I believe in you Hope, I KNOW you can do it with G-ds help.

When you feel the urge to involve yourself with WH, come here, vent and or just type.

Don't break the darkness for NOTHING....

Yes! Or even let it be a trigger that you need to go clean the toliets. It's better than breaking contact.

Ah yes, my favorite, praying to the porcelain G-d.

You guys are so funny!!

Before I chatted to DS16 about my new dark plan,he blurted out to me that WH has already had an item stolen out of the shop! They have the thief on camera but in this country its impossible to get a conviction with something like this... more stress for WH. Also, that OW is stressed out and says she needs to learn a lot more about selling computers... of course my boys find this funny cos they say she's not very bright!!!LOL

Yes,when I get the urge to want to speak to WH, I will go for a walk...I live very near the beach and I need the exercise...infidelity diet has come to an end!!!!

I was reading a post on RA's revisited, that quoted Harley as saying" WW's behave like schizophrenics."..
WH told me HE wanted to think about coming home than he turns things around and makes out that I asked him to!!!WTF!!!

I am so glad I read that post.....

See now... this is the kind of stuff you won't have to worry or think about ANYMORE! Yay! Let WH deal with his own thieves...

That Karma bus definitely has a sense of humor though.... a THIEF comes in to STEAL from OW and WH. Betcha they missed the irony of that.

I never realised that..... You SO RIGHT!!

Karma bus is coming round the mountain!!

Yea, for me too... Does that just not suck???

Hope, silly GODDESS

You have to find a way to stop thinking, wondering, caring or anything about WH. I KNOW HOW HARD that IS....

Hope

You KNOW these guys are all talking sense. Stop talking about thingalibob! Stop! Stop! Stop!

Hows your exercise classes doing?

Hey! We've gotta get new topics here. (There's that "gotta" again)

Gotta go. It's way late. Must quit the coffee before bedtime.

Well I text WH on friday to ask if he could meet me at work on saturday afternoon as I was working 1pm-5pm and he closes his shop at 2pm....its 5 mins away.

WH called me and I explained that I wanted to give him a letter I had written for him.He was upbeat and said he would try but it would be difficult cos they only had the 1 car and OW would be round him..... well he didn't pitch.....and I haven't heard from him.

Just before I left work today at 1pm,DS16 phoned me and asked me if I would fetch a cable that he needed for his computer from WH's shop on my way home....WH said he was too busy..blah,blah. I text WH asking him to meet me in my hospitals parking area with the cable.He replied that he was alone in the shop and without a car,couldn't I go there? I replied "you know how I feel, as long as she's in your life, I won't be coming near your shop." No reply....I don't care if it was a LB....DS16 has been asking him for this cable since thursday. DS16 had asked WH "can't he fetch OW'S kids from school today then he could swing by our house and drop off the cable.?"WH just said OW was going to fetch them.DS16 told me his given up now... once again I am pissed with WH..I want to get this letter to him as fast as possible now.
I could have gone to the shop and fetched the cable but I won't give WH the satisfaction..... It also would have been the perfect time to give him the letter too.I knew seeing the shop would have upset me in the long run and just made WH happy that I'd seen his hard work etc. This was something we were going to do to together... our dream.I did feel bad that I didn't get the cable for DS16 though...

When I spoke to him on friday about the letter, he sounded quite happy to be getting a letter from me. Weird!!!
He said he was thinking about what I'd said during our last conversation(spoke about recovery plan) and that he'd let me know when his made up his mind!!!!

He is so confusing me.... I need to get this letter to him pronto so that I can get cracking with my plan B.

Whew, glad you didn't go to his shop. He needs your admiration and approval. Don't give it to him. Stay dark.

Missed you this week-end.

Doncha just hate words like these that come along and bite you in the butt...?

Is there no way that an intermediary can deliver the letter?

Believer if I step foot in that shop I'll feel totally defeated,if that makes sense.....I feel its the one thing I have going for me....admiration is so big on his needs list.

I was watching a movie 'apocalypto',... really cool.....and out of the blue DS16 says "you know mom when dad first moved in with OW they only had 1 computer,now there are 4 in the house...insinuating that WH bought them.I calmly said maybe OW bought them or the kids did with their own savings.DS16 gets all defensive saying WH must have and next minute the xbox is bought up and DS16 is defending WH this time??I said that I am glad his not hurt by the arrangement of the xbox staying at dads...I know DS16 knows deep down I'm right but he won't admit it.I calmly said to ask his dad if he has any questions regarding who bought what computers as I don't have the answers.

DS16 then tells me that WH has already bought the xbox and 2 games as DS16 was with him when he bought it!!!WH tells him not to tell OW kids about it.Now you tell me who is this present for?????DS16 helped WH pick out the games as well??No surprise for my boys on christmas day!!WH is such a stupid f#@%k!! sorry to say....

Imagine, my sister works so she would only be able to drop off the letter at his shop on the weekend.I'm hoping DS18 will pop around to the shop before then and he can take it...

