Would you just stop asking the same question again and again. You are trying to make sense of the insensible! Drop it already and start doing what medc instructed.

Pull the plug!!

Smash the cellphone then ask her to leave!

Then go smash OM1 and OM2 faces.

I swear that will get a reaction out of her. Like, for instance, that you actually care!

Oh boy, I know I'm gonna get 2x4'd for this.

All Blessings,
Jerry

Jerry,

Did you say that out loud?

This is so not like you... :MrEEk:

I agree; I'm just shocked...


Hogfan,

From Yogi: When you get to the fork in the road...

TAKE it.


No decision is deciding to let traffic run over you. (I know they have traffic in Arkansas, I've been on JFK and McCain on Monday morning. It's just not like we have in Chicago.)

Robin Williams says that as men our problem is that we have two heads and only enough blood to make one work at a time. She sends you stuff like this because it keeps you using the wrong head to make decisions. Start using the one that thinks...


BTW, even in Arkansas they might arrest you for actually smashing OM 1 or 2, but at least your wife would know you were willing to FIGHT for her.

Do SOMETHING even if it turns out to be wrong. Doing NOTHING asures NOTHING is gonna change.

Sorry. Been one of THOSE days...

/
Mark

OK! If I take her phone and smash it I would physically have to take it from her. That is how close she keeps it on her. If I did that all she would have to do is call the police and in Arkansas I would be taking a chance of getting arrested for domestic violence. that is how backwards it is in this state. everyone keeps telling me to get hard evidence.
1. I hired two PI's and neither one could ever put her with OM1 or OM2.
2. I have some cell phone records and some text messages, but she has changed all passwords to her cell phone, and keeps the phone itself locked with a password.
3. I have tried the voice recorder and shile she is driving she plays her radio so loud that you can not hear anything.
4. There is no home computer to place a keylogger on.
5. I have used a Sim card reader to try and read the sim card on her phone and it will not read her sim card. Guess she has it locked as well.
6. I have exposed OM1 to her parents and OM 2 to the OM wife.

Now can someone give me some advice on how to get some more evidence with that being said. For example last night while at the house she no longer texts in front of me ofr the kids, she now goes to the bathroom about 9 times in 3 hours and stays in there to text for approximately 15 minutes at a time. I even believe that she sleeps with the phone on her.

Who pays the bill for the cellphone? If it's in your name, cut it off. She is DISRESPECTING you and your marriage.

If the phone is in her name, do you have online access to the account?

Why does she no longer text in front of you? What happened to change that?

We both pay the bills in the home. The cell phone is in her name. She has changed the password on the online account. I do nto know why she no longer texts in front of me. Maybe because I spoke with OMW? I am not sure. So how do I get evidence in this situation. I have her account number and have thought that maybe I can take a spare cell phone and get it activated with the same number as she has I have already called the cell phone company and asked about that. If I try this will the texts go to both phones? Has anyone ever tried anything like that?

hogfan, go get a lawyer and get her out of there. Her disrespect is profound and abusive.

But first, ask her to leave on her own. Tell her that her affair is tearing you down and your marriage cannot survive 3 people. Tell her it is extremely hurtful for her to carry on her affair and you can't live like that.

Tell her you would like to separate and ask her to move. See what she says, but DON'T negotiate anything with her. For example, let her know the kids and the all the furniture will have to stay. You will give her visitation with the kids as long as they are not exposed to her affair. But the kids shouldn't be dragged from their home over her affair.

Just see what she says and don't tell her you are going to get an attorney. But see if she will comply without a court order.

Do your kids know that she is having an affair? Have they been told the truth?

hogfan, have you had a face to face with the OM asking him to stop his affair with your wife?

MelodyLane - I believe that my oldest daughter know something. I have not sat down my my daughters and told them what is going on. They are so young and would not understand why? Both daughters knew about OM1. After I confronted my W with him. After I did confront her like in my original post she seemed to try and make everything better, but I see now that it was never sincere. She has even told me that she did quit talking with him for 4 months, but is talking now. All a bunch of lies and for some reason even with her seeming to try to work on our M I was able to see through the bulls!@#. I have not spoken with OM2 face to face, but he did get on teh phone when I called his W. The first thing that he said is that "I am not having an affair with your wife", then he said "you need to talk to your wife", I then told him that I was talking to his at the moment and that was the conversation. Are there any suggestions on how to get more solid evidence with everything on her phone locked up?

