Whoa

YOU THINK!!!!

Babe, I need to become more involved in your life then.

Hi Queenie,


Where do you find out which posters have the site 'open'?? (...and not necessarily ON it...like me! :RollieEyes:)

Not sure I know what you mean.

Hi Queenie,

A few posts back you wrote,


....I just wondered if there was a way to know which posters are OFFICIALLY 'online' at the MB Board...or maybe you have special powers and just KNOW who's on...LOL!

Sorry about the crisis with your OS!

QUEENIE

Luna,

In your profile you can choose to be visable to others. Then, if you are on, the little icon by your name in each post will be highlighted.

CL,

Thanks for the info.

Just talked to my mom this morning. Sooo proud of her at how SHE's facing her challenges.

As some of you know, Dad is in palliative care....Mom is up the hospital to see him every day as is my brother, reassuring him and helping him feel less alone, and helping the best way they can, but last Friday he was so doing so badly that mom even stayed overnight....but my mom is ALSO elderly and has some health issues...

...and this is what she said to me and has decided:

She needs to stay strong and have courage...can't stay at the hospital overnight anymore as its takes too much out of her.... appreciates so much all the help offered at the hospital.... she can and does 'reach' out to other family members... but has chosen to 'cut off' contact with others that are VERY demanding of her emotionally....

She said: Luna, you know, you THINK you are ready because you are expecting it (Dad's death)....but then at the thought that this is, it's happening, you start to tremble all over when you REALLY think (feel) about what it all means.... she's having to start to going home and realize that Dad will never be in it again.... and so has asked my brother to REMOVE or REARRANGE a few things at the house,that might help her cope better.... because as she says: everything reminds me of his presence/absence....

I just listened to her and encouraged her....even though some of the things she was saying were really triggering me...

I chose to stay in the family home when WS left....I KNOW the trick about COPING with the pain by REARRANGING furniture or buying new items... just enough to do the trick!... it's about all I did the first 6 months.

Like I said to my brother, I few weeks ago I went to see and say goodbye to Dad...there is not a lot I can do for him... but I am on stand-by so that when the inevitable comes....I will be right back, this time, to help Mom with the loss.... I think I know a little more about how to cope with THAT than I would like! ...I am actually 'coaching' my brother..... on how to expect and prepare to witness some 'emotional rollercoasting' from both Dad and Mom.... I suspect both he and I, being somewhat in an action mode, will probably be hit HARDER once the dust settles....

My brother is one reason I can't 'generalize' about men, as are some MB men, ... and that men who are thoughtful, sensitive, committed DO exist..... I love my brother.

DS17 was working early this morning. He could have asked me to drive him...I am always happy to because that's what Moms do.... but he didn't.... he took the bus and let me sleep in. I am going to be sure to tell how much I appreciate that and that it did not go unnoticed!

I have no special powers, but I will tell you it often amazes me how fast Mimi is on here when I say something stupid. I often wonder if she doesn't have a beeper that goes off in her life.

On a more serious note, your mom sounds like she is doing ok under the circumstances. She is feeling the pain, acknowledging the sadness, and taking care of her as best as possible.

I remember how close my family got as we were around my dad when he was dying. My mother spent hours at the hospital, and would go home and drink to mask the pain and fear, in fact everyone but me was drinking and using.

Lucky me was sober almost 5 months and didn't use. But I did spend lots of time in my dad's room and was there when he went into his coma and didn't come out again. I remember talking to him and then falling asleep and having him show me where he was going and that he would be ok. When I woke up, he was in his coma. He lived many hours more, but it wasn't until my mom, sister and myself were out of the room that he finally went. It was so weird.

Your mom is going to need you after he is gone, because now she is caught up in the pain, the sadness, the fear of what's going to happen waiting for what G-ds timing is, etc. And then everyone is around giving her support.

But after the initial wave of support, we all know we are left to our own journey to build back our life. And it's a journey WE have to do OURSELVES, yet what I learned most was how to just be there and listen and that's what you can give her.

You do understand this pain. You do understand loss and you understand how you have to learn to pick up and move forward.

We are here with you, every step and will give you all the strength, love, hugs that you need.

I'll keep you in my prayers.

Hi Queenie,


Yea...I noticed...she must have some 'search engine' of sorts to have you on her radar....instantly!

Thanks for your thoughts and support, Queenie.

Right at this MOMENT...I AM getting TIRED of the PAIN...coming from all sides...I can see how it can get to a point where resorting for some sort of relief...even temporary and destructive...can be tempting.... and willpower won't do it... a lot depends with whom we surround ourselves, and how well we recognize unhealthy ways and decide and adopt healthier ways....

LUCKILY...one thing we have learned around here is that....all moments PASS...given some patience... and even learned how to 'move on' quicker....

...bottom line...just keep trying to do our best...and learning better ways to take care of ourselves...

Take care, Queenie....you also have had some rough spots lately...and have come out on top.

It is good to have each other here to lean on...it really hits the spot sometimes.

Hi Luna,

Ah, that would be when I want a drink, a man, or something else to take me away. There are luckily some on here who can indulge and take the pain momentarily, not my luck.