Sounds like hubby is still very wayward. He is trying to please the OW through her sons. I can't imagine taking my son to shop for a Christmas present and keeping it a surprise for my step-sons. YUCK.

DS18 dropped off my letter with WH this morning..

He phoned me and said he got the letter but he doesn't understand????? I start to explain and he cuts me off saying he has a customer in the shop but will phone me later when he can???....

I was going to block his number on my cellphone but maybe I' d better wait for him to phone me so that I can explain the letter to him.It was quite straight forward actually....I don't know what could be puzzling him.

What do you guys think I should do?

Does the letter explain everything? He can read right? He is familiar with the English language or your native language? Yes...

IMHO... I wouldn't give him one word of explanation. The letter spells everything out, right? He is still a wayward, lost in the fog. It's not like anything you say is going to impact him.

BUT this is your chance to SHOW him by your ACTIONS.....

Don't give one word of explanation....

But I'm just a newbie....

H&P:

Ok. You had the letter delivered. Finally.

WH calls because he "doesn't understand" Well, DUH.

Block the number on your phone. Please. You don't have to make him "understand" You don't have to explain to him AGAIN that you do not approve of his actions and that you don't want him in your life AGAIN.

OK? Just stop.

1. The computer cable for your DS? Its a problem between him and Dad.
2. Xbox and games? So what. Listen to your son. Let him talk to YOU. But be honest. "I presume that WH bought those for OW children." "I guess you will get to play with them when you are there." "Maybe he will buy you some other gifts" and leave it at that.
3. 4 computers in the OW's house? Why are you debating with your son? Stop that. Did WH buy them? You don't know, let DS ask his FATHER who bought them. What goes on @ OW's house, should STAY at OW's house. Let your boys KNOW that you care what is happening in thier lives, but you do not care to know about WH and OW activities.
4. Block your WH's cell phone number
5. Block your WH's shop phone number
6. Block your WH's Fax Number
7. Block your WH's phone in the bathroom number.
8. Advise your boys: That when they are with thier father, that they are not to let WH use their phones. If WH asks to use thier phones, they are to say No. If WH threaten's, "I'm paying for that!" let your boys know that you got thier back.
9. Block all phone access from your WH to your phones.
10. Please read more on Plan B.

Plan B is tough. Way tougher than Plan A. At least if you do something nice for someone, they may say thank you. But Plan B means that NO MATTER WHAT the wayward one tries to do, you ignore them. And that goes against EVERYTHING that you have ever learned in regards to being polite.

BTW? The shop? Excellent method of hiding income so that he doesn't have to support you or the boys. Just something to remember for the future.

LG

Queenie thanks for your advice.....I was just thinking if he REALLY wanted me to explain the letter to him, he would have phoned me by now...its been about 6 hours...granted OW is by his side 24/7...but he could make a plan...

I'm going to be strong and leave things as they are...

Queenie , I'm sure your DD only means well and is concerned for YOU ,her mom. Hang in there!

The absolutel HARDEST part of Plan B is training and learning how to not think about WH. I didn't do a very good job of it, and it's only been recently that when I do think of WH it's in a different way.

The absolute obsession with the need to know is gone. The absolute obsession of having to do is GONE.. The absolute obsession of needing to FIX is gone.

Today, I just leave it in G-ds hands.

My children are very protective and loving towards me and want me to be happy. But remember I'm the light in this family standing up for G-d and what's right by his laws.

Plan B, the hardest plan of all is to teach us how to learn a new way of life without WH or the ickiness that goes with it. You are going to be going through withdrawals, come here, vent, do whatever you need.

BUT STAY DARK........

LG, thanks for your very valid points.

DS18 bought the cable home from the shop for DS16 so thankfully that was sorted out.
I think that DS16 knows deep down that his dad is been an idiot but he doesn't want to admit it obviously....thats why he pushes me and wants me to say it for him..if that makes sense?
I know the xbox story is bugging him...and I have told him to take his concerns up with WH as I don't have the answers for him...(I made sure that I said it with love and care) Neither of my boys will ruffle WH's feathers....they not like that.
Each of OW's 3 boys have a computer plus WH has one.He obviously gave them to the kids.

DS16 told me that WH has a "surprise" for them at the house when they go there this weekend.I told him he shouldn't have mentioned that to me and please not to tell me what it is.
I am going to block all WH phone numbers ...he can still phone me at work though.I really doubt that he will be desperate to get hold of me.
I pay for DS18's phone and WH pays for DS16's....but I will talk to them.

I mentioned in my letter that I have told the boys not to tell me about WH or whats happening in his life and that they supported me 100% on this.. I think that would have hit a nerve cos I'm really cutting him out by doing this.

You made me sit up when you mentioned hiding income through the business..WH would know all about this as he has run 3 other businesses in the past...although they weren't his,he is clued up.I will definitely store that point away!

Thanks again...I still don't think my letter will have an impact on WH.....lets see