never mind..

To save the marriage. i dont want to punish her, thats why i have not exposed yet. cause i dont want to punish her that way.

i was not meeting them and i dont think she thought i could change

Thats correct, no God role for either of us. Wonder if i should have listed that as one more bullet point at the top of the thread.

I am 34, WW 31. 7 years together, married 2.

I did ask gently, etc. that is how I got her to admit that she was with him. This was about a month ago. she claimed 1ce, it was a mistake, just friends, etc. she continues that path (having the A) but is lying again over and over.

she is not living anywhere. she comes here every couple days to shower and get clothes. she is trying to be here more but it is up and down and never more then a few nights here. last time it was 3 nights where she was here in the evening 1 and the other 2 showed up at 2am.

i guess when i say get the f out, i am thinking - do plan B. when she shows up here i am in too much pain to execute any plan A.

I have other threads about my plan A or lack thereof, so i wont get into that here.

I drove to her parents house with intention to expose. sat there for 15 minutes and chickened out. i also did the same at one of her good friends place with the same result.

It isn't easy to do. Once you do it once, though, it's like a domino effect on you and it just gets easier to expose to everyone else. But then you have to be careful that you don't get "expose happy."

I found I had to rein myself in...I was going to tell our vet, people I met in line at stores, clerks...etc. etc. etc. (Okay, I did tell our vet's receptionist but we know each other pretty well.)

The first step is always the hardest. But you can do it!

Charlotte

Does anyone think this is the right timing to drop a plan B on WW? it is the holidays. the favorite part of the year for her (and most). I dont have much leverage per the opening post of this thread. By leverage meaning something like kids that will help wake WW up.

I feel like there is a shot that a plan B could work this time of the year. Not to mention the pain (inability to keep calm/continue a good plan A i will feel if i am still in plan A when she runs off to spend time with OM to trade gifts, etc.

When she was here today i decided to put up the Christmas lights purposely to get her thinking about the possibility of us not being together for the holidays and if she is really choosing the path she wants.

I think as far as she's concerned, she's going to keep getting to eat cake. You're sure not doing anything to make her think otherwise.

Here's what I would do.

Fill up the gas tank.
Make a list of all the people in WW's life. Write a generic exposure letter and make several copies.
Write your Plan B letter in which you tell her she's welcome to come home again as soon as she commits to NC with OM and R with you.
Bring a bunch of boxes home, pack up everything that belongs to WW, and put the boxes out on the driveway.
Take the Plan B to the front box.
Change the locks on the house.
Get in your car and start your exposure, not stopping until you have visited every one of the people on your list. If they are not home, leave a copy of the exposure letter (with your phone number) in their mailbox and go on to the next person.

What difference does it make if you tell these people some bad news? It's HER FAULT! You are a VICTIM! Act like it!

btw, this:
is just more chicken passive aggressive acts you do instead of doing what you know you SHOULD do, which is confront her, kick her butt to the curb, and tell everyone what she has done to you.

I take that as a yes you agree, expose and jump to plan B right away.

It's the only way that will have any impact on a wayward.

Expose and take the advice from the MB experts.

They want to help you get what you want, and what you deserve!

Don't leave it too late.

plan B is useless without exposing first.

Do any of you "Recommenders" have any idea what Plan B is and how and when it is used?

88life - Thank you for clarifying the "no God" part of your lives.

Why did you fail to answer the remaining questions that flowed from your response to that question?

And while you are at it, WHAT "EN's" did you fail to provide and why would you start trying to provide them now and into the future?

here are those answers for the remainder of that paragraph.


I don't really know. If i were in a plan B then she would have a decision to make. She has told me over and over that she does not want to get a D. What is in it for her to give it up? well, she would have a chance to restore the good parts of the life we built together (which she wont have in a plan B) and she has a commitment from me to meet ENs and stop LBs if she "gives up playing". I also think she knows that I can forgive.


If she made that decision to leave the A for good with NC and make the commitment to try to restore (which looks like a mountain). I think then i would want here back. Why? That is a big question that maybe i dont know the answer to right now.

I think that i don't want to start over. I have invested so much in this 7+ year relationship. I am not sure I could last 2 years of a plan B; 1 year max. I think by then i will be ready to move on and find someone else. In general i think part of my unhappiness is because if we recover or we split it is a long road ahead. I want to have kids, and that seems eons away no matter what happens. I am not getting any younger. I believe that is a decent part of my depression right now.

No, i have no plans to use the A as a weapon. What type of weapon do you mean?

There are lots of things that should happen from what I hear when there is NC and assuring that NC is really happening. I think I would need to do all of those things to assure there is in fact NC.

I am not sure how i will act when other men hit on her. probably the way I always have since day 1. I don't like it. I am not comfortable with it and it is hard for me. But that is the price i have had to pay to be with an extremely good looking person.

Still not sure what is a weapon so not sure if i will or not; but my hope is no.

88, to reiterate what Road said, not a single thing you do matters, if you DO NOT EXPOSE. If you go to Plan B without exposing, you are basically just divorcing her. If you go to Plan B without giving a good Plan A and THEN exposing, you might as well divorce.

The saddest thing I hear here is that you would rather walk away from the woman you supposedly love, simply because you are afraid of a confrontation with people in her life (exposing).

It must not be much of a love, if you are not willing to fight for her by facing her family and friends and telling them what she's doing.