shinethrough has a good point it is your fight and Mom should leave the telling to you.....

I disagree. This is semantics. It doesn't matter WHO does the telling, only that she is told. She can them phone Chuck and they can take it from there.

BK,
I respectfully disagree with you here.

This is Chuck's M to save or not. His Mom has no say in this.


BK, is that how you handled your sitch? Did Mom do all the leg work? Knowing you, just a little, I sincerely doubt it.

Chuck has to step up to the plate and take control of his own recovery, and also the exposure to OP, including OM's W. His WW will never again have any respect for him if he let's Mom take control.

JMHO

All Blessings,
Jerry

I disagree Jerry.

Chuck thinks he could lose control if he confronted OM.

You're making way too much out of WHO does the telling.

My mom is dead thanks for asking.

You guys, his mother can be a valuable asset in this fight and he would be remiss if he didn't take advantage of her willingness to help. We have had numerous affairs that were killed or greatly impacted by a parent's interference. If she can get to the OMW, then that is just great!

Personally, I think she should be the one to go since Chuck is concerned he would punch the OM. That helps no one. She might also be able to scare the OM off. We have had OM scared off by someone's momma before!

The bottom line, IMO, is that the OMW is told and that is the most important thing.

Amen Mel!!

Well yeah, I lost my Mom a few years ago, but i'm sorry for asking that it triggered something in you.

I know that pain too!

I apologize for bringing it up.

All Blessings,
Jerry

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{JERRY}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Thanks for reply.

I just have a bad feeling for the fact he would let his Mom do the taling for him. I feel that this is Chuck's problem to solve and as much as his Mom is willing to do this for him, it will not win him any points with his WW.


She needs to see that it is him who is willing to fight and save this M. Not his MOM.

That's like sending a surragate to step in and fight your battle for you. It will NOT impress his WW, IMHO.

Just my thoughts,

All Blessings,
Jerry

Hi, Chucks mom again! The only reason I offered to do the telling is because I don't want Chuck to get shot walking up to this bozos door. If I made sure he wasn't at home before I talked to her (on the doorstep)it could save Chuck from harm.
His son needs him more than ever now.
I offered to have a 1 on 1 talk with my DIL but she hasn't taken me up on it yet. I don't think she's lost her love for Chuck, I just think she's been blind-sided by a con man and is living the fantasy now.
Thanks for the advice and for helping my son.....Ma

Ma you ROCK!!!

I don't see any problem with you supporting your son like this and neither do most of the other posters here.

Chuck and Chuck's mom, you are getting WONDERFUL advice. Worth far more than the 200 bucks that is currently being thrown away on counselling.

BigK, sometimes you astound me (in a good way lol - great posting there my boy!). Everyone else who has posted has been spot on in how to deal with this.

I'm the FWW. When I read Chuck's first post it reminded me SO much of my H six years ago (when I had my A) I just had to say something about the wonderful advice you are being given.

Hang in there Chuck. Miracles happen on MB.

My MIL and my FIL and my dad had all died just before my A. My SIL is a straight talker and her opinion meant and means a great deal to me. She gave me some home truths - all she wanted was for us to make it - I don't really think it matters who the exposure comes from. I don't think Chuck's mom is fighting his battles. Although, having said that, Chuck's WW needs to know that HE will stand up and be counted. Strength is everything right now. It was my H's strength that got through to me.

Kiwi,

"Chuck's WW needs to know that HE will stand up and be counted. Strength is everything right now. It was my H's strength that got through to me."

It was Kiwi's BH's STRENGTH that brought her back. EXACTLY the point we've been trying to make. Chuck needs to show HIS strength, but first he's got to FIND it.

I agree that it doesn't matter WHO tells OM's wife. It has to be done, and will assist in breaking up the secret fantasy those two have been living.

The point of exposure is to reveal the truth and bring the sordid into the light. The point of exposure is to enroll ANYONE and EVERYONE who can help douse the stupid A fire.

How lucky chuck is to have a mom who is ready to do battle. Remember this is WW's mother-in-law...FAMILY. He doesn't have an employer to expose to--OM has already been fired for some other stupidity. Chuck has to use everything at his disposal, including Mom, BUT his greatest weapon HAS to be his own strength.

