I for one hope you don't ever stop doing this.

Your ability of introspection and feeling stuff helps me. It also helps this addict in me to feel your pain. It takes me out of ME and let's me feel for someone else.

By nature I'm selfish, self-centered, your sharing, your giving of yourself, helps to keep me whole and feeling. Something I fight constantly.

I love to watch you process through things. Your strategies are great and it gives me ideas how to do the same.

So thank you fair lady for your strength.

Many people on here have known you longer. They have walked through the worst of it, and been here during the end of it. How is ends really is unknown as G-d's will won't be denied.

Maybe all we can ask of ourselves it to be as loving, gentle and honest with the reality of what we feel so that we can understand those who come after us and need our help more and more.

Hi SD,

Thanks for the encouragement.


The opportunity came up with WS's email re arrangements about recommencing mediation ...

Doing it will help ME...as I made myself PERFECTLY clear... no 'reading between the lines' required... no fog thick enough to use to 'justify' any misunderstandings....

...and yes, it will probably hurt to see within the next few days WS's 'no reply'....his standard the few times I have proposed M recovery...

...but my heart will be more at peace because of it.

Hi Queenie,


I am glad to hear that you see some benefit out of all of this.

I follow your thread, and you have been working very hard. I am proud to know you. Keep up the good work.

Learning to be honest without being shameful or without judging ourselves can be a challenge sometimes, but one that is doeable. I am trying to do that, hopefully for...better.

Today I am a little drained.

It took me a while to write down what I wanted to say to WS, trying to be clear and honest, 'sit on it' to be sure it's what I wanted to do and say... and finally send it.

I 'stuck my head out' of Plan B, so I do expect WS's 'no reply' to hurt a bit, but I will be fine.

You know not to expect anything, so you're ahead of the game. I used to prepare myself for the "What, are you nuts? Why can't you get it through your head that it's OVER" responses from the SCQ, but those never came, so no response was mild in comparison.

You're going to be fine, Luna

Luna

Hi SD,


Sorry, SD. That would hurt.

...then again...I may get...an 'answer', just not going to be the one I want.

So tell me, SD....why put ourselves through all of this s-h-i-t? :RollieEyes:

...so we can look at ourselves in the mirror and face our kids and be able to say that we 'left no stone unturned'? ...to put the ball squarely in WS's court, no ifs or buts? ...hope this will bring 'harmony and peace' to our troubled hearts?

...or are we 'punishing' ourselves somehow, since a form of no-answer is expected? ....high-risk gamblers putting our eggs all in one basket?

...sometimes, I really do wonder what's going on in our BS brains!

Update.


Well...WS broke the record... although verbally not as abusive as the replies SD got from SCQ, and like many of you others...seems more like, twisting the knife with a smile!

I am now trying to evaluate the damage done...or, is this what needs to happen? I am not sure how it feels to have the Lbank drained, but this reply seems to hit the spot... it drains the Lbank, the hope bank, the self-esteem bank....and I now know better how some of you FELT when receiving these kinds of replies from WSs. This gave the band-aid removal a good...JERK... all I know is that it HURTS...A LOT.

It's how I started my day....so, hopefully, there is no way to go back but up. I know some of you have subjected yourselves to some of this on a regular basis...don't know how you can do it.

More or less, this is what WS said, and I am less surprised because of the sharing done around here, and so, in case it might be helpful to other BSs to know what to expect:

- not interested in M recovery
- now living with OP whether I like it or not
- the kids have adjusted well to the situation and know that we are happy to see them the time they each spend with us
- it's up to us to clarify the situation and the reason why I am asking for a divorce
- at this stage, it's as important for you, for me and for the kids to divorce amicably rather than constantly want to go back to the past
- if it's a question of unequal financial division, tell me what you think is equitable
- I don't want to minimize your worries and others that will arise, but there surely is a way to find a solution without having to consider M recovery
- I will never be a stranger to you, and you know you can count on me, but you have to accept my new life choices.

Luna,


I know that stings horribly.

Even knowing it could come, doesn't protect you from the sting.

DO NOT let it knock you down. He is still deep in fantasy land.

This DOES NOT reflect on you.

Fox

I'm so sorry, Luna. I know it hurts.


I'm glad you said this, even amid all the pain.

For me, yes, knowing that I'd done everything I could. Although it went against Plan B, it was recommended by Jennifer as a 'What do you have to lose?' approach. I assume there's some strategy behind it.

Plus, now you know. You were deeply entrenched in your Plan B and protected, but I'm sure a part of you occasionally wondered what was going on over on the other side. You wonder whether anything has changed, or is he still every bit as Fogged as he was before.

Now you know. Yes, he's still completely Fogged. He's not going to change his mind. Do you want to keep waiting or get it over with?

It doesn't mean that it's not a horrible mistake, or that there's anything right about it, or that there's anything wrong with you or your decisions. It is wrong. We all know that, but he'll never be convinced.

Better things await you, Luna.

What are you going to do to take care of yourself today?

Luna. I'm sorry. But you now finally have an answer and you have to accept it.

When you didn't know, you didn't know. You took a huge risk and this is the result and now you know.
He's still wayward, it's not pretty and the futur for him os dark,

BUT THERE IS NOTHING MORE YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT

Don't torture yourself anymore.

Get on with your life. Make it great because you are a great person.

cc

None of these responses are a surprise at all. I especially like how he wants you to ACCEPT the POS OW, cuz that's the way it's gonna be. The really bright spot in all of this, you can move on knowing that you gave it all you got, lady. You WILL be happy about that one day.

AS for this

...nail him on this one---he's swung the door wide opened, now put a stopper on it, so he can't close it and begin your work of taking care of YOUR financial future. I'm not saying to bleed him dry, but don't you dare SETTLE for less.

and this...



