Admiration is a deep need of his, and I know he wants you to come admire the shop he is opening with the OW, with a loan from your family home.

Don't go. Don't meet his needs. Let the OW do that.

If you go see the shop, you are only helping HER.

OK got it, thanks Believer for your advice.....

It would have been difficult for me to do anyway.....

As WH has NO friends and no family that live in our Province, he will have no one but OW and her family to share this achievement with. Some how I think it might be a bit of a let down for him....maybe it will help him to see things for what they truly are.

I keep forgetting that meeting WH's EN's is helping the OW...

I have to print that and sit it on my mirror!LOL

So he has no one else to share his dream with but OW. That is GOOD. Let her provide all of the admiration.

He is so much like my ex, who STILL seems to want admiration from ME.

Your husband needs to figure out (don't tell him) that he will get admiration from his wife when he starts behaving like a good husband, and NOT until then.

If you decide to chuck the marriage, then by all means, go admire his shop. But it you still want to hold on, don't do it.

During the contact that we have had these past few weeks, WH has dropped comments to let me know that "he is doing all the shop fittings(shelving,partitioning etc) ALL BY HIMSELF. That he is working LONG hours and that he is putting his all into it.

He would LOVE for me to see his hard work.

I've just realized that this is similar to the fact that WH has never once passed a compliment to me about me losing 18kgs or that I'm looking 10x better..new figure,new hairstyle etc. I know how that has pissed me off!!

What comes around,goes around.

So don't meet his EN for admiration. Really you should not have been talking to him.

I don't know why, but many WS's seem to still need admiration from their BS. Don't go there.

You need to keep it firmly in your mind that you would have loved to be a part of his dream, but not under the shadow of the OW.

I think that subconsciously, WH is trying to say... even though I stuffed up where our marriage is concerned,I'm still going to provide well for you and the kids, by making a success of this venture...

Well, he can do better by being a good dad and husband to you. Don't settle for less.

Let the OW meet his needs. Go dark. I still have a lot of hope for your marriage.

I agree with you Believer...

There is no need for us to be in contact,DS18's valedictory is done,the loan is signed,I've signed the D papers.... now its up to WH to put he's signature on the papers. I signed on the 6th Oct. and I haven't heard a thing. I've reiterated that I still want him to come home etc..

The ball is in his court....

So just let go, and leave it up to the Lord. Stay dark and let the affair implode.

Yes, I will follow your advice....thanks for encouraging me tonight.

I'm still surprised and glad that you think the affair will end, of course its what I want more than anything!

WH and my marriage are in Gods Hands, definitely...

Its midnight here so I'm off to bed.... thanks again Believer for all your support.You are a true Godsend

Hope,

For what its worth, I agree with Believer. She knows her dark Plan B stuff. Can I ask you to understand that you keep waffling back and forth between having contact and no contact with WH. I actually support Believer in the absolutely NO contact, let OW provide ALL the EN's and leave it in G-ds hands.

So, in the future, I am asking your persmission to be tough and remind you to NOT have any CONTACT with WH and that you are to be DARK.

Because I was responding to what you do in Plan A, and you have said you are wanting to fight for your marriage and have contact with him, so I am just clarifying and willing to be a total supporter for ONLY DARK.

OK?

Queenie, I understand 100%....

I know I'm all over the place with this....

I don't regret making contact with WH as he didn't realize that he could come home.
I have opened the door for him...now I'll back off and go dark....

You have my permission to be tough with me!!LOL

WH owes me $1 200.00, its for the 4 months he stopped paying me maitenance.It states in the D papers that he must pay me that money when he gets the loan.He has the loan now and hasn't paid me.He normally pays me my money in the first week of the month...I'm going to wait till the 7th and then do you think I should ask him if he doesn't pay me?

I don't need the money right now either. I am just worried it might be a LB. What do you think?

YOU shouldn't ask him anything. Let your attorney handle it, a letter or something. Nothing in the MB plans mean letting your WS walk over you. He is paying you maintenance because of his choices. This is one of his consequences.

Thanks PM, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells sometimes,especially if his thinking of coming home....that money is owed to me,regardless if he comes home or not!!

If I don't get it, OW and her kids will.....

Hope,

Here comes a big :twobyfour: I did a bad Plan B, just like you are doing. And I'm sorry to say that but you are. You are only allowing him to cake-eat, thus keeping the A going. You are nagging. Men hate that. You stated your wish for R, now leave it at that. Go dark. This A could have crumbled a long time ago, but you keep baking cakes.

Now, sorry to be so hard on you. I do think your M has a chance of R if you do this right.

And get the atty to get your money. If you don't I can guarantee that it will go to OW's sons for private school. My brother paid for most of his AP son's college (that he couldn't really afford) in an expensive school while is own DD had to borrow money to pay for training to become a hair stylist. And guess what? After the AP's son graduated, she left him.

Okay... To B or not to B? That is the question...

Thanks to WH's misreading of your Plan B letter AND by your failure to utilize the designated intermediary, Plan B never got off the ground.

As I see it... Plan B can be likened to a siege. The enemy is initially fattened up by the plan A but is suddenly and unmercifully left to its own devices in Plan B. Starvation and the awareness of the path to restoration forces the enemy to consider the terms of truce as a viable option.

Now by the modified Plan B, a siege is set up and food parcels are sent over - just in case the enemy gets hungry.

Your initial variation of bringing him the post at the garden gate could have been considered as waving food under the enemies nose. But here's the thing: There has been no Plan B.

And for the Plan B to be initiated there needs to be implementation of a good plan A.

Maybe you can go Plan B as Believer suggests, but then it must be a real Plan B. The good part in all this that WH does definitely now know that there IS possibility of reconciliation.

I exhort you to read Hikers most excellent post on romantic affairs. There is information that explains the reasons for a WS not wanting to come back. Be forearmed.

Lastly, you are quite right about your emotions being all over the place for WH. Dear lady, I wish that I were able to prescribe a course that you would follow. It is not my place to do this.

You have my concern and my prayers.

Oh and let your lawyer deal with business. No lovebusters.

"As I see it... Plan B can be likened to a siege. The enemy is initially fattened up by the plan A but is suddenly and unmercifully left to its own devices in Plan B. Starvation and the awareness of the path to restoration forces the enemy to consider the terms of truce as a viable option.

Now by the modified Plan B, a siege is set up and food parcels are sent over - just in case the enemy gets hungry."

Excellent, just excellent!!!!!!!!!!!! Can I save this to help explain a dark Plan B?