HF:

Why is she doing this now:


Because your confronted her about doing that on the couch, in your FULL VIEW.

You started to change the dynamic. She's in the bathroom now. She can be pushed out to the porch, or the driveway next.

But did you notice what was different?

YOU CHANGED THE DYNAMIC. The police didn't show up. She hid even further.

When you start reclaiming your territory, as the HUSBAND, then the waywards start backing up quickly.

Knock on the bathroom door. Make it uncomfortable for her to DO IT in there. She will move to the basement. Then you make in uncomfortable there. She will move to the Garage. You make in uncomfortable there. She will move to the driveway. You make it uncomfortable there. Pretty soon, she can only DO IT away from the house.

AND that is respect for you. And no judge will put you in jail for that.

So, the radio is loud when she's in the car. When the phone rings, she WILL turn down the radio to talk to OM. Maybe not you, but she will for him. And all you need is ONE conversation, not thirty.

Let this website be your personal journal of what your trying to accomplish. And if not, make sure you start documenting as much stuff as possible. It should look like this:

Monday night, Nov 17:

Came home from work at 5:30, picked up kids from daycare at 5:25.
WW was home, but on couch. She did not get kids as per our agreement.
Started dinner at 6:00.
Helped Janey and Johnny with homework during supper prep.
Finished homework at 7:00 and dinner (w/ WW at 6:45)
I cleaned up the kitchen and played video games with J&J until 8:00 and bath time.
WW would move from whatever room we were into another room. She continued to TM all evening.
Bathtime and bedtime, by me, until 9:00. Read "Sam I Am" to Janey and "Cool Dinosuars" to Johnny till lights out.
WW continued to stay away from family and me. TM's continued all night.
I went to sleep in bedrom, with WW still in living room, TM'ing.

And do THAT every night. Until the the Divorce is final.
Your WW will show up in front of the judge, saying: "I'm the MOMMY, I DESERVE the children, and child support, and alimony, and, and, and..."
Hogfan will show up with three notebooks, or binders, detailing the daily activities of WW with her children, and Hogfan's efforts.

Who do you think the judge will believe?

However, if HF just goes with the flow, he can stand up in front of the judge and claim that WW doesn't do anything. And the judge will rule against you. Because when its your word against hers, the judge may tend to favor the mommy. Why? because you have told us that is the way it is in AR.

So, make sure YOU don't end up that way. Judges like paper. So give him paper. Reams of it. And then WW is toast.

LG

Great post LG!

Are you listening HF? You just got some dynamite to blow this thing out of the water.

hogfan, then the first things I would do is set your DD's down and tell them the truth. Dr. Harley recommends telling the kids. Tell them your W is having another affair and that is the source of the conflict in their home. Tell them WHY adultery is wrong and how painful it is to you personally. Tell them you are doing what you can to make her stop. Kids can deal with the truth, they cannot deal with lies.

And I guarantee you, if you don't give them the truth and give them moral guidance, YOUR WIFE WILL. She will spin the story to your kids and confuse them greatly. I will post some articles in the next post.

Secondly, I would either call or visit the OM and ask him to stop all communication with your wife. Tell him that you are consulting a lawyer and his texts with your wife may be subpeonaed when you file on the basis of adultery. The OM would be subpeonaed to give testimony under oath. Your goal is to be polite but to SCARE THE BEEJEZUZ out of him. He needs to know you will cause him lots of trouble if it doesn't stop.

I would also call his wife again and ask how she thinks you can both stop this incessant contact that is ruining your marriage.

Dr. Harley:


and....


if anyone wants this Dr Laura clip below, email me at ohmelodylane@aol.com

This is a segment that is sloppily and partially transcribed by me that was on the Dr Laura show. I thought Dr. Laura made some EXCELLENT and profound points about the effects of lying to children about adultery. I don't always agree with her views on adultery, but she is right on in this aspect.

Dr. Harley, as many of you know, is a strong advocate of telling the children the TRUTH.

Dr. Laura show [4:25 min into segment - 5-15-08]

Caller: Husband had an affair with good friend for 2 years. Her H ws one of his "buddies."

Dr. Laura: Do you have minor children?

