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Just thought i would say hello. I have not been here for so long and really do not know what brought me back. I have been snooping for the last couple of weeks.
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Welcome back.
You say you have been snooping. What is your present situation?
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
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My present situation is good!
Things have been good in my marriage for a little while now and my DH is a far better H than he has ever been.
I still wish it never happened because it just still feels like it put a spot or something on our marriage, but it is what it is and there is nothing that can be done to change it.
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How much UA time do you get?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I do not feel like there is anything wrong with my marriage right now, actually like I said before my H is the best H ever in our marriage.
However the A changed me far more than I care to admit I think.I feel like I �put up� with more before and now any little thing that may not have bothered me before bothers me more now, almost like they say, I had on my rose colored glasses and once he had the A I took them off and there are lots of things about my H that I really do not even like and I wonder why I ever did or if I just �put up� with it.
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The MB forums have changed since you were last here. We are much more about learning and applying MB principles to our marriages than we used to be. So, we do have things to offer you, even now. We want to help you have a great marriage. It is entirely possible to get your marriage to the point that it is so terrific, the past problems just don't matter. That is where Brainy's question about UA time comes in. You should be getting a minimum of 15 hours a week of time devoted exclusively to meeting each other's emotional needs. That is so you will stay in love. Is that happening in your marriage?
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
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Oh yes we get more than that of UA, and we POJA everything now.
I guess this is not the best place to be posting this but like I said I love my H and desire to be with him for the rest of my life. I just think the A changed my outlook on my H and like I said some of the things he does (which he has always done) really bother me now and they did not before.
And I know all of us wish it did not happen but I just wish it did not happen.
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Oh yes we get more than that of UA, and we POJA everything now.
I guess this is not the best place to be posting this but like I said I love my H and desire to be with him for the rest of my life. I just think the A changed my outlook on my H and like I said some of the things he does (which he has always done) really bother me now and they did not before.
And I know all of us wish it did not happen but I just wish it did not happen. Do you let him know about the things that bother you? Do you complain to him? What do you do, during your UA time?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I do tell him but sometimes even I get upset with me for being that way, it is like he has been doing it for 30 years why does it bother you now.
Since it is nice outside we do things like going for a walk together, or taking our puppy to her favorite place (swimming in the creek), or sitting outside by our fire pit, just outdoors n general.
We also usually make dinner together (unless he has to work overtime)
Last edited by Still_Crazy; 08/20/14 12:51 PM.
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I am talking stupid things like he eats too loud and stuff like that.....
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I am talking stupid things like he eats too loud and stuff like that..... That's not stupid. Those are annoying habits and you should tell him. If I recall Dr. Harley discussed this recently about a daughter eating with her mouth open. Have you read up on annoying habits?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Posts: 2,305
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I know they are annoying habits the reason I say it is stupid is because like I said things like that did not bother me before (or I guess I did not let it bother me before) and now it does, that is all, it just sometimes makes me sad.
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Still Crazy,
I know what your mean. Prior to betrayal and things are humming along and BAM! no more filters that allow us to make excuses to ourselves or spouse---- you know the lovebusters can be insidious, creep up and cause major troubles. The best thing is to be open and honest, eliminate these LB's and maintain your love banks.
BW 58
WH 61
married 35 years
2 adult children
2 grandchildren
"Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one...It will not be broken, it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable...The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from dangers and perturbations of love is Hell" c.s. lewis
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Grace good sound advice!!! I do know how those LBs can be.
And like I said that is probably the only thing that I even think about the affair anymore and it just makes me sad that I had to take off those glasses so to speak
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Wow, I just had my birthday on Saturday and it was also my quit smoking day, I went cold turkey but I am taking Chantix, I think my lack of nicotine is just making me feel sorry for myself  . This is way hard........
Last edited by Still_Crazy; 08/21/14 09:52 AM.
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What about the online program? You get a coach and free access to Dr. Harley on the private forum.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,433
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Wow, I just had my birthday on Saturday and it was also my quit smoking day, I went cold turkey but I am taking Chantix, I think my lack of nicotine is just making me feel sorry for myself . This is way hard........ There is no need to explain. We are just here to help. The wonderful thing about MB is that it makes you mindful of just what it takes to maintain a great marriage. You don't have to be in crisis to find good stuff here. We are glad you found your way back, and we are happy to listen to you and offer our interpretation of how MB principles might be better applied in your marriage.
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
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Posts: 6,108
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Hey S_C!!  Long time.....
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Wow, I just had my birthday on Saturday and it was also my quit smoking day, I went cold turkey but I am taking Chantix, I think my lack of nicotine is just making me feel sorry for myself . This is way hard........ That is a great move to quit smoking. I would also suggest you cut out all fast foods, and eliminate white flour from your diet while introducing more fresh fruits and vegetables. Do you have a vegetable juicer? As you increase nutrition and get the poisonous nicotine and carbon monoxide out of your blood you will feel better
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