Dazed: I realize that your H's problem is the "ME" syndrome. And it was/is for my H as well. The venom and hostility you are receiving from your H is his own guilt and self-hatred being projected onto you, so it's all YOUR fault, not his. My H destroyed our business with incredible expenditures on clothes (Armani, cashmere and Bruno Magli OJ shoes, salon haircuts, health club memberships, antique cars, then the 'girlfriend' on the east coast to jet-set off to see every other weekend for a couple months, plane fare, hotels, limos, flowers, dinner at NYC finest restaurants (oh my), plqaying bigshot and giving the poor waif $3,000 because she was unemployed, buying a building for manufacturing a product we haven't near the sales to support, renting an apartment, several thou on long distance, etc, etc, etc. <BR>But, in his thinking, I RUINED THE BUSINESS because I opposed his spending and fought him on the manufacturing facility blah, blah, blah. I think this is narcism at it's best, or worst, depending upon one's point of view. To top it all off, he gets the w**** pregnant and we will now be saddled with two decades of child support because of his gross selfishness of not protecting himself and our family and our financials because he "just couldn't help himself".<BR>So, since a year ago on October 25th, I have been taking all the slings and arrows, the bum-raps, the hostility, rejection, mean, vicious name-calling, threats and then the ultimate heartbreak. After the fling ended, he came home in January asking what he needed to do to come home and repair the damage. I gave him quite a laundry list and he's doen most of the required changes. He made many attempts to make good his promises between hating me one moment and loving me the next, the constant push-pull of withdrawl and picking fights and saying deliberately cruel and hurtful things to me that are etched in my mind forever.<BR>As incredible as this is, the withdrawal ended mid-June and ever since he has displayed a consistent, sincere remorse, shame, humiliation, and embarrassment for his outrageous behavior. All this happened within a span of 6 weeks and it changed everything forever. It is so strange, so weird. To have him home and happy and kind and loving again with a new maturity I have never seen before, I am bowled over. It's as if last year didn't REALLY happen, that it was some surrealistic nightmare and now we've awakened and we're all better.<BR>Don't get me wrong...he's still basically self-absorbed and it's still me, me, me...but, most of that appears to be secondary to us. Only time will tell. I know he drank again a couple weeks ago which explains the cruelty and hatefulness that one Wednesday night, but, that's been the only incident since June. I don't, won't, can't fully trust him again like I did, (I once trusted him with my life) but, I can work with him on this. I have to, I am trapped. The company is 80% mine and I am stuck with him anyway until we get out of this finanical mess he's made, so I'll take whatever kindnesses he offers until I choose to stay or go.<BR>So, bottom line, I know exactly how you feel. I was so fed up in late May, early-June, I told him "that's it, you're not worth it, I want out, pack your bags and get the h*** out." He knew I meant it and we truned a corner. He knew he could not inflict one more cruelty on me, that I didn't deserve it, that I had suffered way more than a body should have to, that I really, really wanted him out of my life and that I refused to take one more minute of his insults and crap after all he had put me through, and it scared him. He had to grow up. He had to put me first, us first and put himself on the back burner if he wanted what we had. He thought long and hard about it, read my post "My Once in a Lifetime" and was, impacted greatly by it. He said the power of the written word gave him pause to concentrate on what I had been saying all along but didn't absorb it until he saw it, read it. It helped that he read it after i had told him I couldn't, wouldn't take it anymore and I wanted out and left for the weekend for him to be alone and stew.<BR>I truly believe that your H and my H are the same person. I told my H that I found him to be a coward incapable of taking responsibility for his own actions and needing a scapegoat to blame in order to feel good about himself, that he lacked character and integrity and that I was disappointed in him, that he wasn't that special or handsome or smart or great in bed to warrant the prima-donna treatment and have carte blanche to treat other human beings with hearts and souls with such blantant cruelty as if they do not matter...who the he** did he think he was anyway? putting on that laughable dog and pony show for the slut in NY and having our industry look at him and his business dealings shaking their heads and wondering what he's smoking. I mean it was ludicrous, a joke, an embarrassment to me as well.<BR>He was a selfish, self-absorbed spoiled immature child with nothing to offer anyone yet demanding the world to satisfy his stupid, vapid desires. He was trying to be something he's not and blaming me for not getting his heart's desire all the while sabotaging the one thing that would eventually give him peace and satisfaction. But that requires patience and not expecting immediate gratification. Oh man, I got off on one mean tangent, this is your thread, too, Dazed, and I crashed your party and vented. Whew, it felt good, though. I am sorry. I'll start a thread for you to crash <BR>Just remember when you've truly had enough, and are truly sick of it and refuse to take it for one more moment, sometimes dramatic changes take place. They either leave forever or they come to their senses. I'm storming the heavens for you, Dazed.

What is SNORP? A nasal spray? My H claims he has been unable sleep for years (although he doesn't have to worry about it now) because I snore. He does too, and when he's been drinking its like a freight train. However, when I go for visits when he moves, I'd like not to be snoring.

SNORP is over the counter at any pharmacy. It comes on a little bottle and you turn it upside down into a juice glass and let about six drops fall into the glass. Then you fill the glass with warm water and gargle six times for 10 to 20 seconds each time. I think it shrinks some of the tissue inside the mouth and throat. I no longer snore, I purr like a kitten. It works for me. ZZZZZZZ

hi d&c,<BR>How is the boy behaving today? I say that with tongue in cheek ya know!! I could not help myself after reading how he blatantly tried to make you argue. <BR>Try the snorp, some say it works. Or just ignore it and let him deal with it. He is not going to get any sympathy from me on this one!!<BR>Have a great weekend, cl

He hasn't complained since. And he's been sawing logs like mad the last two nights.<P>I've told him the last two nights that I'll give him a head start on falling asleep and I'll come up later.<P>He insists it's not necessary. I have a CT sinus scan scheduled for Tuesday. He says I should cancel it, that we can't afford treatment right now (my medical plan is changing November 1). <P>I can't win.<P>Turns out his boss is in nutjob mode again; that's probably where this came from. But I'm tired of him taking it out on me.<P>I'm going to go for the CT scan, but I do not want surgery. I am terrified of anesthesia. I've never been in a hospital in my life, and I won't go for this. I'll try the SNORP, if I can find it. Drugstore.com doesn't have it. Where should I look for it?

My H nudges me awake last night and says, will go let the cat in? (We have three) I say groggily "why?". He says its making a racket outside the window. I say "I don't hear anything." He said, "You're right, now that you're awake the sound stopped." Dirty look from H. I must have fallen right back asleep. He verified this today.<P>So did I or didn't I make cat sounds? Now I'm even nutty in my sleep.

FL&H,<BR> Why is it, that when men wake up in the night, they insist on waking their wives to do something that they could do perfectly well themselves?<BR> IMHO, if the cat <B>had</B> been making noises outside your window, it seems like it wouldn't be much more trouble to let the cat in than to wake you up.<BR> This is something I've been puzzling over for a long time. My H has awakened me to go let the dogs in after <B>he</B> was the one who forgot to let them back in before he came to bed!