OhMyGosh and Aileen, instead of fighting on this thread, can I suggest that you do something PRODUCTIVE and pick up the phone and call the counseling center at the link above? Ask for an appointment with Steve Harley.

If you both want to have a happy, peaceful marriage, I promise you that he can get you there better than most anyone.

No good can come from rehashing grievances on this thread, I promise you. It will only keep you both enraged - AS YOU CAN SEE. This is not the solution and I am sorry to see it happening here on Marriage Builders. IT IS NOT THE SOLUTION.

In fact, OhMyGosh, I would strongly suggest that you STOP reading this thread and go over to General Questions 11 and start up your own thread. But more importantly, please pick up the phone and call Steve Harley.

He won't waste your time with a lot a nonsense and navel gazing. He will assess your situation and give you a PLAN. A PLAN that does not include tearing each other down and rehashing every slight.

WILL YOU PLEASE DO THAT?

I was told by several people here to go start my own. The things I wrote there are sometimes how I truly feel. I feel like nothing I can do is right. So yes, I started my own threat where I can list my own fears and my own frustrations without the baggage that has already been attached to me in this trail. It was nothing more than that. Why did I switch H and W? I honestly didn't think I could get a fair shake calling myself H on a website which I think is read and commented upon mostly by women. That's all. Nothing creepy (I think?).

This may seem ridiculous to you, but if your name has been dragged through the mud like mine has, you can hardly blame me for thinking I may not get a fear listen. I do feel that way sometimes, it is hard to please Echo I think - or better perhaps is to say that it's hard for me to understand how I can fill her EN's. I wish we could just talk and stop blogging and learn how to hear eachother. I have committed to Echo to curtail (stop) the bad language, I have committed to showing her little signs of affection that I feel, I have committed to the things I learned from the questionnaire we filled out the other night. I don't know what else to do, it seems to just not get through.

You're going to get the FAIREST shake by being yourself and being honest.

MelodyLane, I am calling him now.

huh?? You said your husband does things he thinks are right. I asked if that was WRONG to do. I just don't know people who believe it is a virtue to do things they think are wrong. Do you?

MelodyLane, I am having a hard time finding that phone number. Can you possibly just give it to me? or can you be more specific which link to hit to find it? thank you

Here you go, OMG:

Coaching Center

Call toll-free 1 (888) 639-1639

As I said before, Dr. H recommends focusing on SOLUTIONS, rather than on rehashing grievances and demonizing each other. I don't know of anyone who ever lovebusted their way to a marital bliss and this thread is proof positive of that.

Tailspin/OMG/Dear husband, I have read your thread where you transformed yourself into a woman, you have outdone yourself.

Find a 3rd woman who is willing to go through IVF for you and serve you as you expected from you mom, or go back to your parents and live there, or live like your 46-yr old single friend whose life you admire ever so often.

What is this about, Aileen?

Please, Aileen/Echo, give it time for both of you to learn to do better.

Earn your way out of it, don't just give up. Please.

I don't know what it is about but I have made the appointment and I have not been able to find Echo. I really wish we could talk rather than blog. it is so easy to misinterpret blogs and emails. MelodyLane, thank you for the phone number.

Aileen, how's your self-care?

I know you're in a tough situation. There is a lot of work ahead of you every way you look. It's okay. You'll be okay, and your kids, and your H.

You can control your focus, your attitude. Here's an exercise I read and found helpful, to go and look in the mirrir, and ask, how's my attitude? How am I doing? Then I tell myself, "My attitude is my decision."

I am concerned hearing your outward focus, focus on things that you can't fix, can only watch them swirl. I wish for you an internal focus, on things that you have control over.

Do you have a good friend, a friend of your marriage, that you good spending time with? I like the expression, "Hanging With the Winners." I am doing better recentering on my own too, but I am glad that I can spend time with folks who I feel more calm, more myself after talking with. Like cat and jayne here on the board, and a lot of folks IRL, too. I have two neighbors, a SAHM and a WAHM, who I meet for lunch. We don't vent, we talk about the stuff that makes us happy to talk about like in that Friends Of Good Conversation article. Like about the lastest stuff that our kids are doing, the activities that we're trying. They share their accomplishments, and I feel stronger hearing that. Like here on the board, cat conquered years of old taxes and clutter. Jayne and her H found great jobs in a new exciting area of the country.

There are alot of other examples, too, all over the board. Soolee got trained for a great WAHM position she's thriving in. Stella is successful in real estate. W8ing for signs lost 50 pounds and is still going. Every poster I know on here has done things that are amazing and inspiring to think about. Reminds me that I can set goals and reach them, too!

What can you do to feel good about yourself, today? Do you watch your kids sleep? Do you watch your H sleep, how peaceful they look?

{{{{{{{{{{earsopen}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Thanks, ML I learned a lot from your advice to genoveffa, the Plan A that you lay out there.

Aileen, I encourage you to check out that thread, to look at how our friend G is changing her life, even though you can see how hard that is. There are better days ahead!

WARNING!

Ladies and Gents,

We have had several complaints regarding disrespectful responses on this thread. I have made several edits, and the Mod staff will continue to monitor this thread closely.

PLEASE be respectful in your responses.

The Harleys and Mod Staff thank you.