Ok - I am at my wits end. I am a 38yo mother of two - DD is 1 and DS is 2 months old. My DH is 34 and has a massive drinking problem that has really manifested itself since my daughter was born and has intensified since my son made his entrance. We have one vehicle between us and he has been disappearing and staying gone until the wee hours of the morning. He turns off his phone so that he can't be reached, which scares me the most becasue if the kids get sick, I am going to have to call an ambulance to get them care. He calls before making his appearance back home, proclaiming how sorry he is and how he knows he has a problem and expects me to be forgiving. I have had my fill. Since our marriage, he has effectively ruined my credit, trashed my car - yes the car is mine - and done nothing to help me raise our two precious babies, other than act like he is father of the year when we are out. I am a professional woman with a college dgree and this man is doing nothing to better our situation, because every time he goes out, he doesn't go to work the next day(he is a carpenter and works for his best friend) I love him, but I don't love what he is doing to me or our children. I have started filling out the paperwork for my divorce-which is my second-and I just want to know from any of you out there, if you have had this situation and if there was any saving of your marriage or was the only option to get out while you could?

Can you get his friends and family to do an intervention?

Can you get to Al-Anon meetings? What are you doing to heal yourself from this?

My husband is a recovering addict (not an alcoholic). Our marriage is 1000 times better that what it was, and he's only 20 months sober.

However, he wanted to quit. Unfortunately, nothing will ever get better until the addict decides for him/herself that they are ready for sobriety and recovery. There are things you can do to help-setting and sticking to boundaries-for them to get to their bottom, but that's still no guarentee.

Al-Anon would be a great start. I'm sure with only one vehicle this may be difficult though. Be creative and find a way!

I would also recommend, next time he calls you when he's been out drinking, that you call the police and tell them your H is drunk and on his way home. They can meet him in your driveway and promptly take him to jail for the night. This insanity of him drinking & driving MUST end. It will also give a judge the opertunity to court order him to AA. Talk about intervention, and you can do this all on your own.
Your H is going to take an innocent persons life if you allow him to continue his destructive behavior without consequences.

Your H is a drunk/alcoholic, he will not stop without hitting a bottom. How soon he hits his bottom can be helped along by the actions I mentioned above. The more negative consequences, the sooner he reaches his bottom and asks for the help he needs to get and stay sober.

You might want to read about PLAN B to protect yourself from his destructive behaviors and personality. He is abusing YOU as well as alcohol.

I can more likely get his friends than his family. They just say they have talked to him until they are blue in the face and leave it at that. I think an intervention would work if they would get on board. Both his dad and stepdad have been to rehab and they are better for it.