...my only response would prolly be something like "howdy stranger" or, "I'm sorry, do I know you?"

What a maroon!

Anyway, I know this is all very fresh, but it will subside like all the other pain and slights. You now have a better indication that he is not coming back anytime soon. It's now a matter or what YOU want from your life. Living in limbo is no way to continue, IMO.

Hi Fox,


Yes, it does, Fox....and I know you and others here have been there.

Today, it hurts so bad that I just want to crawl in a hole and never want to have anything to do with this man again. Hopefully, tomorrow, and for the sake of the boys...I guess I will get to a place where I can figure out a way to 'deal with him', and somehow figure out how to not let it get to me so much.


Sorry, Fox...it has... KNOWING WS is still deep in fantasyland doesn't seem to help relieve the pain I feel.

I will be OK. I lived through worse...like after D-day going home and actually having to deal with WS on a daily basis...and I guess I survived that since I am still here.

Working on how to 'get up' after 'getting knocked down'.

I so do appreciate checking my thread and finding that some have actually posted a word of encouragement to me.

It means so much to me right now.

Hi SD,


Yeah, I know you do. It's good to know people know and acknowledge it. It seems to help somehow.


...you are being kind...because you also know this is just the beginning for this 'last stretch', isn't SD? ...and I 'haven't seen nothing yet', right?


...that's exactly why I am doing it, too, SD... just a way of reminding myself sometimes as to why I was doing what I was doing.... and maybe 'there is nothing to lose', SD, but it hurts as h-e-l-l!


No, SD, I don't want to keep waiting...though, I do want to dose out the pain and make it... 'bearable'


It's horrible to see the damage being done, and yet have the person you supposedly 'trusted' telling you....who?what?where? ....and there is not much you can do about it if it depends on that person also seeing it, too!


I hope so, SD. This is getting 'old'!


I don't know, yet....I have to think about it some more...thanks for reminding me...

...and I won't forget to BREATHE!

Thanks for dropping by, SD. You take care of yourself too.

cc,

Thanks for dropping by and for your support.


....Don't think I am doing such a good job of it.

Still can't figure out HOW in my 'particular' case...so it's safe to say that.... I am struggling...for today, at least.

Luna,

I wish I could find the words that would help you see beyond any doubt that you need to protect yourself and that you need to value yourself more.

You are letting him make you feel worthless.

You are not worthless.

You need to find your anger. You need to be PISSED OFF that he has done this to you.

HOW DARE HE?!?!?!?!

Who the heyall does he think he is?

GET PISSED, LUNA!!!


Pity and sadness will keep you immobile. You will be sick and tired and pathetic. The feeling of worthlessness will increase.

Anger will motivate you. Anger tells you that you ARE worth something and you SHOULD be mad that you have been treated so poorly.....for so darn long.

You have been at this for so long. You are so worn down. Make it stop.

I agree with SL, he opened the door to discuss finances. Make sure you are taken care of.

You need to come out of Plan B like a ball of fire. If you are not strong, FAKE IT! Take charge, make decisions, get the ball rolling.

He thinks you are weak and he will take advantage of that. Luna, the giver. WH, the taker. Only YOU can even that out.

KICK HIS [censored], Luna. He desperately needs it.

I know you hurt and there may be more to come. When you are going through he!!, Luna, you MUST keep walking, otherwise you will be burned by the fire. You are on fire as we speak, get to walking before you burn up.

Fox

Sorry if my post seemed cavalier, Luna. I certainly didn't mean it that way. I forget that you have had so little contact with your WH, whereas most of us didn't have a red letter Plan B or went thru multiple false recoveries.

Also, it is not your job to learn how to deal with the WH nutjob, it is you LAWYER'S job.

NO IT DOES'T.

Nothing will make it better, but that stupid saying time. I HATE those words, especially when we are down and hurting as deeply as we hurt when our hopes are finally dashed or destroyed or whatever.

I'm with SL in the financial stuff. I don't have much gumption in life, but I can tell you WH is going to pay as much and as long as possible for this.

You have so many people on her who love you to pieces and are walking with you on this. Yes, some have experienced that type of meeting, etc. But when it's you, it's still fresh, it's still personal and it still hurts deeply.

I like so many others am right here praying, holding and supportin you as you walk through this, and you will, just not sure how I imagine.

Mark told me when I can finally let go is when I know I did everything. Look at you, you stuck your heart and soul out there. You have done EVERYTHING. You are amazing and such a gift in my life..

Hi SL,


...Yea, didn't think you would be surprised, SL.



I will have to think about this. My sense of 'fairness' may not allow me to do this too much.... It's also true that right now I would give up a lot so as to NO LONGER have anything to do with WS.


I know...this got to me, too... what exactly CAN I count on him FOR? Maybe I should ask him?


You're right, SL. This is FRESH...and it's not a way to live a life.

Thanks for your thoughts, SL.

It's hard to believe someone can come out of this and not become cynical and be interested in a R again.

THIS SUCKS!

Sometimes maybe we don't get to figure out the HOW, but just somehow find the strength to TRUST it will be ok one day for us as well.

Look how many people are writing you, supporting you, understanding that we just need to be for you....

You have the strength, albeit it doesn't help right now. You have the inner guidance and censor... and you can trust yourself to do what you need to finish to the winners line...

You are the winner HERE.... And so are we for having you in our lives....

It's hard, but not impossible.

G-d has something greater for you. Trust him...

Well, you WILL be cynical for a time. It's natural, it's a defense that most of us put up, and it's what happens when the innocence is taken out of something we hold so dear.