There is no ORDER, however, if she doesn't respond in a timely manner, the other side could file a motion for sanctions. Discovery is part of the litigation process-- thought up by attorneys I'm sure. But she only has to respond, not necessarily produce.

Like I said before, you can't be made to produce what you don't have. Copies of checks? You don't have them so you can't produce them. You are not expected to create them or to go get them. If you don't have them, then his attorney has the option of subpoening the records directly from the bank.

I DOUBT it will go that far. This was the first shot-- flooding her with discovery requests and it's just routine stuff. The five years is not significant, it's just standard in those kinds of requests.

Even though you sent the letter Chai, don't drop the ball on the legal stuff. It can come back and bite you in the [censored]. You can tell your attorney to ask for extensions, etc. but he most DEFINITELY needs to make the same requests from your WH.

Oh, I agree, PM. She needs to respond, not necessarily produce, in a timely manner.

Are you in a fault state, Chai? If not, then his accusations mean squat. They were designed to hurt you and that's it.

And if so, his adultery trumps the rest, IMHO.

I know it is hard, but try not to take it to heart. The man is fighting to hang onto his justifications for his own actions - they really are not a reflection of you.

Respond in a calm reasonable manner - it will magnify his unreasonableness.


Fox

And it never hurts for them to be 'found out'.

Just getting caught up as well. Something wildhorses said resonated with me:


Put this another way - give him enough rope and he'll hang himself with it. He's already tying the noose.

I know my WxH did this. He was responding to ME and fighting against ME. He did not put his best foot forward to the judge. Some of the things he said in reaction to me were an obvious tightening of the noose on his neck.

I actually said some GOOD things about him in regards to DDs and he contradicted me, just for the sake of disagreeing with me. :RollieEyes:

Be yourself and talk TO the judge. Conduct yourself with class and dignity.

Fox

Hey, CL. It's been a while since I thought about Jennifer letters. I dug around in my thread and came up with this:


Not sure if that's the one you're thinking about. I might have something else I sent via email, but I don't really like going through the 'sent' mailbox, because there are some ugly exchanges in there.

I haven't thought about constructing one of these letters in a while, but I think I remember the gist of them if you want more input. I think it's a good idea, CL, but you have to be ready for continued waywardness and what that will feel like.

Aw geeze guys...now I'm having second thoughts about sending the letter. Do you think it's still waywardness? Even though Dd swears they aren't together anymore? Maybe I should just see the response from the book and wait on the letter. I half expect my Dd to call and say that dad did not want your stinkin' book. Then I'll know.

Luna, did you ever regret extending the hand only to get it slapped again? I guess part of me hopes that if I get it slapped too many times I'll not care anymore.

Fox - I live in a no-fault state. My atty has told me that the judge won't care about the A etc. WH even had in there that he supported me through school for my MBA. Well, not exactly true. He supported us while I got my undergrad (3 yrs), but I did it while pregnant and then caring for a newborn at the same time. I worked full time the entire 5 years I worked on the MBA. That was all 20+ years ago. And yes, he will probably do what your xWH did in court. It is soooo like him.

Thanks to everyone else for the feedback. I think I'll write the letter but hold it until I see what (if any) response I get on the book. Even though I expected all of this, I'm not sure why it hit me so hard yesterday. I guess seeing it in writing smacked me with the reality of the situation.

Thanks for the letter SD. You write good ones.....

Bummed - - was thinking about stash acquisition....may have to reschedule every stinking thing I might ever want to buy. I could do with eating pizza with another knitter.

I bet he wouldn't read your book if he thought he would get paid to do so. Just a wh thing.







I just came from the ENT's office. After doing all the hearing tests, again, they have decided I have a mild to moderate hearing loss. It's logical to go ahead and do hearing aids before I lose any more of my hearing. For some reason, not having to work as hard to hear keeps you from losing your hearing as fast. He thinks it's probably hereditary.

Yeah, I started to feel that way, too, but the SCQ never replied that way to any of my attempts to reach out this way. They just went unanswered.

I think it's a good idea so long as you can steel yourself for the consequences. And even if the response is hurtful, wouldn't it be better to get it over with than continue to wonder?

Cinder,

Honey, you can buy all the stash you want. It's good for the soul. Come up, we'll eat pizza, ice cream, and have a knitfest.

