Cat, you said judgement, look who he married.

People should not date for one year after the divorce. Did 6yl present her with results of his STD tests? Did he have his gym bunny submit her results of her STD tests?

No they just jumped into bed. Real good judgement.

Road, Cat;

I know it was stupid, and I did use a condom. It is possible that I learned something from my marriage of 20 years and that I am not quite as foolish as I was when I was half my current age.

Also I am not going to live my life in terror of an STD. That threat really seems overly used on this site. Even Dr. H recommends that you get back to business with a spouse, even if they are still doing the A.

ALso I am not dating her, I'm not ready to be in a relationship.

6years,

Tell you what. Treat her in a way that makes you comfortable. I don't have a problem with two consenting unmarried adults receiving and giving SF. Disease is an issue and should be discussed.

You are right you are too early for a relationship. Perhaps she has similar issues I don't know. It seems odd that one can have sex with someone and not be in a relationship of some sort with them. But, I am getting old and things sure have changed.

My take, treat her in a way that you feel comfortable with yourself. This may only be sex, but your relationship with her is now far more intimate than just pushing weight around together at the gym.

I am glad your trip to see your son worked out well. I hope your other children are doing well. I am curious how are your daughters handling all of this, especially since they are in HS?

You will find your way through this, but you MUST be true to yourself and your moral code.

God Bless,

JL

Brief Update for my MB friends and helpers,

I have been doing great this last week, Sam is coming home for Thanksgiving and I'll have all my kids around. My xinLaws and my parents are coming over as well so it should be a great weekend.

I have not heard anything about xW, I guess she is managing her fantasy Italian trip ok. It is also possible that her mother is just not telling me anything. Either way we are doing great, the children never ever mention her and I have offered to get them someone to talk to if they want.

I have not done another "benefits" meeting with the girl from the gym. She has offered but I told her I need to figure out some post divorce stuff right now. She is hard for me to understand, she said she understands but that she had a great time last time and it really is just fun sex for friends she knows I can't offer more right now. Right now for this week Thanksgiving and kids are taking all of my energy.

6YL,

Good for you, I said awhile back that you were high up there on the desirability chart, you didn't even have to try really. Should take a photo to send to ex-wife, complete with age and relevant or comparative measurements.

God Bless
NJ

Thanks NJ,

To be fair only one cute young woman has been offering me meaningless sex, but it sure has been nice for the ego.

Another update in my life saga,

Sam arrived home today for Thanksgiving!!! So, I have all my children around me. My xinlaws and my parents are coming over to help make dinner, a sort of massive family hug for me I think. Still not a peep about xW, but I am pretty sure her mom has been in contact with her.

I'm mostly getting happier but I have some sad times. I'm also concerned that I am becoming a pig, I had another "benefits" meeting on Saturday afternoon. I honestly went in just to workout but my friend was there and one thing led to another and I spent a couple of hours at her place. It seems like we both are doing ok with the casual thing but I'm not sure. I'm mostly worried that she is going to start wanting something emotionally that I just don't have in me right now.

Thanks for the update. You're probably right, best to stay away from her for awhile.

Good luck with the family! Enjoy!

6years,

Have a great Thanksgiving. Remember you do have a lot to give Thanks for and make sure your children understand they do as well. I would think you and the kids should be very thankful for their grandparents on both sides.

God Bless,

JL

Thanks JL and Catperson,

We are super busy getting ready, today is going great. I really missed having Sam in the house.

Happy Thanksgiving
Gabe

Oh, you're gonna make me cry! My daughter is leaving for college in August. My only child!

I've warned her that I'm probably going to rent an apartment near her college, lol. I think she's a little scared I'm telling the truth.

Catperson, JL;


I have more drama to deal with today. Sam was going to wait until after Thanksgiving to tell me but he couldn't keep it in. His girlfriend is pregnant about 4 months. They have been trying to decide what to do and have decided to give the baby up for adoption, since they both are planning on medical school. How 2 premed students let this happen I don't know, but I'm living in a glass house on this issue.

So I am thinking, but not very well I admit, that I will adopt the baby. What is one more child and the baby will be my first grandchild. I will be 42 in April, so I'm not too old and I can afford it. Sam would absolutely love me to adopt the baby and his girlfriend is pretty happy as well. She is not going to tell her parents at all because they are super super religious baptist, but I have never met them.

I'm spinning right now, but at least not missing the xW.

Wow.

My best friend (who had 8 kids of her own) adopted her sister's baby, who she had while in prison for drugs (one of many trips). I'm not sure what they ended up telling him. That's the hard part.

Catperson,

That will be hard because Sam will be around and the other children will all know. I'm probably going to end up buying the family counselor a second home over this.

6,

Replied to you on your other thread. Don't take any actions in haste. I guess given that it has been 4 months this happened before he went back to school.

You still have lots to give Thanks for. Do that.

God Bless

JL

JL,

Yes, Sam and GF have known for a while. He was going to tell me at 21st B'day but didn't get around to it.

In our family we are always thankful for a child, even if it is going to be difficult.

What an amazing journey. I read your entire thread and could relat to much of what you went through. I had to raise my two boys, one with Down's and autism, from age 1 until they were 6and 8. Same deal, my first wife had an incrdible sense of entitlement and the boys really wanted nothing to do with her for a long time. She resented their relationship with me, but I was all they had for years.
Anyway,from early on in your story, I was thinking that your wife has a personality disorder, like BPD or NPD. I saw this way before you mentioned seeing the psychiatrist and the potential diagnosis.
I learned of these when divorcing my second wife after her series of affairs. My first wife was a serial cheater, as well.You need to know that it is most likely that if you had confronted this earlier, she would not have made the changes needed unless she is exceptional. It would have brought things to a head sooner, and you would have been divorced sooner.
When one starts asserting boundaries with a BPD or NPD, they do not change, for the most part. They act like your wife did,first showing "remorse" and saying the right things. Gradually, they seek to recover the status quo, making inroads, such as your wife's attempt to secure girls nights out, weekends away, avoiding houshold responsibilities that she never had before.
What you saw happen was, essentially, pre-ordained. When she saw the boundaries were firm, she bailed.She wants to live being taken care of and doing as she pleases without regard to you or the kids.
If she has one of these disorders,(and that seems likely) there was nothing you could have done to change this result except to havelet her go back to the staus quo. And, that would have led you to an early grave.It is a nightmare living with a disordred spouse. You may need therapy to deal with all the damage she did.
I admire your courage in getting out at a relatively young age. Your kids will start to heal, now. They may need help,as well.

One thing you may want to watch for is that you do not pick girlfriends who are as unstable as your wife. You may not yet be able to recognize this type of instability and instead accidently be "attracting unstable women like crazy".

I would be getting therapy so that never happens again.

Ditto the last 2 posts. I was also married to a narcissist, and my counselor said of new relationships, if it feels familiar, beware! You need to understand what attracted you to that type of person and how to change it.

You and the kids have suffered a lot of damage from your experiences with stbx. Thank God the kids have you! They can't afford you to flake out on them.

PS any woman who says "I don't want anything from you..." is lying...

My 2c,
J