I do believe you are right, AnySuggestions will probably not be back to post. She seems a little on the sneeky side........I doubt H is even aware she is posting on this board.

As if I haven't had enough crap to deal with lately, I just found out I probably have breast cancer and am going for a mamogram first thing tomorrow. I am very scared, please find it in your heart to say a prayer for me. Thanks!

don't be scared,,easier said then done. Usually the lumps and bumps they see are just that, lumps of debris.
2nd, if, God for bid it is, there is so much now, its not the death sentence it use to be, not even close. Breast cancer survivors are everywhere, thats the good news.
Hang tough, k?

I got to tell you has a FOW/oc that has NC.......I can't believe you just threw that little child's life in a up roar like that! I can't believe you got your children involved in it. I'm sorry and I've been here for a LONG time on this site I pray to GOD that the OW hides that letter from her child ever finding it, throws it away but ONLY after she takes that letter to an attorney to make sure your husband is never able to have rights to that child other than paying child support. If it were me and I'm actually a NICE FOW that stays away far far way from xmm and his family but if it were me that was getting that letter, I'd high tail to my attorney and have him file a motion in court, and it would be a cold day in H*ll before your husband would see that child without going through hoops with the courts just to say hi for a little while with a supervised visatation.

What makes you think that your husband is not going to go behind your back again to see his child? Tell the ow it was all YOU why he sent that letter?

If this child does come looking for your husband later on how can you possibly explain that letter signed by the entire family to him/her? Talk about abondment issues and self eteem issues. I'm sorry all I can think about is this oc. I'm not saying that contact is the way to go here, I'm just saying how you and your husband handled it. :MrEEk:

Oh my :MrEEk: I thought the first letter was bad.......but then this one????

I don't normally get in trouble here on this board but I may today........all I can say IS OMG! I'm speachless anyone who knows me can you believe that one??? Me speacless?

Are you happy now? Please tell me your husband did not sent either one of those letters! Please tell me.

AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!

HMof2, you are in my prayers and thoughts {{{{{{{{{{ }}}}}}}}}}

Hurtmomof2-
I wanted to send you a PM but somehow it's not working. I just want to say that I saw several of your responses to post and I have to say...I think you always nail it right. You seem to have a very good sense of judgement of situations. Can you please take a look at my post and let me know what yea think? Thanks a lot!

To the original poster, I am sorry that you are going through this. You will be in my prayers and thoughts. Just one thing I'd like to add. I feel soo deeply hurt that there's an innocent child who's involve at this. Poor kid.

PM's are disabled on MB due to it being considered a bad idea in a forum full of vulnarable people looking to save their marriages.

I just read that letter that was for the OC. That was VERY mean. I told my husband just now that if he was to do this to me, I'd cut off his manhood. But I am in no position or even have the heart or that strong to allienate a child. Poor kid! This world is cruel and I can almost guarantee you that that child will not grow up normally. Mistakes were mad. Yes, time to move on. But do we need to see blood here? This is my honest opinion and hope I don't get stoned for this. I am with you MOMhurtof2!

I wish I had seen this post sooner! I just couldn't get over it. My heart aches for that innocent boy. And yes, I think your family are putting too much blame on the OW and OC. My suggestion is, soften your heart and direct this wrath to your H instead. Why is he being treated like a victim? Furthermore, I don't believe that this is just HIS idea. I think you and your children came up with this letter. If he wanted to be this cruel and mean to this poor boy, he would have done that a long time ago. But he is just now trying to come clean and be mean to satisfy YOU and your children after the affair was revealed. Hope this makes sense. Please have mercy. Jesus would forgive you. Can you do the same? God said.."VENGENCE IS THE LORDS"..

I don't think any human being has the right to treat another human being like this especially a child.!!!

You are a bunch of ------ -- people! I've been with my husband since I was 14. Almost 30 years. There is such a thing as FATAL ATTRACTION.

My children are old enough to feel the PAIN of what has happened here. If the children were younger they wouldn't really get it. Now that they are grown adults, they feel the pain even more. What matters now is US! Not the OW or the OC. At some point you have to draw the line.

Writing the letter was the best thing that has happend so far. The OW gets it! FINALLY! It's freedom for all of us.

I had a hard life and so did my husband. We can't control the destiny we have. All we can do is try to deal with it.

The universe will always look out for us. I definitely don't call it GOD!

Good luck to you all. You can judge me all you want. I don't judge you.

MOVE ON.

"""""""The universe will always look out for us."""""""""

that's called KARMA. and you need to be careful not to let it bite you in the backside

quite frankly i am again shocked by your attitude. and i may very well be one of "those _______ people". but i like the company.

with your h going behind your back for nearly 10 years you say """"OW gets it! FINALLY""""""". sounds like your h was doing his part in keeping her involved.