I find it's also how I look to G-d. He is the one who gives me strength, faith and endurance.

I actually feel quite blessed to have this...

You know Luna, I took a class a few years back with WH and sadly I learned that EVERYONE is doing the best they can. Unfortunately what I consider best is open to my judgement. I don't think people purposefully get married and decide to destroy their family, they just go it, they get caught up in something and their mind takes over.

You are RIGHT, we are the BLESSED ones..

We have each other, we have our integrity and we have our relationship with G-d

Luna,

I am so sorry to hear about your dad. My prayers are with you.


I read a book on death, and it said that fathers rarely die in front of their wives or daughters. My Dad was near death, and my brother and I knew if we could get my mom out of the room, he would go. We told her that we needed to go to the mall for a nice shirt for him to wear when the time came. My brother's exW was there with him, so we knew he was in good hands. We couldn't think of anyone better to be there to see him to the other side. She and my Dad were always close. She lost her own dad at a young age, so was very close to us for the 20+ years that she was M to by brother.

Anyway, we barely made it to the mall before we got the call.

On another note, my brother left her about 20 years ago to M his A partner, but he said it was the biggest mistake of his life. His A partner left him about 9 years after they M. See it sometimes takes longer than we think.....

I don't want to t/j, but I need to take the opportunity on this one statement.

Chai, mine is living the life with my WH, there is NO WAY she would leave a free meal ticket with no responsibility and being worshipped by a man.

Hi Queenie and CL,

Thanks for posting. I have no problems with t/j Queenie!

It's been awhile since I started off a week 'on the wrong foot' this much... I think I let some of the stress from everything get to me sometimes.....trying to get back on track and figuring out ways to de-stress!

Will keep you posted.

Queenie,

Yes, I'm afraid the OW in your case is going to hang on by her fingernails. Hopefully that is the thing that will one day make her unattractive when he finally does wake up.

Sometimes there are NO words to make it better except to know you are loved and thought about on here. When one hurts, we fly together and share your pain and that way is disperses...

We love you and keep us posted on how you are doing.

Hi Queenie,


It's so sweet of you to send such positive images ....it's very touching!

Thank you, Queenie.

Yes...I am struggling right now....I also know that I will OK. I use one of the oldest trick around..... putting one foot in front of the other... working hard at not losing sight of what's important to me in life... and SOMEHOW I get through the day....and I start all over again...tomorrow! :crosseyedcrazy:

Well... I am now experiencing what some of you are with WS sightings at the kids' games.

DS17 is back playing hockey (his dad's favourite sport, played some when he was young) ...4th game of the season last night... I was sitting with a neighbour who's kid is DS17's best friend who also plays.... from the corner of the eye....I spotted WS entering arena...I just continued on with my conversation with neighbour...WS sat at the opposite side of the arena. Good. The closer WS is the bigger the triggers.

I guess I should expect more of the same for the season...

...and the odd...awkward moments?!? :RollieEyes:

Just thought of this.... unless WS doesn't tell OP where he goes, could this be cause for concern for OP? (hope she has a wild imagination!) Will she eventually join WS (for pleasure or to check up on WS)? We shall see!

It always astounds me how WH can do the crap they can do. But the truth is, they live in a world of proportionate selfishness, fantasy and deep darkness.

We live in a world that walks with G-d and continue learning not just about ourselves, but others so we can learn from each other. We suffer today, we ask for guidance from on here as well as G-d and one day, this will be over.

We don't know how, but one day those icky feelings will be gone. We can look at the woman who just signed back on, HappyinOklahoma, I think her name is.

I haven't had time to read her story, maybe you remember her and the tough time she had, and now she sounds amazing. I choose to believe that one day that will be us, coming back or continuing to be here and helping those who come after not just by support, understanding, but experience to know that we walked through this and blossomed into the women G-d always envisioned for us.

Hugs Luna, be good to yourself

Luna,

I saw you are still having a rough time. It sure has dragged on for you and I am so sorry.

These WS sure can make life hard. But believe me it can and will get better. I never would have believed it myself. The feelings will deminish and you will not think twice about seeing him anymore. Heck I have seen my ex and his bimbo pleanty of times and its like who cares. I just look at them and see how pitiful and low they are.

It was like one day I woke up and it was over the feelings gone and the hurt just a memory, you will get there......

I am enjoying life and the man in my life and of course all of the grandkids and my kids. I could not ask for more.

Take care my friend feel the freedom from the pain and hurt its awesome.


Happyinokla

Thanks for the thoughts, Queenie.


Sure looking forward to THAT day. In looking back, though, I can't deny that whatever pain I experience TODAY can't compare to one or two years ago.

...putting one foot in front of the other....we'll get there, too.

QUEENIE

Happyinokla,

Well...if it is who I think it is...just the name change says it all!


I will look at the bright side...NOTHING compared to the initial stages.


Yes they can!


I am so happy for you!



Thank you for dropping by and CONFIRMING that life can and does get better. This is helpful to know for many of us here.