Hi again SC,,

I would not have taken that comment as flirting, specially since you where right there. And I don't think he meant it as rude, just a funny comment.

If my hubby said something like that (and he does) I would have said something like "watch it buddy, you got to go home with me"

Just my 2 cents, F-26

Road even if this is the case, should it not bother me that he is trying to get "a moments notice" from another woman?

I personally have no desire to get "a moments notice" from anyone but my H.

Actually that is what i did, but it still bothered me. This same night he was right beside me the whole night. He made a total of four "cute comments" (as LG put it) this same particular evening. One was to a coach that he knows (male) and the other three were to attractive women. None were made to any older or not as attractive women.

This happens in real life as well. Once our group at work went out for lunch. One of the women who drove accidentally left her lights on and her car wouldn't start after lunch. Another woman who was also driving had jumper cables, but none of us who were there (6 women and 1 man) knew how to use them. The man tried to flag someone down in the parking lot but was ignored. So he went inside the restaurant to find help leaving the 6 women alone. We saw 2 guys approaching so we pushed the youngest of our group forward, a very cute summer student, and she simply batted her eyes and held up the jumper cables. Within moments, not just these 2 guys, but 4 other guys were scrambling over each other trying to help.

FWIW, I didn't think the comment was flirty but I did think it was disrespectful as it implied dishonesty. I would have resented it on those terms.

What???? It didn't IMPLY dishonesty...it was a joke.

:RollieEyes:

Affairs change the dynamics of a marriage forever, MEDC. SC's FWH knows that these comments bother her and he should therefore stop them.

Last weekend, my DH worked a weekend for the first time since his A 17 months ago. He was asked to train new hires. He did not accept this OT offer without calling me first. He would have told me after the fact before the A. He met his OW working OT.

The new hire met him in the field and was required to ride with DH for the day. Again he immediately called me. You see, they had sent a woman. Pre A neither of us would have even considered that either of these things needed my consent. He also told me he will not train females again if he has to ride alone with them.

God's Blessings,

Say

I agree that he should stop them as they are bothering his wife. I agree 100%.

My only point here is to NOT make this out to be something it wasn't. Also, as it has always been a part of his personality, it will likely be difficult to stop. In fact, if SC continues pressing this...he may just stop in front of her.

And he should but he also needs to understand that he needs to stop it all together. It is the sort of joking, opening line that can lead to an A. It is my DH's "nature" to hug all female friends, ruffle their hair, call them Babe. He has spent the last 17 months breaking those habits out of consideration for his BW who now has much thinner skin than she used to and... as an EP to prevent something that he never felt could happen from happening again.

God's Blessings,

Say

Tabby

The situations I refered to were real life situations film with hidden cameras on news type shows.

MEDC not sure what you meant by this. Would you mind explaining? I know what you meant about the making out to be something it was not (i do not believe he said anything that would make me think dishonesty i know he was joking).

What i am questioning is the statement about if i continue pressing this he may just stop in front of me? I do not understand.

Do you mean that if i continue to push this issue it become a big deal to him?

I mean that if you continue to push him, he may just stop doing it IN FRONT OF YOU. You want to create a situation where his mindset and behaviors change at all times...not just when you are there.

Duh? Once you said it, it made perfect sense LOL!!!

How would you create that situation without "pushing" the issue when he disrespectfully does it in front of you with no regard for your feelings? This is a man who committed adultry and a woman who is trying to survive that. I don't understand your reasoning, Medc.

God's Blessings,

Say

SC:

This line says it all:


This happens ALL THE TIME. Right?

You are disrespected by comments like that. I can be quite charming, because that is my nature. And moreso with attractive women. It might be your WH's as well. Look what happened. We both had affairs. The one thing difference now? I don't throw out quips that are sexually suggestive (Flirting) or demeaning to my spouse (The cashier MAY have ripped you off...) since Dday.

Contrary to MEDC, it isn't just a "joke". Mr SC is looking for something ELSE. And this particular comment, puts SC down. Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? Perhaps. But Mr SC KNOWS exactly what he is doing.

When he practices these things in front of you, you can imagine WHAT he is saying when Mrs SC isn't around. "It's his nature, and he'll never change?" He has no reason to. He just continues to do what he wants to do no matter the effect it has on Mrs SC.

One of the Harley rules in to "protect your spouse". Insinuating that your spouse may be ripping some off? That's not protection. Openly flirting with attractive women? That's not protection, if your spouse has a concern about that. Yes, be charming. But there can and should be limits. I can certainly be charming without belittling my spouse.

SC: You don't even have to tell me what the other two comments made that night were. But they didn't cross your lines, nor belittle you, I suspect.

LG

Talk and reach an agreement...don't nag, accuse (since it is open to debate that what he did was in fact disrespectful). POJA the issue.

I do wonder what he says when i am not around because i feel like the things he says when i am around are "flirting" more than being "friendly". He however does not agree and when i say anything about then i am just over reacting according to him.

Yeah..and perhaps he is bisexual too...since he does this with men as well.

:RollieEyes:

Sure it was a joke. But the joke was that she might have kept some of the change for herself - hence the implication that she might be a thief. I don't think that's very funny. It might be if the woman was a good friend who was familiar with your sense of humour (i.e. a running joke), but not a complete stranger. Some people do take things quite literally.

It doesn't surprise me at all. I also have a friend who fixes her car by driving it to Canadian Tire, buying the part, walking out to the parking lot, lifting the hood and then standing there looking at it. I don't believe she's ever had to wait longer than 5 minutes before another customer (male) came along and did it for her. And this is with the service garage right there.

I TRY not to nag about it, but it has happened so many times that it just really, really bothers me.

Ok here is another story from pre-A. There was a woman whose son played on my DS baseball team (during the summer). She would "flirt" so bad with my husband and he would just joke back with her. When i said that it bothered me he said she was "just being friendly".

Here are some of the things she said and did. She would talk about how hot it was outside and that she would have to go home and squeeze out her bra and underwear from the sweat. She would bend over in front of him, one game she came up behind him and poured cold water down his back and then said "there don't that feel much better". Another time she mentioned something about a porn star.

Every single game she would say or do aomething and whenever i said that it bothered me and asked him not to comment back to her i would get the same response she was "just being friendly". So okay my H was not the one to "start" the "flirting" in this instance but he certainly did not do anything about the situation.