yes Luna its who who think it is..... surprise surprise.....


keep your chin up and move forward..... I know you can do it ...


Happyinokla (aka hurtinginokla)

THIS MORNING, I seem to be struggling a bit with...life in general...while at the same time...not in a crisis mode, either!

...just a general malaise which I hope can either 'go away' by itself (wishful thinking :RollieEyes:), or that just sharing with you might do the trick and get me moving to DO...whatever :crosseyedcrazy:...might hit the spot...

I can't seem to shake a feeling of being TIRED...

I am trying really hard not to worry so much about ANYTHING that seems to be out of my control...and focus on putting energy into what I can DO.

Next, I am going to be realistic, and focus on what I can DO today ONLY...and be happy and proud of myself for THAT!

...but really wanting to just, temporarily, get this WEIGHT off my shoulders just for a bit... forget ALL responsibilities...

Let's see...getting a MENTAL picture of lying somewhere on a beautiful warm (not hot!) sunny day on a beautiful sandy beach...a blue sky and a clear blue sea with shade provided by beautiful palm trees ...being served all meals....I know...a real CLICHE if ever I heard of one!

You know what? This reminds me of a film I recently watched with Leonardo di Caprio called just that...THE BEACH.... brrrrr...... it starts out as life in PARADISE that turned to....HELL! at the end....

....yeah...that's what ILLUSIONS are.....paradise that turns to hell!

I will just stick and appreciate my little old 'ordinary' life, warts and all!

Travelling MENTALLY.....it's as cheap as it gets...LOL!

Morning Luna,

I see your having a struggle of a morning. {{{{{{{{HUGS LUNA}}}}}}}

We have so many expectations on ourselves, especially the insidious ones. They hit us from behind a few days earlier, we brush them off and then poof, one morning we are struggle for peace, serenity, clarity and simply just have it end.

Wow, you just helped me with something regarding my food, thank you so much.

I wonder if it's just that wave again, that our emotions go through. If there is just a plain cycle that our hearts continue to grieve from and when we hit these modes if we are at a different level in the process.

Or we aren't talking to G-d enough and he is reaching out to us and asking us to tell him "HERE WE ARE", can you help me.

Please know I am around all day, it's Halloween, H's birthday and since I won't be celebrating it with him, I can celebrate with my closet friends and support.

Hi Queenie,

Sorry about you having to deal with an inevitable reminder of your WS!


Sounds like you're working hard.

On my end, as expected, I did survive the day

Hugs and kisses from you? Who can ask for anything more.

DS12 had some friends over for Halloween night...went 'around' with them...he really enjoyed his night.

WS sighting. He came to 'pick up' stuff from the basement. Too tired to make a Big Deal out of it.... :RollieEyes: OH? That may be the trick? :crosseyedcrazy: ... being too tired to care..LOL!

Take care.

: for QUEENIE!

Hey Luna,

Just dropping in to say hi and that I am thinking of you.

Hope all is as good as it can be for you this weekend.

Hi CL,

Thanks for the thought.

I have been away for a few days (no access to computer). Last Friday my brother called saying my Dad was doing really poorly and didn't know if you would make it through the night. I took a bus Saturday and I just got back. Even though my Dad is no longer able to eat, I guess he's fighting the inevitable...enough to 'stabilize' his condition. I am back on 'stand-by'.

oh....by the way. Today is also my birthday. I will try and 'celebrate' somehow...although when over 50...birthdays seem to come up quicker and I can't seem to keep the years straight...LOL!

Will try to catch up and see how some of you are doing.

Happy Birthday to YOU

Happy BIRTHDAY to YOU

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR DEAR LUNA

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET LUNA....

Thank you, Queenie. So sweet of you.

I love you. Time after time, you have walked me through some of the darkest points in my life.

I will not ever allow myself to not be there for you during your struggles or tough days.

Happy Birthday sweet one.....

You are so loved and important to us.

Update.

I have been back 3 days.

My Dad has passed away, and today am taking the day-bus-ride back to be with family.

DS12, although had just started his week back with me is, a bit reluctantly, going back to stay at his Dad's...WS is 'covering for me', and for that I am grateful.

I am looking forward to being back with family...with my mom and my brother and others, supporting each other...

Yes....triggering time... guess who I THOUGHT for a very long time, would be there to share these difficult times? ....and so, the sadness and pain meter is slightly higher because of it....but I will survive!

...this, too, will pass.

It's good to have friends here with whom I can share yet another very painful event in my life...strangely though, because it's one that is considered 'part of the cycle of life'...it is not as painful as those that are....unexpected! :RollieEyes:

Yes, I do feel sadness for the loss, and yet I also feel relieved that my Dad is no longer suffering...and eventually we will learn to 'celebrate' his presence in our lives and be able to tell stories and share memories...

...I doubt it will involve shame, embarassment...and ...it will certainly never feel like a 'knife being twisted in your heart!'

...and you all what I am talking about!

...so, I will be off the Board for a few days.

Take care everyone.

{{{luna}}} I'm so sorry.

so sorry about your father

Update.

I am back after almost a week with family and friends to say goodbye to my Dad.

I feel emotionally exhausted.

It's hard coming back knowing that there is yet another challenge to take up...that I temporarily put off.... proceeding with Plan D with a WS...

I expect WS to start putting some pressure 'legally' to finalize it...

Right now I don't know where I will find the energy...

I feel a little lost.

I am not sure what I am feeling right now.

I do know that some rest can't hurt...so maybe I will start off with that.

Missed you guys.

Looking forward to catching up with some of your threads and see how you are doing.

So sorry to hear about your dad. Mine died last year 11/28, and I still think about him everyday.

Welcome Back,

I for one sure missed you. There really isn't anything I can say that will take the pain away. Though I do believe it was you who said, when you share it, it gets dispersed.

Saying goodbye to a loved one is an opportunity to make peace and finality, and yet it's so hard and sad at the same time. In time like with all pain, it changes and subsides in it's only way, through time.

But the going through part is just crap....

I think rest is the absolute best and most healthiest thing to do and jsut talk to G-d and ask him for the next indicated step.

WH is there, he can push, but we don't need to REACT or respond until WE are READY and in the frame of mind to take them on.

You have taught me so often to just keep walking once toe at a time and that this too shall pass. We are here for you... Every toe of the way.

Hi B,


I am not surprised...

I wonder, though, if and how feelings change over time when we think and miss them...

Right now I feel a little....lost...

I know that we all need to be prepared and expect to do without our parents at some point in our lives...

...and at some level, having seen him suffer, I am glad he is no longer suffering even though it now means he is...GONE!

So it's a real mixed bag of feelings:

...knowing that there is one less IMPORTANT person on earth who really cared about what happens to you and rooting for you....

...one less person with whom to share long-term memories...

...one less person whose presence helped me to NOT GIVE IN/UP on life

...another LOSS to grieve.... when I haven't really yet gotten over, and with which I am still struggling, that of my S and family!

...and so, yes, I do wonder....where oh where am I going to get to strength to pull through it all...

...and yet I do hear the little voice inside of me...more often than before....that tells me that somehow...I WILL... just to let it go....for today....as I have done enough....for today!

...tonight, though...I won't deny it...I AM struggling....

...and this is the place I come...to try and TURN it around...

so, thanks for dropping by, B.

Luna

Hi Queenie,

Thanks for the welcome.


yep...you said it, Queenie.


Right now....I don't know what else or where else I can go, withink myself, to find the energy to continue dealing with life AND a WS.... so much so....part of me actually says...just give WS all he is asking for, fair or unfair, it will at least get WS quicker out of my life...(which I know one day I would regret and kick myself for doing, nor will WS ever be totally OUT of my life....with the boys to share)

....so badly, do I want some peace...some relief from the burdens....

...I guess I will have to wait and see how I feel during the next few days.... how temporary this is....because the energy to ACT is just not there right now...

OTOH...losing a parent is not an everyday thing either...it can't be far from the top as one the most IMPORTANT, CHANGING events in one's life... and certainly not one considered to be a pleasant one to live through....part of the 'cycle of life' or not....

Luna,

I'm so sorry for your loss. We are all here to support you, so please continue to post. The burdens can get us down at times, but at some point we get back up and are ready to face things again. We will help you get there.

Thanks for hugs, SD.

Hi CL,


Thanks for the support and reminder, CL.

Well...I certainly agree with you...if there is one thing we have learned around here is that somehow we do 'bounce back' and I am actually counting on it. It's about the one comforting thing we can say for sure...that with a bit of good intention, we winds do shift....

Right now, I am totally DONE! Going to my parents, one way, is a day's bus ride.... and this was my third trip in a month...

I am going to bed, and will try to think of things to be thankful for, I KNOW I have them...so just need to start by reminding myself...and might as well 'put out' there some of my worries and problems...and hopefully my mind will start to work on some of them 'overnight'!

Already thinking about it...

...my 4-day stay was quite productive... and with a lot of help from my brother, mom feels she has no regrets and feels she did the best she could to support dad....even his final 'send off'....

...had about a 1/2 day free, and decided to visit and surprise a cousin who has mental health issues and has been taking medication for it for over twenty years, who lives alone and who has very few if no friends!....and with whom my brother and I try and stay in 'contact'.... unfortunately we don't have a lot of time to devote to him... but he appreciates a lot the very little we are able to do, and I guess we manage to show him enough that we care about him and can count on us...it was clear that my visit had MADE his day! ...and yes, I do worry about him!

The boys let me know they had....missed me and were happy to see me!... and it's cold and wet outside, and I am inside and dry...chitchatting to friends....

...since I am sitting here yawning my head off...might as well go off to bed...cuddle up to my...pillow and try to get some rest....and tomorrow I will be able to sleep-in as I have taken an extra day off work...

hummm....life is already sounding much sweeter...now, I just need to keep it up!

(((((((((((((((((((MB FRIENDS)))))))))))))))))