On the hearing thing - it runs in my family too (both sides). My mom has two hearing aids, my dad's mother was really bad, and his brother and sister (and EVERY ONE of their children) have them. Somehow it passed my dad, brother and me, although my brother says he is starting to hear crickets. I've heard a few this past year too, but only when lying on my left ear. I fully expect I'll need them someday too.

WH always told me to quit talking so loud. I still do. It's just a by-product of living among so may hard of hearing family members all of your life.

My children and I all get really loud and have to tell each other to not be so loud. Maybe that's why........My mom couldn't hear well and I may have been declining.

It's not really severe....I just lose words out of sentences but not the whole sentence. Mom may have waited too long for hearing aids.....forgot how to pick out the sounds she wanted from the sounds she didn't. I don't want to wait too long. But, this is a $3,000 thing and most insurance won't pay anything to speak of.

SD,

He really has never answered my letters either. When we moved he was very hostile, then he Plan B'd me just as I Plan B'd him. As I said, he saw it as punishment and vindictiveness.

I suspect that if he takes the book, he'll grunt and throw it on the floor of his car. I doubt he'll read it. In one of my Jennifer letters, I added a link to the 31 Reasons to Stop the Affair, but I really doubt he read that either. And yes, if the response is hurtful, maybe I'll just finally accept it and start making plans for my life.

Maybe I will consider meeting the Peace Corp guy. Heck, maybe I'll join up too and go live in a hut for a couple of years. Only as long as I can take my blow drier though.

It wouldn't be very goddessy of me to say that anyone who loves you just because of your hairstyle is shallow, would it?

Well, if you saw my hair you would know that isn't the case. My blow drier takes if from bedhead to presentable, not whistle-producing. WH was prematurely gray (like in his 20s), I am 54 and have only a few gray areas.

I like color though, so I may be a redhead one day, a blonde the next, and a brunette another day. Also, I constantly change my hair from straight to curly and back again. I guess I just get bored with it. A blow drier is essential equipment to this gal.

Does that mean you haven't resigned yourself to waiting the nine years?

I've seen this guy's picture, and if I wait 9 years he may be dead.

I know I abandoned marital recovery and modified my Plan B accordingly, but it wasn't until I started "making plans for my life" that I really saw the difference in WstbxH. He was nasty like yours. But this made a difference - one I could notice with utterly minimal contact - more encounters than direct contact - and few people who saw both of us. I could really see how Plan B worked - though reconciliation wasn't for me. It could very well be that he knows deep down that you are waiting for him. The actual threat of you not being there hasn't sunk in. Maybe it's time.

You are in a hard place Chai. You are feeling as if you are making the choice to save your marriage all over again. Don't think about that for now. Choose to save yourself right now. That's what Plan B is about. Even if you decided this minute that you were done, your course of action would be the same - you would pick up the pieces of your life and make something out of them. It's the act of doing that that makes the biggest statement. What's different from an MB plan B and my plan B/D is really minor but important. I've begun to see other people and make new mistakes. Stay away from that. There's plenty of time to make mistakes if need be and nothing to gain from it. Be true to your self. Be yourself and look after yourself. Be happy in your own self - as happy as you can and if there are any doubts don't let them show. At the end of it all, regardless of how it turns out, you WILL be a happier person. You WILL. And confident and self assured. And you may have WH back or you may be one sexy hot available mama who can take her pick or leave 'em at her very bidding because nobody will even come close to her confidence and self assurance and (of course) great looks!

Tabby,

I think you are right - I feel like I have to choose to save the M all over again. Not sure why because it isn't really my choice. If it was, I would be recovered.

And yes, he knows I don't want this and he probably does think I'm here waiting. I may surprise him someday and be gone for good.

Did your H want to recover? Why did you change your mind and go for the D? Do you have a thread around here?

Hi CL,


Sorry, CL, waywardness and no OP are not exclusive :RollieEyes:


No, I don't regret it...but intention does matter...I wasn't doing it so I won't 'care anymore'...it was me wanting to make sure my position was clear...and not let WS continue thinking that this was either short-term or a form of punishment...

The few times I have though... WS chose the 'no reply' route...it could have been worse... :crosseyedcrazy:

...but, like SD says, better to be prepared:



If it's something you WANT to do, and not a REACTION to anything else.... like court documents or whether he accepts your book or not...

...you will still want to do it, tomorrow....so, don't sweat it too much.


BTW...waywards find a BOOK or reading material too much to take on, and like FOX's WS, he probably won't....out of principle... ...and yes, I stopped trying to understand a wayward mind... it just is what it is!