy so much candy. But this morning, one of this year's planners said that this is the safest thing many of the children who attend get to do for Halloween because it is not safe to trick or treat in their own neighborhoods. That struck me. I had not yet bought my candy when she said that but I bought extra after hearing that. It was SO worth it. I got out my fog machine. My lighted plastic pumpkins. My inflatable ghost. My inflatable pumpkin. My Halloween CD and my boombox. My PVC skeleton. I had a blast!!!!! I know I said that already. But it's true.

Tomorrow evening, I get another steroid injection in my right SI joint. I'm better than I was a month ago but we haven't gotten if fixed yet. My knee is better, too.

Queenie, it is not good when your parts start fritzing out.

NO, I would imagine NOT.

To more accurate, emotionally, I am still riding my Halloween High.

But, I on TONS of eyemakeup. I have glitter hairspray in my hair. Glittery body lotion on my face and neck and arms. I am exhausted and I have to scrape this stuff off me before I go to bed.

G'night.

G'dnight sweet friend. May you be blessed with peaceful rest and special dreams.

Cinde, Queenie

You two rock. Sounds like Cinder had too much fun this weekend.

Cinder, it isn't that I was upset that she was with him, just that it had to be a big secret. Not sure why....

Anyway, the sighting threw me for a while, but I'm OK now.

Have you told her that it was ok?


BTW, I feel like I had a big day yesterday. Please, please, let me go put my head on a pillow.

Next time DD asks you something about the D or your WH, try this on for size...

"I understand you are concerned about the D and about how your Dad and I are treating each other. You have a very full life right now with sobriety and a new baby coming, it's not fair for you to try to help your Dad and I to manage our D too. You don't have to do anything about this, you don't have to listen to us complain, try to fix anything, or act as the go-between. You are perfectly within your right to change the subject or ask us not to talk about this with you. It's not fair to put you in the middle and you may have to remind us not to talk about it with you, but it's OK to do that."

Hi CL,

Well.... spotting WS after so long might be helpful to you... especially if you are contemplating 'discussions' of sorts directly with him, with or without mediator.


I agree with Cind...best to tell her and make sure....kids sometimes think that spending time with one parent is HURTFUL to the other.... although you might suggest you may not want to know the DETAILS!

Keep on trucking!

You know, it is ok for your daughter to see her dad. It is ok for the two of them to love each other. It is ok for her to see you and for the two of you to love each other.

However, if it is hurtful for her to share the details, it is ok for you to tell her to see him but don't fill you in too much.

I've always told my children that it was ok for them to love their dad and to see him. And the same goes with their grandparents. Then, I had to the stepmother. Then, and this was the bigger stretch, the stepmother's children (who are older and have their own sets of problems.....children before marriage, dui, divorce, conception before marriage, that sort of stuff.) But, it's ok.

I never said it wasn't OK. She sees him when he is in town and always tells me. I have no problem with it. As a matter of fact, when I saw them I expected him to just drive by and drop her off, but instead he dropped them off way up the street so he wouldn't see me. Again I expected her to tell me that her dad didn't want to see me so he dropped her off up the street, but instead she told me that her friend dropped her off. I didn't even question it because I didn't want them to know that I saw them. I've never told her she can't see him so that was why I was so confused that she lied about it.

So, he has a local apartment but is still telling her he lives out of town. I know that he doesn't want her showing up at his doorstep with a bunch of addicts, but he should at least tell her the truth.

Nothing new at this point. Still waiting for the support hearing. I'm sure the lies will come fast and furious - he didn't know about this, he didn't know about that, he didn't know about the other thing, blah, blah, blah. Lying really does seem to become a habit one they start it.

More than a habit. A way of life.

It takes a lot of work (and lies to oneself) to keep the Fog Machine going.

I would actually say they just start to believe their lies and don't know any other way. One sick mind... Very sick mind. At some point they have to keep up the lies or they have to look at their behavior and that's not going to happen until they hit their bottom, if they ever do.

Hi CL,


...and it's the reason why BS need not take anything WS says too seriously...or risk getting confused :crosseyedcrazy:


That's part of the problem with the kids (young and old)...unless clearly pointed out, they 'assume' things...that burden them more for no reason. Trying to put the boys at ease when there's contact with WS has become part of what I do...on a continual basis. I even find myself suggesting they consider asking their 'DAD' about certain issues.

The hardest part in all of this is no longer having a spouse to call when you get into a bind.

