TH, I've not posted to you before but it would have been a good thing has you posted the plan B letter and got some feedback before you sent it. I, for one, see some major flaws in it's content that should have been edited first. Won't bother to get into them now as it has already been sent.

And no, Plan B is not going to move your WH into changing his stance in a few days, or for that matter, perhaps not for a few months. The plan simply requires you to remove yourself from the drama and turmoil of your WH's continued contact and affair.

It also spells out a list of conditions that would be acceptable to you, to even consider reconcilation. Your list was woefully short. No Contact.

But there's lots more like: Open and Honest communication. All the details of the A (if you desire). Godly sorrow for what you've done to destroy this M and family. Just compensation, in some form, to amend for your actions. A plan for boundaries that will affair proof our M. And that's just scratching the surface.

Plan B is supoposed to be dark. Very dark. NO EMAILS ABOUT ANYTHING. USE AN INTERMIDIARY FOR ABSOLUTE NECESSARY COMMUNICATION ABOUT THE KIDS OR FINANCES. The intermidiary is YOUR filter from all the rest of the BS!

Your attempt at plan B is very weak and fraught with mistakes. I'm not sure, but can we have a do over?

Sorry if i've beeen blunt, but in the midst of an ongoing A( and it is if he still has contact in any form), you need to be very precise in following both the letter and intent of the plan. Dr H says the path is very narrow, and he is right.

All Blessings,
Jerry

I know I have made many mistakes trying to adapt Harley's methods to my own personal situation but it is truly hard to do all the right things. I am coming up on the eight week-aversary of d-day this Saturday and I am still not accepting that I am in the situation I am in. My WH was served protection order papers and divorce papers last Saturday so we have had no contact. He has reported that he is now willing to quit his job (one of my major conditions of reconcilation). We don't have a court date until this Thursday to review the standing protection order so I won't find out anything until then.

Sometimes I am certain I cannot live with the betrayal and sometimes I really miss him. (for me and the kids).

The protection order has given me a realistic depiction of what life will be like with him no longer as my husband.

I just don't know if I am making the right decision by considering divorce so quickly but in my despair it is the only thing that feels like it is a first step towards my healing.

On another train of thought, I have come to the conclusion that one of the reasons I am taking the betrayal so hard, is that I was living under some "cinderella" dream cloud all these years thinking we were perfect together and even though we may have had a few rough patches, I always considered us as a couple, a real team. Like we were in it together, no matter what happened. It is really a terrible feeling to now know that I was always really alone and should have considered myself in that capacity.

I am truly troubled that the person that I loved and trusted the most has the capacity to hurt me in such a brutal and vile way.

The root of my problem now is... if I am thinking about self-healing-- is that now I consider myself "unlovable". The love that I used to have in my life turned out to be a sham.

Next time around, I know I won't be so idealistic. I am sad about that.