Sorry but not at all.......

I am only talking about the current situation. I do not think my H is cake eating for wanting to stay in the house.

I do not think i am cake eating because i take steps, maybe not drastic steps but steps none the less. I really can not leave right now. I do not have the money saved up to get another place as of yet.

Actually, if you can even stand to be in the same house together and neither of you hates the other enough to move out, then I'm not sure that this marriage of 23 years is "over" so much as settling into a new pattern. I've known several couples who sleep in separate bedrooms, don't have any spark to their relationship, and have just gone on like that for years.

spaul thanks for tha advice but that is definitely NOT what i want. This is NOT a permanent thing.

Doesn't this just sum up everything.

You can't leave. You are and have been dependant.

Get your ducks in a row so you can leave and no longer be dependant on him. How long will this take? How much do you need to save?

You have been with him since you left your parents home. Are you sure you are going to leave?

The plan is to leave when we both leave and he wants to leave as well. We have discussed it and decided it the smartest and best thing for both of us to stay in the house and save money until we have to leave. As for when that is we do not know.

It took me some time but I found you.

I am still hoping for a brain transplant.

I am following along friend

I had to laugh at this because i was not sure who's brain you thought needed transplanted, his, mine, or yours ...........

Why does it seem to take a complete and total break down of things before two people start communicating with one another..............

Me and H have had more real heart to heart conversations since i moved out of our bedroom than we have had in 25 years..........

Oh SC this could be the transplant - and i do mean HIS of course!

haha I laughed out loud reading your comment though...

maybe showing how serious you are is a waking up...

care to elaborate on the convos?

xx

I knew you meant his, i just got a kick out of it ...............

I am not sure ivetz simply because he has tried to appease me before and it does not last long.

I just know that he told me more during those conversations than he ever has before.

Are you having weekly relationship discussions?

Not really scheduled meetings per se. We just still live in the same house and get ready for work together and such so we talk and he has been the one doing most of the talking.

Hi SC,

Skald and I had a discussion about flirting the other day. He used to have horrible boundaries in that regard. I always saw it as flirting and it was a huge problem for me. He has NEVER seen it as flirting - even now. Not once did he see that he was flirting with those women. To him he was just being himself and being friendly. He never had the intention of anything, therefore it wasn't flirting. However, he does look back and admit that he was INAPPROPRIATELY FRIENDLY. I was using the wrong wording. He could never see it as "flirting" because he never had any intentional sexual feeling toward these people. It was inappropriately friendly though since he should not have joked with them in that manner or done the other things.

Maybe your H will never admit that he was flirting, because in his head he never had that intention. Maybe he will understand that it is being "inappropriately friendly". Maybe all along, you've been using the wrong term.

I do have to say that after we finally came to this understanding, Skald admitted that it could be construed as "flirting" by other people. He just never saw it that way since it was never his intention. He was never trying to get a reaction from them. He was just being his friendly self. It was an "inappropriately" friendly self. Everybody else could look at what he was doing as flirting (and they did), but since he didn't see it that way because it was never his intention, he could never admit that he was flirting.

Does any of that make sense?

drgnfly, yes it makes PERFECT sense and is exactly the way my H sees it too.

He says the same thing as Skald, there is no intent therefore it is not "flirting".

And i will have to say since we have been living separately we seem to be communicating a lot better and he did admit just the other day that something he said to one of my daugther's friends was "inappropriate" and he did not ever even think about "what" he said because he thought he was just being "friendly".

I popped in to lurk and was sorry to find you here. You know that I lived with my ex-husband (divorce has been final since beginning of November)until we could get our ducks in a row. We managed. We don't hate each other in spite of repeated warnings to the contrary.

Thanks for the pop in. And so far it has not been too bad, i just wish it did not have to be this way (just like you did). Like i said on your thread take care of yourself!!!

SC

Well we finally received our foreclosure papers, we are waiting to hear from our attorney as to when we have to move, but at least we now will have a date...............

well it seems that since 2005 me and my h have had so many trials that i sometimes wonder if i have done something horribly wrong in my life and i am being punished even though i know that is not true......

So here's another one to add to the pot, my h had a mild heart attack last week and was in the hospital for a couple of days. He is fine now just some lifestyle changes and some BP meds, which are a good thing anyway.

But it did make me realize again that no matter what i still love this stupid man ......

It just makes all of my decisions have a slightly different twist on them is all really but it does put a twist on them.....

I still love my husband too. But, I never want to be married to him again. There is no trust or change on his side. So, I am rebuilding my life alone and it is okay.

Goodness gracious SS2 it is so glad to see you pop in for a minute.

Thanks for the words of encouragement LOL.....

Take care of yourself!!!!

Heck, you gotta love 'em. Otherwise you would be reduced to pity and nobody deserves that.

The wide bodied Karma bus is driving through my Ex-WW's life and I still love her. I hate what she is going through and wish I could help. Not my job anymore.

Larry