Caller: Yes, we both do

Dr. Laura: They are willing to hurt your kids? Why are they willing to break up the families?

caller: Basically, they said they are not "happy."

Dr L: So that is the explanation for being willing to hurt their kids? They are doing this to be "happy?"

What can I do to possibly help you?

Caller: I need to know what to tell my kids.

Dr. Laura: THE TRUTH. They are breaking up 2 families because they have decided.....

See, I am not of the school where you stand by and do pretend with kids where this is all ok. Because this is NOT OK.

The most important story is that this is NOT OK. sit down with your husband and tell him you are going to explain to our children, in a factual, non hysterical way I am going to explain to the kids the horrible thing you are doing to destroy their family. That you are "not happy" is not sufficient reason to destroy 2 families and I am going to make this clear to them because I want them to grow up understanding this is WRONG.

That is my advice. And i think everybody should be clear this is selfish behavior that is WRONG, vows were made.

Not being "happy" is something you work to turnaround, not something you destroy a family over. If both of these people were to hear this was going to happen they will have second thoughts.

DO not think for a moment you are doing wrong by telling your children this. It is your moral obligation to teach them right from wrong. EVEN when it demonstrates a parent has done wrong. The parent cannot be whitewashed and get away with that - THAT IS WRONG and that does not teach the children

I really hope alot of people hear this. Alot of ppl want to whitewash what they are doing. Kids should know that is your attitude.

But to tell the custodial parent: hey don't make me look bad for my own selfish gain is ABSURD! and is EVIL! We are going to make wrong seem ok. Kids will lose any sense of right and wrong. Kids will be taught that anything is ok as long as it makes me "happy." Kids lose any sense of right or wrong. "well, it makes me happy to use drugs" when I am 12 It makes me "happy" to get on my knees and give 4 6th graders oral sex. That is what they teach their kids.

This is what happens when you whitewash wrongdoing to make no body feel bad which is why I get called MEAN. I get called mean because I say the truth. "Its MEAN to say something is right or wrong; its mean to make somebody feel bad!" Its MEAN to say the truth. People get shut down when they get called "judgmental" when they say the truth. The intent is to shut you down. Well, I don't shut up. Kids don't learn important truths when they allow others to shut them down. We don't help our children when we don't say the truth and support them in saying what is right and wrong.

I was doing a lot of documentation before I found out about OM2 because I knew that something was not right AGAIN! But after I found out about OM2 I jsut kind of quit. I guess a part of me give up on trying. I will start back again tonight with the documentation and continue through December and keep everyone posted on what goes on everyday. I do not want to make a rash decision before Christmas and destroy Christmas for my girls so that will give me a little over a month to document. I will make it uncomfortable for her to text in the home. Is there anyway to get more evidence on her without being able to get into her cell phone accounts?

ARE YOU LISTENING?????

Tell your kids the truth.

Your FAILURE to ACT is going to hurt them worse than telling them.

IF you are not willing to ACT to help yourself...there is NOTHING anyone here can do for you.

The board already has it's representative spineless male that just lets his wife run roughshod over him...we don't need another.

She does or she doesn't. How could you possibly NOT know for sure? Don't you sleep in the same bed?

The phone company won't activate another phone with the same number. I tried cloning a SIM card to put in another cell phone to get the messages, but it did not work. apparently, any cell phone built after about 2002 or 2003 has sim cards that cannot be cloned. if they activate a new cell phone with the same number it will deactivate her service (different sim cards). I read about certain phones that run windows operating system where you can install a keylogger, but did not look much into it.

YES. I am listening and I will set my kids down and tell them the truth of what I do know, and why their mom is not participating in their lives liek a mom should. Will they believe me, I am not sure, but I will tell them everything. Then I will document, document, document.

Have you done something that makes your kids doubt your word.

My son NEVER doubted for a minute when I told him the truth.

Did you make an appointment with a father's rights lawyer???

No. I have not done anything for them to doubt me. But when my oldest daughter asked me who her mom was texting I told her your mom's BF and my daughter jsut said she did not want to hear it. I believe she is still mad from the 1st OM. I spoke with my lawuer and a father's rights as well. I also jsut learned how to get her text messages. For anyone that is interested. All I have to do is take the sim card out of her phone place it in my phone and move the text messages to my phone. This does not delete the text messages from her sim card. Just more evidence and documentation.