"""My children are old enough to feel the PAIN of what has happened here. If the children were younger they wouldn't really get it. Now that they are grown adults, they feel the pain even more"""""

your children are also "old enough" to face and understand the reality's of life. and that reality is they should consider "their" father a failure and a J-E-R-K.

any man (and that term is used loosely) that can have a relationship with "HIS" son for TEN years and then just walk away with a letter like that is far from a good father or a positive roll model. your kids should be ashamed of his actions.

""""""""I had a hard life and so did my husband""""""'

i am sorry that the 2 of you had such a "HARD" life. but quite frankly you are not alone in that and it doesn't give you the right to make life hard on anyone else.

i would think that after "having a hard life" you and your h would make every effort to see to it that ALL his offspring had a better one.

"""""""""It's freedom for all of us"""""""

i highly doubt it. i see the reality is that you will be looking over your shoulder for many years to come. wondering whether your h is SNEAKING more visits with oc when he is away and wondering whether oc will walk back into your life in 5, 10, 15 years down the road.

the truth is you can try and stick your head in the sand but the reality's of your h's illicit actions will always be in your rearview mirror.

"you don't call it God", "you can't control your destiny" and "the universe will look out for us"

WOW. now i see why such a letter fits YOUR needs.

one more question. since i take it that God does not play a part of your beliefs why would you capitalize His name?

"your children are also "old enough" to face and understand the reality's of life. and that reality is they should consider "their" father a failure and a J-E-R-K.

any man (and that term is used loosely) that can have a relationship with "HIS" son for TEN years and then just walk away with a letter like that is far from a good father or a positive roll model. your kids should be ashamed of his actions.

""""""""I had a hard life and so did my husband""""""'

i am sorry that the 2 of you had such a "HARD" life. but quite frankly you are not alone in that and it doesn't give you the right to make life hard on anyone else.

i would think that after "having a hard life" you and your h would make every effort to see to it that ALL his offspring had a better one."

My parents wanted us to not to go without the way they did. They worked for us and on us so as the next generation would have it better.

I am sorry that the damage your WH has caused and the length of time he has done it for has turned you into this kind of person. I genuinely hope you get some peace from you're actions because you have paid such a high price for it.
I had a childhood with a paedophile and wife beater for a step father BUT because of this I am stronger because of this I would never purposely cause any child physical or mental harm. I don't blame any of my actions on that because I will not let my past control my future.
In my situation i accept my WHs part in our current situation, my WH lied for years about the details but all contact etc stopped instantly. He slept with OW twice and that was the only contact he had. You know what you're WH has done i don't need to repeat it and you derserve so much better, you and OW are fighting against each other and WH is sitting back and watching. I just hope he doesn't go behind your back again to see OC and continue to make you look like the bad one in all of this.
Finally we will still be here if things go wrong again but I wish you all the luck in one day having an honest and faithful relationship.

While I agree with the letter to the OW whole heartedly, the letter to the CHILD was unnecessary and cruel.

As for the company here...at least I am with people that didn't INTENTIONALLY harm a 10 year old.

Since your children are older and supposidly TRULY understand, it is clear that they are yet another set of people that were not taught the lesson of compassion for those that are more helpless.

I DO realize the marriage comes first.

I agree.

I do not, however, believe that means crushing other people's kids.

I hope OW finds a REAL father for her son, instead of the genetic donor the poor kid got STUCK with because of the insanity that BOTH his parents foisted upon him for 10 years.

He JUST AS MUCH A VICTIM of your husband and the OW as YOU AND YOUR KIDS ARE.

I for one am PROUD of the company I keep on this board. Never in my life have I encountered such compassion and loving people in the face of this horror in my life. I would never, never condone what your H did. He was the boy's "father" for 10 years and then to write a vulnerable child such a cruel letter. We have other betrayed's that found out 16 or even 18 years after the fact that their H had a child with someone else. Yet, they have approached their pain in a manner that still held compassion for the child.

My H has a near 4 y/o OC that he has continued C with behind my back. Do you honestly think I would force him to go NC with that child after he knows my H as his father? Of course not. I only require NC with OW.

I hope and pray that your H becomes a real man someday.

Give me a break!! How can you say a 25 year old would be in more pain about OC than an actual child would feel about it? He can't be very mature if he's jealous of a 10 year old boy.

So you sent your letters? Good for you. I hope you are all proud of yourselves for crushing a little boy's heart.