Chuck, have you regrouped from your crying jags? Have you seen a doc for anti-depressants? Have you given up your do-nothing therapist and made an appointment to talk to Steve?

Come on, man, there are things you can DO!

Right Here Waiting

Chuck:
Listen:

I have over 3 YEARS MC experience and have read dozens of books. The stats I found are:

Just as many people report that self help books (and websites) are JUST AS HELPFULL as MC in helping their marraige.

This website is free, and the advice I have seen people give has been top notch.

I like my MC- but without insurance- I would have been gone 2.5 years ago. The reading is what gets you through.

There is nothing I have heard in MC that you can not find here on this site or in self help books at the mall.

I have spent hundreds on books.

KEEP READING- print off emotional needs questionere and Lovebusters "rules"--

I would get rid of the MC at $125- or set a limit to meetings.

You are about to have a storm of emotions, ups, downs, and more downs-- the people here can help you.
and not bankrupt you.

Thank you all for all of the advice and opinions. It really helped to get me through the weekend.
I will start by saying that I did not expose to OM's wife. I was at his house on Sunday morning and was afraid that if I saw him, I might do something I would regret. We had a good day, although I thought that I was being walked on a bit. I think that some of you told me to expect that, so I made a joke whenever I felt bad. That night I got an email that my wife had just changed her password to her email. When I said something she got mad and yell and told me to leave her alone. I said ok, got the keys and went to OM's house. On the way there my WW called and her voice was softer, she asked me to please come back home, that it was just a misunderstanding. I told I would be home soon, and knocked on the OM's door. No one home. As I drove home my WW called again asking me to come home. When I got home there was alot of talking and together we called the OM first wife. She and her husband told us to get as far away from him as possible. My WW, was still making excuses for him though. This morning, I called her and she was crying, but didn't want to talk to me. We later sent a series of text messages, and she calmed me though another attack. Later she called and said that OM sent her an email, and that she replied that he should leave her alone, period. That she owes it to sy son and to me as well as herself to give 100%. That she can't do that if he is there. Then she told me for the first time that she was sorry about everything that she has done and would like to work on our marriage. I asked for the email, but she said that she deleted everything that they had ever sent each other, and put his email address in the junk mail so that she wont even see it anymore. We talked alot today about working on the marriage and that we willstart anew today. Nothing from the past can be brought up in anger, and that we will be completely honest about everything and not hold back, but in a nice way. She also said that she would like for me not to badmouth OM. She would still like to think of him as a good person. She told me that she thinks she still loves me, but has forgotten. She said that she thinks we can get it back, but if in 3 or 6 months it doesn't workout, at least we gave it 100%. Obviously I have questions. Why, why has everything changed, did a light go on. When I asked she said that she didn't know, but she felt like it was right. I asked what happens if the wind blows, does she then want to go back, she said no. I don't understand the 3-6 month thing, was she just thinking it out or was that a time limit? I don't know, but I do think that this is progress!
As to the MC, we had a talk about him and she thinks that he is helping her. I had a session tonight and I voiced my concerns and he said that I want to do all of the work for both of us, but that I can't. He said that I havn't talked about myself yet, that we need to. I don't know, but it made sense. He also told me that based on his first meeting with WW, that if I had gone to someone else or she heard something different than what he had said, she would have been long gone. If she is comfy with him, then its helping. I will continue to read and post, and read the books. I will also continue with this MC.

I tried to call OMW at work today, but I think that he told my wife the wrong place of employment. I don't know if I will be able to find her now.

I forgot to mention that I later found out that I was at the wrong address. I don't know if OMW knows anything or not. I don't know if I am being set up for a fall again, but I know that I must go all in! I am doing better with trying to be strong thank you all for the kind but tough words!

Trash talking the OM won't help you - if will make your WW defend him - NOT something you want. She will realise what he is in time.

keep trying to expose the omw

Chuck, you remind me so much of my H. That's a good thing, I'm sure you and your W will make it.

Exposure is essential. My H exposed to the OM's W and it was very effective.