Luna,

Thanks for the replies. I'm much better today. I'm glad that everyone posted and gave me something to think about because I have decided not to send the email now. My emotions take completely over and I don't think straight, which is why I need to post here BEFORE I do anything. Had I posted here first, I probably wouldn't have sent the book either. Man, I hate when that happens.

The fact is, he won't read it. He really doesn't read much in general, especially stuff like that anyway. And you are right, he is still wayward which is a double whammy. UGH, why did I send it? From now on, I can't do anything until I post here. My new rule.

CL,

I am glad you are feeling better.


Usually, it's the need 'TO DO something'.... because, like you said, you already know mostly likely WS won't read your book...

I like your new rule...or, at least wait a day and see if you still want to do it...and if it's a REACTION...and usually does not stand the test of time.

SD once suggested this guideline (even though he may not always follow it himself :RollieEyes: and it was more to do with a face-to-face encounter), which I use anytime (most of the time - because I am human after all) I communicate anything to WS:

-breathe
-what would the purpose of engaginge be
-why is that important
-will they listen to me

...and that's how most of what I have to say to WS are reduced to 'necessary facts' only (most of the time - because I am human after all....and so are you, CL)

CL

Thanks Luna. You all are right - he is totally wayward.

What so upset me on Monday now cracks me up on Thursday. The more I read, the more ridiculous the whole thing is. So much of the document is totally irrelevant, and his facts about my jobs, my education, and how much I made are totally wrong. He did not do his homework. And just the fact that his atty put some of that in writing is a joke. In a sick way, it's very sad and I think he looks very foolish and uninformed. He just keeps lying. His atty must be fresh out of law school.

Maybe this M just isn't worth fighting for after all. I'm just not seeing the person that I thought he was. And it keeps going downhill....

Chai, please forgive me for saying this. All M are worth fighting for. The curser is that at some point the fight ends or there is nothing left to fight for. Are you at that point, don't know, that's your decision ONLY.

No, WH is not who you thought he was. He hasn't been that person for a VERY LONG time, but that doesn't mean your H isn't somewhere in there.

Trust G-d, walk in faith that as each things unfolds there is a purpose a path for you to follow if you seek him.

You are doing so GREAT.... You have come so FAR....

I love you,

I don't know what happens to waywards. My x came and did some plumbing for me today. Actually did more than I had asked. There was a time when I practically hated him for what he did to me and what he did to our children. Now, years down the road (he moved out in 1995 - yes, you did read that right 1995) and we can get along now. Strange, but I wish only the best for him. Really.

Chai, I had a knitting question and actually called your shop today but the line was busy.....so I settled down, thought about it and got a new game plan. My scarf for a friend is only 5 stitches wide and looks better.....it was stockinette stitch and curling in on the sides....I redid it in ribbing and it's working much better. It wasn't much harder to look your shop's number up than to look up a local shop. I'm still trying to figure out a road trip for stash. Problem is what to do w/ my silly dog. The cats are not an issue.

Hey Cinder,

I wasn't in today. The answering service should have picked up if the line was busy. Not sure why it didn't. The nature of St. stitch is that it curls. Ribbing is good, or try a garter border or crochet border. Hope you can come up to {my store name}(to remain nameless for privacy purposes).

At this point, I don't want any type of relationship with
WH. Maybe if this wound ever heals it won't bother me, but for now it is very raw.

Queenie, yes you are right. Every M is worth fighting for, but fighting alone does not a M make. I think many of us know that all too well.

WH is claiming he wants no part of my business, never wanted me to start it, etc. I wonder how fast he would change is mind if he heard that someone offered me a lot of money for it? Just a thought....

Of course he would. That's what it all boils down to. The "Almighty Dollar."

Charlotte

Isn't that the truth. Nothing like a D to make it all vanish....

Sorry for the t/j CL, but I have a question for Cind,


...is your ex still with original OP? I know this would make a big difference for me down the road.

Yes Cinder, I would like to know that too. Also, did your X ever try to come back? So many times they don't even consider the BS, they just move on to something else. That leads to another question - when do they stop being wayward? When OP leaves, they marry OP, they move on to OP#2....

The trigger OP in my case was a woman with whom my now-x works. Typical fogese. She was smart enough to never go out with him. In fact, a couple of years after the separation, I told our counselor (who worked no magic on the marriage but helped me immensely) that wh was being unusually ugly to me. Counselor told me the ow in the latest EA had just gotten married. That was years ago.

X married another woman, who he met online after the divorce, about 7 years ago. She has always been kind and respectful. I like her well enough. Don't always see eye to eye with her but that's ok.

Anyway, after daughter was suicical 3.5 years ago and we ALL ended up in family therapy, x got nicer. He showed out in front of daughter's psychiatrist and, after that, the dr always sided with me on disagreements. His wife witnessed the extreme display of unacceptable behavior (yelling, finger-pointing, tales of libel or slander, just horrible display).

Anyway, having gotten that venom out of his system, we're better now.

While he has been a more present father than many and has helped me out at times, I don't particularly respect him as a man.

Did he ever try to come back? Or did he know that you would not take him?

Maybe the ones who never stop being "wayward" are the ones we are supposed to throw back and not waste our lives waiting for them to take the bait that's offered on our hooks--so to speak.

Sometimes people change FOREVER. Sometimes it is really their true selves that are revealed.

I was on the phone with OWH for four hours last night and we talked about this a lot. He's still reeling from Slag's transformation but listening to him talk about the way she was raised and the way her family is gave me a lot of food for thought.

Charlotte

So Charlotte, do you mean that she changed and was more like her family or changed into something competely different?

Hi Chai,

She's more like her family. She also has "Daddy" issues. That explains a lot.

Charlotte

I think some people try to change when they get M, but later their real self appears. My friend and I were wondering that about WH recently. We wondered if he had changed or was he really always like that it we just didn't see it. I dunno...

That could be. Maybe when some people get married they try to live the "ideal" of what they think marriage is but later on when things aren't hunky-dory they just let go and revert back to their true forms.

A few months ago I met the lady across the street. She came over and asked me to go to dinner tonight, so I did. We had a nice time. After 23 years of M she is D'd due to an A, but she was done with her xH and says she would never go back. They still talk, and now after 6 years he tells her that maybe he made a mistake. So sad, these A's.


My Dd says she gave the book to her Dad. I just said OK, good. Didn't want to know anything else. I'm kind of wishing that I hadn't done it now, but my emotions over the whole D thing got the best of me. UGH. That is why I will NEVER do another thing without coaching from all of you. Why didn't I come here first?????? I could kick myself. Oh well, what's done is done. As I said, he probably threw it on the floor of his car. He doesn't read much of anything except the newspaper anyway....

So I'm back to the darkness of Plan B. Maybe when the D is final, I can let go and get a life.

I think it's quite likely that, when you no longer have recovery or wh to worry about, you will be better able to focus on yourself.

We both hope so, right CL? :RollieEyes: