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Alright, I will. I'm just afraid that I will be chasing her back to him if she is gone from him.
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Alright, I will. I'm just afraid that I will be chasing her back to him if she is gone from him. If she has established NC w/ him, then she will never know you called his W. If she finds out, then you know she hasn't established NC. AND you also know his W will be watching OM on her end, while you watch your W on yours.
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Alright, I will. I'm just afraid that I will be chasing her back to him if she is gone from him. I understand this mate but trust me, she'll have hundreds of reasons to go back to him if she wants them. Talking with OM'sW WILL be very positive for you. It's often the final nail in the fantasy of the affair. It will cause GOOD conflict. And most of all it's the right thing to do and his wife has a right to the truth about her life.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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That is the thing that prolongs affair activity...the BS's fear. She's ALREADY wayward, she's already mad. What you've done already hasn't helped.
You cannot "chase" her back. She could choose to go back, regardless of what you do. Remember, she's not exactly coming to you for advice on how to life her life at the moment, is she?
Just the same, she isn't in the best frame of mind to do the right thing now. YOU are in charge of Plan A, its carrot and its stick.
Me BS 61
Him FWS 63
Married 40 years
D-Day 6/30/06
Still can't believe it.
6/08 Recovering nicely. Anything is possible!
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Marsh is right - you and OM's W comparing notes makes it hard for them to break NC. Very hard.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Half to agree contacting the OM's wife is the right thing to do...
bigkahona, I wanted to ask you a private question but was unable to send it it do you know how we can link?? stillcommitted
Me BS 54
XWW 51 Divorce final 1/9/12
DS26 DS24 Twin DD's22 Married 29years
D-dates No1 01/2007, No2 08/2008(ongoing)
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Last edited by bigkahuna; 11/16/08 02:17 AM.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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 How did you know?
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Chuckt14,
Also, do not tell your wife about this site!
By the way, you're getting some GREAT advice.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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I tried to call OM wife this morning but it was disconnected. So I went to the=ier house, I knocked but I was afraid of what I might do if he answered so I left. I do have an 11 year old son to think about. I wish that my wife would have. I thank you all for the advice, and I will do my best to go forward with plan a. All of your advice has definately made it easier this morning. Should I call her boss?
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I tried to call OM wife this morning but it was disconnected. So I went to the=ier house, I knocked but I was afraid of what I might do if he answered so I left. I do have an 11 year old son to think about. I wish that my wife would have. I thank you all for the advice, and I will do my best to go forward with plan a. All of your advice has definately made it easier this morning. Should I call her boss? What are you afraid of? OM is the one who should BE frightened of YOU! Do you know where OM's W works? Can you go to her office to talk to her there? Don't give up on telling her. She deserves to know and can HELP YOU!!!!
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chuck,
Earlier you said that OM has been fired and is no long a coworker of your WW. I can't see what their employer could do under the circumstances. You must expose to the people who could help you bring pressure on the affair! Try to locate and expose to HIS WIFE.
Apart from that, have you been able to control your crying, breaking down in front of her? You need to work on that ASAP. You must be in charge of yourself, your emotions and your behavior. Must act like a man with a PLAN.
How you doing?
Right Here Waiting
Me BS 61
Him FWS 63
Married 40 years
D-Day 6/30/06
Still can't believe it.
6/08 Recovering nicely. Anything is possible!
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Hi this is chucks mom....do you think I should go the the OM wife and tell her about the A?
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Hi, this is chuck's mom. Do you think I should go to the OM wife & tell her about the A?
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Yes you should. Have proof.
I don't know if Chuck is afraid of the OM being there and confronting him. If so, it is better that SOMEBODY tell the wife.
I went to my ex's OW's house, and she was home. I asked to speak to her husband, and did. But I don't advise that for men. A man might end up in jail.
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Hi, this is chuck's mom. Do you think I should go to the OM wife & tell her about the A? It only matters that she be told. She could be a good ally for your son. Chuck and her can compare notes to be sure they both have the full truth. They can also compare their whereabouts if they thing they are breaking NC.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Hi this is chucks mom....do you think I should go the the OM wife and tell her about the A? Absolutely! I applaud your support of Chuck.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Chuck needs to expose OMW, and fire his councelor.
One phone call to the Harley's will benefit him more then all he has done with this bozo he is using.
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Hi, this is chuck's mom. Do you think I should go to the OM wife & tell her about the A? No, I don't agree. This is chuck's problem to handle and he is recieving good advise by many vets. It is not his Mom's perogative to take control of saving his M. I understand the pain you feel for your son, but if Chuck is to be attractive and appealing to his WW again, it should be his efforts to save the M that have a lasting effect on his WW. Chuck's Mom, There are many of us here who wish we had a Mom like you, but this is Chuck's M to save or not. God bless you though  . All Blessings, Jerry
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Chuck,
I think you showed good judgement leaving the OM's house...
That kind of close quarter contact with the OM in your present state can be volatile !!! and you want to live to fight another day !!!
If you are going to put yourself in a position to confront him you have to be beyond sure of your self-control....( it would be a challenge to work on your marriage in its' present state from jail)
Besides that is not your goal!!!! With your Mom's help or some other way you can find a way to speak to the OM's wife. Maybe you can catch her dropping her kids off at school or going into her work....
There is a way.... and she will need time to digest what you are telling her. She will have questions and probably want details and proof
She should know everything you know...
Hang in there......
Me BS 54
XWW 51 Divorce final 1/9/12
DS26 DS24 Twin DD's22 Married 29years
D-dates No1 01/2007, No2 08/2008(ongoing)
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