***EDIT**** What your H and your family did was WRONG! Letter to the OW? Fine, that's acceptable.

Letter to the OC? nasty, cruel and hateful. Unacceptable and not necessary. ****EDIT***** We have all told you what we thought. You went ahead and did what you wanted to anyway (your choice) but a poor one at that.

Just remember one thing.........what goes around, comes around.

Oh gee.. where have I been? I totally missed out. Been busy the past two days and didn't check this thread.

*********EDIT*****I would be asking for forgiveness if I was you. THERE IS A GOD! I promise you that.

And been with your husband since you were 14? Gee..I was a kid and barely knew anything about boys when I was 14. Didn't have my first kiss until I was 19. So I guess I cannot relate what's it's like to be in a relationship at that VERY young age and to be with someone for that long.

I think YOU ARE IN DENIAL! You may think you can ignore this now, but you just wait. This will come back and hunt you someday if you don't make this right. You want to take the quickest, fastest escape from your problems, Tell yea what--this one is NOT the right way!

Poor kid. ****EDIT*****

Just because you are hurt and you feel like a victim, you get to destroy this poor kid's life?? I think you have manipulated your husband TO MAKE THIS DECISION! He was seeing this kid for TEN YEARS and all of a sudden, you found out, now he's dropping the kid like a hot potato! I totally think that it's YOU who plot this whole thing out. Oh yea..you had a hard life? And so did a lot of people.. Newsflash, you're not alone on this! I think this is completely BS and loaded of selfishness! I'll leave this one up to KARMA! How do you sleep at night anyway? *rolling my eyes*

You have alot to learn along with everybody else on this site.

Your marriage is young and so are you. You can't relate? EXACTLY! Don't judge me or others unless you've walked a mile in our shoes. It definitel hasn't been quick! There has been alot you don't know.

MY FAMILY IS MORE IMPORTANT THANT THE OW OR OC. You may all think I've manipulated this or that. You don't really know the history here. It's been over 10 years of things you can't even imagine.

She hasn't bothered us and the OC sent a very cute Thanksgiving greeting.

My H is going to write as promised.

Don't judge unless you REALLY know all of the facts.

It's IMPOSSIBLE to let you know everthing that has gone down. Please don't judge somebody unless you really know.

I am assuming you have not yet sent that letter to oc. That is why you received the "cute" thanksgiving card. May God have mercy on your husband's soul for this.

It's wrong and I'm not young and have lived life. I also lived through a cheating husband. SO I've walked both sides of this. :MrEEk: Be careful with your moves because for every action there is a REACTION.

Is your name Susan? According to your siggy that's your name. May god have mercy on your soul. I maybe young and don't have THAT kind of experience like you do/did, but I can tell you that I do NOT need to be your age, and do not need to be in your situation to see the different of what's right and wrong. Sweety, from what it sound here and from what I can see, it's you who has a lot to learn. So please, take your comment back and apply it to yourself. YOU HAVE A LOT TO LEARN yourself as well. I am hoping and praying that by the time I am 40 or 50, I have better judgment and have learned a lot of things. There's that saying that age is just a number. I think people can be at any age and yet still act, foolish and immature. If you know what I mean.

I commented about not being able to relate on what's it's like to be in a relationship at such young age (14) because I personally think that 14 is very young. That's all. I hope to god and pray that if I have a daugther, she will at least wait a few years before she even thinks about being with a boy. Hope this make sense. And maybe the fact that you enter into a relationship at such young age might've change your way of thinking and have contributed to your attributes of personality? I don't know, I am just ruling out every possible reason out there why you are and have make this decisions that you have.

I know that your family comes first, but if it means destroying this little boy's life, that's all that matter to you?

And you know what, I think there are people out there that gets judged by society everyday. People that are downright mean, sick, and bad. I can tell you this right now, I don't know ALL the fact about what happen to Jeffrey Dahmer and why he did what he did. I didn't know him nor did I know ALL THE fact nor did I walk in his shoes. But I can tell you this, I AM GOING TO JUDGE HIM ACCORDINGLY and truthfully. I am going to lay my judgment that the guy was sick and in fact a bad person. I don't know him. And you may say that I don't have a right to judge him or my judgment had no basis because I WAS not there. Are you getting my point here?

I don't need to be in those people's shoes or in the same situation or know them well to judge them. I hope this makes sense. I can say the same thing to all kinds of people out there who are bad, selfish, and immature. I don't need to know a thieft to judge him that he's a thief!

I hope I was able to give some insight. Please re-consider for the sake of this little boy!

Furthermore, yes, my marriage is young and I am young. But it doesn't mean that every person out there who's older than me and has an older marriage than me is IS ALWAYS right. I rest my case!