Through his gmail account -- I was able to get in again after I saw he had started a second one (confirmation sent to the home email). His email to her was very similar to the ones he wrote to OW (who is supposed to be waiting in the wings)-- lots of declarations of love, some apologies for him trying to get with her, but lets go out again, soon kind of thing.
He was soo pissed. This cannot just be about an initial affair. Something is very wrong here...
BF439

I don't know. Stay in a good Plan A and see what happens next. It is unusual to have another OW, but who knows?

You need to sit back and relax and see what is going on.

Well, sounds to me like maybe "your" OW (the one you know) isn't the only OW he has...

Oh dear God, bf. I dunno if one session with Steve will be nearly enough. Assuming your WH survives till then...

Hang on girl.

RHW

ETA: Thinking about this some more...if you're sure there are multiple women he is professing love for, you might want to consider that the man has a sexual addiction. He may have met OW #1 on the Internet, very common these days. Sounds like OW #2 is Internet too.

Please mention your concerns to Steve, after you've done everything you can to collect information about what he's doing. Hard, I know, when he's not living with you. I'd suggest a PI, but you already KNOW about OW #1, and if he's not actually seeing OW #2, I don't see what a PI could do.

Steve may recommend Plan B sooner rather than later. Your WH is very dangerous to your emotional health right now. If I made any mistakes at all, it was Plan A-ing too long. Lots of painful memories I might be better off without.

I don't think anything "happened" with OW#2 -- I think he was drunk and I think when he has the opportunity he is going to act on it because I don't think he thinks what he is doing is really wrong. What is even more disappointing is that she is married -- does he not value anyone's marriage???
And get this -- he says he did it because he was lonely!!! It's been two weeks for him and 2 1/2 months for me -- who's lonely here? What a selfish [censored]!!!!
OW#1 was informed (I sent email to her) and he said that she had been with someone -not sexually, tho, (right..), so it appears that their relationship is one where they are ok with each other having other experiences.
Also, got phone call today and long Facebook post from OW#1's ex-boyfriend. He confirmed that they had gotten together due to an affair and that she continued this kind of behavior throughout their relationship. He said he had cut all contact with her because he felt that what she was doing was so hurtful. I so wish he would have contacted me!
So the drama continues and I really hope Harley's do suggest going to a Plan B. I need to have WH, in this current state, out of my life.
All of these actions are completely unlike the man I knew. I really hope its about the affair and not that he is a completely different human. Its just such a waste...
BF439

I'm sure his strange behavior is because of the affair. The OW is meeting some emotional need - maybe admiration. I know it is hard, but see if you can find something to admire about him.

Just talked with OW#2 -- can't even really call her that, I guess. She was repulsed by his end of night come-on and then apology/love letter email. She talked with her husband right away and has said that she cannot be friends with WH anymore. I think this one is a good example of his messed-up-ness, not another affair. I think believer is right about admiration since this was another female colleague who (used to)looked up to WH professionally.
What is so ironic to me is that the kids admired him so much, as did I, for his character. Maybe none of us expressed that enough, but if admiration is important, he has lost it in this process with just about everyone, except OW.
BF439

That is excellent news. Give this stuff some time. His affair is in the open now, and things are crashing down around him. He will be very angry, but they get over that quickly.

What do you know about OW#1? Does she have any kids?

Gosh, what do I know about OW? She is younger, not married, nor does she have any children. Her last relationship developed out of an affair. Her last partner had a vasectomy reversal Jan 08 so they could have children (affair with WH started early Feb 08). She is bisexual and, at least according to their emails, would like to have children with my WH. She also has expressed interest in parenting my children, but mostly the younger one, since it would be harder with the older two...
And, if what she told WH is accurate, she has already been dating others, but not sleeping with anyone.
She is in the same field as he, and ironically, very feminist, pro-family anti-poverty crap. All the fundamental issues she violated for her selfish desire to have sex with a married man.
I try not to think too much about her. I'm in the disgusted beyond belief phase...
BF439

YIKES! A bisexual serial cheater? That is his fantasy woman?????

