p.s. you can give your friend my email address if she has any questions. I have coached a few IM's and will be glad to do it for you too. ohmelodylane@aol.com

Thank you

They haven't answered yet but I will keep calling. WH told me not to contact them for so many reasons but I now know the reason. I'm taking a stand for my marriage TODAY.

He will definately try to contact me when the sh1t hits the fan so I will need to send the letter sooner I think and let my IM deal with it.

Thank you for your contact info, I will pass it on to her today.

LOVE your work!

Done. Her mum did not want to talk to me, fragile type, so her dad got on the phone. He was great. Completely understands where I am coming from and is going to confront OW and WH when he sees him too.

They thought the last month and a half had been a lot better, but I uncovered a couple of lies and meetings at the casino etc that they didn't know about. OW is sneaking around again. They are going to do as much as they can to let OW know the damage she is causing and try to put a stop to it. I told him she is the reason I have split up with my husband and she is the reason I will not get back with him unless he agrees to no contact. I mentioned the photos she sent him and the text messages. He asked me if I had been following them, I said no. The truth, but obviously they have said something and are very guilty.

I will have to send the letter soon. Phew. That was tough and all h3ll will break loose but so necessary too.

Thanks ML for the encouragement.

I did it.

Letter has been sent to his personal email account. He's at work so I sent him a text saying "you have email, always remember I love you".

I don't know the order that events will take, but he's going to be really mad. He's going to be furious when OW's dad talks to OW and she will call him and blah blah and OW's dad will talk to him too and then he will be off the charts furious. He won't want to lose us both at the same time!

I'm pretty scared of the reprecussions, he gets really mad. IM can handle him, IF he contacts her. I expect abusive text messages or phone calls or emails or all 3.

I know I need to be strong and not respond or read anything. Just forward it to IM and let her deal with it.

His family will get their Christmas cards tomorrow. It will be one day into plan B but I couldn't arrange it any earlier and I surprised myself by going into plan B so soon today.

I think he is staying with his dad or his brother on the other side of town. Not that it matters...

Ok, darkness.

Thank you for your help and coaching for the right letter too.

Here it is for anyone else who is lost and a little "slow" like me...

Dear WH,

I know that you've been unhappy for a long time, for many reasons, some of which you may not even be sure of. I'm aware that my behavior in the past contributed to your unhappiness and the emotional distance between us that lead to the breakdown in our marriage.

Your affair with OW has caused me enormous pain. It is because of this that I must cut off all contact between us. As a result, I find my love for you dying. So, in order to preserve the love I still have for you, I must remove you from my daily life until you stop contact with OW and commit to a plan of recovery.

I don’t want your relationship with DD and DS to suffer and I will be as flexible as possible with visitation, but I must ask that you have no contact with me during pick up and drop off times. I would also ask that you not come in to the house for any reason. Please respect my decision to separate from you in this way and do not contact me.

Any essential contact regarding finances or to arrange visits with our children, must be through a third party – T on (00) 99999999 at home or mobile 999 999 9999. I expect our current financial arrangements to stay the same.

The children are home each night by 5:30pm and bedtime is 7pm. If you can, please call them during this time and DD will answer.

This is not to punish you, it’s to give our marriage the best chance.

As soon as you are willing to permanently end the affair with OW and commit to a plan of recovery, I will be willing to talk about our future, and the future of our family, and a marriage that will make us both truly happy.

I look back through our life and I chose now to only remember the good times and learn from the bad. I hope we will be together again one day.

Your loving wife,
2M2L

bravo!!

You have just officially taken back control of your own life and treated yourself respect. Your WH will not like that. He will try his damnest to get you to lower your bar so he does not have to raise his bar. He will lie, cajole, threaten, etc to get you back in control. Hopefully you have a good IM who will not let any of this crap through.

But if he calls, texts, emails or sends smoke signals, it is imperative that you do not let him through. He will do his best to TEST your resolve and if you let him through you are finished and he is EMBOLDENED.

Whatever you do, don't allow him to trick you into feeling sorry for him or that you are "being mean." I know you are softhearted and he knows how to use that against you.

You did good, girl! Just batten the hatches and get under ground!

I am really proud of me too

What can I give my family so that they are prepared too? Any one-liners would be appreciated as well as a concise summary.

He called my mum today and told her how mean I was not to take his calls etc!

You're response made me laugh ML.

I used to read your responses to other posters and thought, wow, she's tough. And, you are a great person to have on my team, thank you!!!!!

thanks 2Much! you are a quick study. you did right by telling your mother that you had asked a neutral party to be your IM. Just ask her to not pass on any information from your H because it will ruin your Plan.

And puhleese delete his text messages! Don't even pass them on. When he sees he is not getting through he will stop.

I'm trying hard.

He just spoke to my dad and told him to get me to call him.

Same old story about me being difficult. I'll have to get a solicitor etc. Not using IM blah blah blah.

Dad is sorry that he passed it on but we are all learning

Dad told WH he could only pass the message on, not make me do anything. I guess that was ok.

You're right, in time WH will learn.

Locksmith here in 10 minutes. YAY

Email from IM:-

2M2L,

I have messaged WH with the following:

Hi WH.

2M2L has asked me to inform you of the visitations with dd and ds. I have received your emails and 2M2L has agreed to you seeing the kids tomorrow night. 2M2L has suggested that she take the kids to xx McDonalds where you can have dinner with the kids until 7pm. If you prefer 2M2L can have her parents conduct the exchange of the children. If you have any questions you can call me and I will pass your message on. I am not the enemy WH just trying to make things easier.


Is that ok

Hi Melody Lane,

My IM might need some encouraging words.

She is handling him but he is trying to kick her down and said he will take out a restraining order against her if she contacts him etc and he is going to contact the police and courts about the kids.

She keeps telling him that she is trying to help etc and is not the enemy.

She is a tough cookie and eventually he will get it, but how far can we take it?

I am still holding strong.