This week I was 400 miles from home when I totalled my car. OR should I say that a nice, young girl with NO license, NO insurance, and NO car (she was driving someone else's car) decided to total my car for me.

I didn't even see it coming. Heard the crash before I realized that I had been hit. Anyway, my first reaction was that I didn't have anyone to call. It was just a lonely feeling. I was OK, but all of these thoughts started running through my head about what if I had been injured or died. I have no one to call.

After I cried about it for a few minutes, I just realized that I was on my own and I had better get used to it. So, I ended up renting a car to drive back home. It wasn't rocket science to come to that decision, just good common sense, but it would have been nice to have someone to call that would rush to your side.

Waywards take so much from you. Everyday you discover something new that they took from you. I hate them.

Be sure you get in contact with your insurance company. In my state, even minimal required insurance usually comes with uninsured driver insurance. This girl may be in some serious hot water.

Moving on to more fun things......when I knit, my calico cat gets in my lap. When I get on the computer, it's usually the black cat in my lap (though, sometimes, it can be the calico). So, a cat in the lap usually brings the dog around. Therefore, sometimes, I have as many as 5 demanding "children".

Back to the car. Chai, you can do this.

3 weeks after my x moved out, I had a serious car wreck and I was the at-fault driver. Was only 5 miles or so away from home but I had both children in their car seats in my back seat. My mom was in Florida. My sister worked full time and was in graduate school. My then wh was totally unwilling to be of assistance.

It's not easy to deal with this stuff. And it makes all the other stuff so painful. It's sort of like picking at your scabs. Gaining the strength to tackle this stuff is not easy but it is doable.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I'm sorry to hear about your car. I do hope you are ok and not hurt. I am glad you had the presence of mind to figure out what to do.

Make your insurance company figure out how to get your car home and repaired. Encourage them to go after the other driver enough for her to meet her responsibilities.

Were the police called? Do you have information on the other driver? Did she speak English? (In my city that can be a real issue. I've been hit by one uninsured Hispanic so far. I guess I've dealt with at least 3 uninsured drivers in the last 8 or 10 years - 2 in the same 4 car pile-up where I got to be the car at the head of the chain.)

Cinder,

Thanks for the vote of confidence. I know that I can do it. It's just a bummer when you don't have the support anymore and have to do everything on your own.

Yes, the police, fire dept, life squad, residents, you name it were there. The lady behind me was a gem. She stuck around to be a witness for me. It was a two lane highway, I had my turn signal on to turn left, the lady behind me slowed down as I did, however the girl came from behind her at a high rate of speed, decided to pass both of us and hit me as I turned left. I have a Volvo, and they really do hold up in an accident. Wow.

She is 6 mos pregnant, driving the boyfriend's car (he was in jail), had no license and of course no insurance. I didn't look, but I believe that the "no passing" lines were on the road in that section because of the many curves. Anyway, the trooper said she would be dealt with appropriately. They took her to the hospital because she said she had cramping. I see a lawsuit coming.....

Anyway, I'm home and OK. Had a little pity party, but I do that once in a while.

Your xH really is a wus. Can't believe he wouldn't help you in an accident when your children were involved. What a jerk.

Back to knitting. When I knit, by Boston sits on my lap. She always gets tangled up in the yarn and I get mad at her. Don't stay mad though because she's so cute.

I'm going to Stitches East this week. Have you ever been to Stitches?

Here is an interesting story. When I had the accident, the lady behind me who stopped to help asked if she could do anything or call anyone. Me, feeling sorry for myself, told her that I was in the middle of a D and had no other family to call. She offered to take pictures of my car for me, and send them via email. I gave her my email address.

Today, I got the pictures with a nice note. This was included in the note:


Dear Chai
I certainly hope everything went well for you the rest of the day/evening. I would be curious to know what will happen to
the gal that hit you! I would say she will have some long lasting consequences.

It was my pleasure to stay there with you. You said you are going through some rough times and just know that you are in my
thoughts and prayers. I've been there (divorced for 10 years after 23 years of marriage and 3 kids) and would you believe 5 years ago we were remarried and brought our family back together again!
So there is hope for a good life for you!

Sincerely E.


I wrote her and asked her if she would share her story with me. I hope to hear from her soon.

So sorry to hear about your car accident. Hope you have uninsured motorist insurance.

The lady that helped you sounds like such a good person. Hope you hear from her again.