I guess so? Please read the post below: is this fog speak? This is what I get from him, and I break down and think there is no hope because he's soo sure that he had not loved me for so long, etc.
I'm so tired of hearing it and feeling like I'm the one who just won't face facts.
"I know you don't believe me or that what started in Feb with {OW} was just a symptom of feelings, or lack of feelings, that existed well before then and that I can't be the husband I thought I could. I can't change this and I've failed you. And I can't commit to a marriage my heart's not in-I can't live with those consequences. I don't want to keep rehashing this because I know this only causes more hurt, more disappointment, and I can't keep adding to that. I can live with divorce, knowing that my priority is to be a healthier, loving parent, a healthier, loving friend and co-parent. And I'm committed to working on my issues, being a more honest, trust worthy person, even if you don't believe that either.

I only hope that you know and have confidence, if not now then soon, that you are a beautiful, wonderful person and parent. I am so sorry I can't keep my vows and that I failed you in this way-it troubles me more than you'll ever know-perhaps as much as I'll never know how much I hurt you.

with love, always"
Thoughts?
BF439 is so tired of crying...

I did better after recieving this post and all other contact was short and no LB's. Well, one because I mentioned my ob/gyn appointment I have this week to be sure they didn't give me an STD -- guilt-tripping is probably a LB. But, I am getting better at that!
He's supposed to drop-of LB and EN quesitonaires tonight or early tomorrow because I said I need them for my appointment (he just doesn't know who the appointment is with).
The feedback will be helpful, but I would love some MB advice on the earlier post with his email. Is this what most WS's say or is this nail in the coffin talk????
BF439

What he is saying is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...........

I have a whole drawer full of messages like this from my ex, who by the way, wants to get back with me.

So even though it sounds so firm, rational, etc, its still fog speak? I get caught up in it and think, well on MB, they must be talking about other fog speak. This is so firm!
So your ex wants you back now? I don't think I've found your thread or read your story.
Do you want him?

Yes, it is pure fogspeak. It is what they all say. Par for the course.

My ex wants to get back together, and I'm done with him. His affair ended less than 2 weeks after the divorce was final. I have another man and have no interest in my ex. Too bad for him.

Agree! This is typical fogspeak. I personally heard the same things: I was a wonderful mother and friend, he didn't want to hurt me anymore, let's just get this done and over, I'm not the same man, I've done too much to hurt you, and then other times, I never loved you!, you're nuts, blah, blah, blah.

Just had a super upsetting conversation with MIL about exposure. She said she thinks my exposing to OW's mom and I guess the exposure last night about the OW#2 email was vindictive and how its not going to help me because he's moved out and my marriage is over. And she is one of my support people!
I asked that she looked into MB so she knows that what I am doing is part of a plan and self-care, and she said she will. I'm just tired of being seen as the crazy jilted wife who won't move on.
I'm so tired of crying and being lonely...In my dark place tonight.
BF439

WH filled out EN and LB questionaires and brought them over this morning. Lots of helpful information about what I did in marriage to drain his love bank.
MIL told WH that I contacted OW's mom. MIL can no longer be a support person. I knew this would happen, but I guess I was fooling myself. WH is likely very pissed about OW's mom. We'll just have to see.
At least I'm not crying!!!

Most people outside of MB do not understand the plans because they are counterintuitive. It's OK that WH is pissed, that is to be expected. When exposure happens you hear, "well we had a chance and you blew it", "I hate you", "You don't love me or you wouldn't hurt me this way", etc.

Your MIL is not being helpful right now and I wouldn't look to her for support. You didn't tell her about the discussion boards did you? Would she tell WH that you've been posting here?

I did, and I will ask her not to tell him that I am posting here. I think she will respect that.
Prior to this whole discussion, WH asked if I would fill out the questionaires for him. I guess thats positive.
I talk with the Harley's today. I'm excited about that...
BF439